2. Christmas

I only have a few photos, since we let the kids take the all with their new digital cameras. Spencer took lots of pictures of the TV, which I will NOT be posting! These are all of Xmas Eve...yes, it SNOWED again!

1. Snowstorm

HOLIDAY BLIZZARD 2006!!!
GAWD, how I despise the drama of the media! It snowed, okay? It snowed a LOT, but it just snowed. It wasn't a blizzard in Boulder because it wasn't windy, but we got a good three feet. Check out the golf club that Will is holding on the patio table! The darker photo (click to enlarge) is of Ron's cars, which are parked across the alley. Sometimes snow sucks. The forecast is already calling for another storm on Thursday...I don't remember having so much seasonal snow EVER in Boulder, and it's only December!

Socked In...

yeah, we're snowed in!! Biggest storm of the century, or some nonsense. Spencer, Will and I trudged to the neighborhood English pub and spent a lot of money eating and enjoying hot beverages. On the way home, I had a great time shoving Spencer into snow drifts (4 feet high!). I have photos and will post them as soon as I get my usb cord from the office.

CHRISTINE: I am SO SORRY that you're stuck in DIA hell!! We love you! Hopefully you will run into any number of my co-workers, who are probably stuck there as well. Merry Christmas!

Worth Reading

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person
that wasn't supposed
to ever let you down probably will. You will have
your heart broken
probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break
hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was
broken. You'll
fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new
love for things an
old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too
fast, and you'll
eventually lose someone you love. So take too many
pictures, laugh
too much, and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty
seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness
you'll never get
back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid
that it will never begin.

~anonymous~

I think too much

I'm re-thinking my stance of "NO CONTACT" post-moveout. Am I a dumbass or what? It's just that I can't imagine completely losing someone who has been my best friend for the past 18 months. It's not like he's moving to another country. We will run into each other some time, somewhere. And I want to be able to be happy for him when he finds someone who suits him better than I do. But not quite yet. I have never been the jealous sort, but I really need the burn to wear off this time before I can be a gracious ex. It sucks a royal donkey ball that it took me until now to realize that I should have paid more attention to what was going on right in front of me (and inside of me, too). Sorry, Will, I messed up.

Here is an email that Erika sent me, edited version. It contains some info that is "too true":

Whatthefuck is going on in the universe? How can there be all this information, love, good news, potential, etc, just sitting there in front of us and we can't see it? How can you wait your whole life for a marriage proposal from a really nice guy and then be told that you missed it somehow!? I feel like screaming for you and all of us who are so distracted by day to day boredom that we can't see what's being offered to us.
If it's true that you would have and still would say "yes" tho, then you could have been even more blatant about it. An "I love you" never hurts either, if its true (you said last week that you werent in love with him because you were too depressed to feel that way about anyone...)
I just feel horrible for you. Its fucking Christmas. Are you ok? Did you expect "the talk" to turn out some other way? Maybe you can get counselling for yourself to figure this stuff out. If he's the guy for you, then 6 months from now when you have some perspective, he still will be.
Anyway, I want everyone to be in a happy relationship. Its really hard work, but kinda the only thing that matters at the end of the day. How much love and time is there after all?

THE BREAK-UP

He initiated the talk last night. Basically, he just wants out. I was hoping that he was going to say we should go to counseling or something, since we have had a pretty good week together. We even took Spencer to dinner last night right before THE TALK and had a fun time. Anyhoo, he had the balls to say "we can still see each other", and I told him no way and that I will stay away from the Pub and I don’t want to hear from him at all.

[WTF?? You can't live with someone for 18 months and then start dating, can you?? It sounds to me as though he's just ready to start shopping around for someone "better". It was almost more devastating to me to hear that he still wants to hang out than it was when he said that he's moving out (moving out = "I am not willing to put any effort into this relationship, same as ever")].

And I certainly can't go hang out where he works and watch him with another woman. Eww. I thought I would be okay with that when the inevitable parting-of-ways occurred, but I am NOT. Good to know that my heart hasn't yet turned completely into stone. It's on the way, though, sadly. There's no other way to get past it than to pretend that it doesn't hurt as much as it does. And I am almost 41 fucking years old and I just wasted 18 months of what's left of my reproducing years. I used to think tha Will and I would have a really cute baby together. PTHPTPPTHTTHTHHHHHH (that's the sound of me blowing a raspberry)

Anyhoo, he went on to say that he has asked me to marry him several times in the past and that I just laughed at him, and it was devastating to him. I was very confused....I don’t recall ever being proposed to! Anyway, we talked for about an hour and, much to my shock and dismay, I realized that I’m very attached to him and I would have preferred to work it out. I cried a lot and didn't sleep, so this morning I look like a boiled cabbage.

Oh, and when I told him that I feel as though he always puts partying and his bar friends before me, he went on about how that’s not true, and....drumroll...guess who he’s moving in with?? You guessed it! A bartender from the Pub! Who knew?? Of course this guy is 45 and works in a bar, and is famous for how hammered he gets. Sigh.

Here is the email that I wrote to him this morning. If he should respond via email, it's getting plastered here for all to see.


Will,

Please know that if I had ever thought AT ALL that you were serious when you mentioned marriage, I would have said yes. Even two weeks ago. Even last night.

That being said, I guess that we should make some sort of arrangement for the next few weeks while we reside in the same home, because this is really really hard for me. I would prefer that we keep this whole thing as sterile as possible, if that's okay by you. I'll make arrangements to be out of the house whenever you want privacy, and I'll work around your schedule. Just let me know when.

We need to talk about shifting the bills into my name, and changing the lease. I'm writing to Eric next to ask him how he wants to handle it. My guess is that he'll say that he'll just scratch your name off of the paperwork, since it's easier that way and the responsibility falls on me regardless.

I'm sorry that we couldn't work this out. I hope that you find someone perfect for you and that you get a grasp on the fact that you are a smart, funny and handsome guy who deserves the best. I've always known that once you get your shit together, you're going to be amazing.

Let's talk later today about the aforementioned stuff.

Love,
Cyn

The season has officially begun...

I am cash-poor, and Spencer has had two choir concerts in a row (prompting a stern scolding from his teacher in which she informed me that I am a bad parent because Spencer has missed homework) -- welcome to the Christmas season!! :-)

P.S. There is nothing cuter than the folks at the Senior Center watching the kids sing on Tueday. I loved it!

Dream

I think I must have some sort of PTSD from 911. I woke up with a start this morning, after dreaming briefly that there had been a major plane crash and all the highways were closed. It was SO REAL, even though it was just a between-the-snoozes dream! Everyone who was being shown on TV in the dream was wearing weird colors. The woman who was the "face" of the crash, you know, the stupid thing that the media do when they get a good picture of someone panicking -- they plaster it all over everything -- anyway, it was a black woman with long hair wearing a peach suit. I would recognize her on the street if I ran into her.
Perhaps I need therapy.
At least it wasn't real. (Though I would have liked to sleep in this morning.)

Note to Self

kid's book: Pickle Toes

A Day in the Life...sigh...

How's tricks? Me, sucky...computer issues at work, forcing me to become IT guy #2 and do programming, which I hate, and other shitty stuff at work. Icing on the cake...yesterday, at 5 pm, I realized that I had locked my only set of keys in the car...no biggie, right, I just called my insurance company, who informed me that the roadside assistance on my car had been dropped for some reason. SO, I had to call a cab to pick up Spencer at afterschool care and bring him to my office. Luckily, the driver was really nice and called me a lot from the road (it's about 1/2 mile but it was rush hour), and Spencer was dropped off just fine. The cabbie offered to drive us home, but I needed to blow off steam so we walked. Spencer was very pleasant about it all and just as cheerful as could be on the way home. This morning I had a friend stop by and pick him up on the way to school, and I walked to work (I fell down TWICE because of the blinding ice on the sidewalks -- my hiking boots were in the car, natch). This afternoon I called insurance again and they sent someone to get the door open. This person's name is Bob and he is a certifiable idiot as far as I can tell, though he's quite adept at breaking into cars. He called me for directions and I started to tell him and then he interrupted me, and said like a maniac, "I delivered pizza in Boulder for years. I know ALL the streets" and I got pissed and said, "FINE. WHATEVER." (I had been standing inthe freezing cold waiting for him for an hour at this point) "It's on Broadway between Pine and Mapleton on the east side in the church parking lot." His response? "Okay, I know where Mapleton is, but where is Pine" I wanted to tell him it's up his ass, but instead the cat in me came out and I replied, "It's TWO BLOCKS UP FROM PEARL, YOU KNOW?? THE MOST POPULAR STREET IN TOWN????" and he mumbled something about getting there when he could and hung up. 1/2 hour later, he pulls up, takes forfreakinever with the paperwork, and asks me to help him break into the car. I now know that all you need to break into a car without damaging it this little airbag thing, a piece of plastic, and a long piece of thick wire. Who knew?? Anyway, I found the keys in a box in the backseat, at the bottom of the box, under a bunch of stuff. I don't recall being anywhere near that box on Tuesday morning, and certainly not dropping my keys in it, but the bottom line is that I am going to have extra keys made and stash them everywhere so that I never need to see Bob again. I'm pasting this paragraph into my blog for posterity, to remind me just how much I don't like Bob.

Tuesday

When is it going to be Friday? For some reason, all of the wine I have been drinking lately is not making time go any faster....well, except for time IN GENERAL, which is flying by...it is almost the end of 2006, and I can still remember when I used to say, "I'll be 40 in 2006! Can you imagine? That's AGES from now!!" and it still feels like it might be ages away, but actually it's almost over. Lately I've been having death panic attacks, money panic attacks, driving panic attacks, fatness panic attacks, Will panic attacks...the list goes on. I didn't realize what sort of shape I'm in until i received one of those Christmas survey chain emails, asking about my favorite Christmas things and traditions, and I realized that I don't have any. I don't even get presents from anyone any more. I guess I'm officially a grown-up, which sucks eggs right now. I can't even enjoy life. This isn't fair! It's true that youth is wasted on the young, that's for sure. This is how I feel today:


Or maybe this next photo is more accurate:



You have to click on the pictures to get the full effect. The first one is the saddest little monkey I have ever seen, and the second is a barfing snowman (or snow woman, I can't tell)

Photos

I'm posting these photos because a) I told Erika that I will, and b) I need yet another reminder that I may possibly be the least photogenic person in the world. Click on the middle picture to check out Spencer's eyes. Wow.

Cute...

My friend Jil's housewarming party...first pic is Jil with her step-daughter Delaney, next three are Axel and Megan.
Axel is 11 weeks and Megan is about 5 months or so...check out the chunky boy compared to the delicate flower!! :-)

Ah, Colorado weather...

We were supposed to get 2- 4 inches. I'm stuck at home and Spencer is bored. On the bright side, I brought work home with me last night and I'm getting loads done!!

Dream -- all about ME

I was in a house with all of these people whom I kind of knew...one of them was sort of weird and poor and said that the only thing he wanted from the house was this weird sculpture that looked like a glacier. The "leader" guy, who was the boyfriend of someone I knew, said that the sculpture was magic...he said a sort of chant, and **POOF**, we were all standing in the middle of an enormous mansion that was still being built on the interior. It was a the coolest house ever, with lots of big rooms and secret pathways and groovy fixtures. The boyfriend guy told everyone that there would be a big party that night, and he had bought clothes for all of us. Apparently I am headed straight toward an eating disorder, because even in my sleep I panicked that the gorgeous sage green outfit (skirt, cute jacket with glass beads) he had for me would be too small and that I would look like a stuffed sausage in it. EVEN WHILE ASLEEP, I freaked out about what else I could wear. Anyway, after I took a shower, I gathered up some of the kids to take them to a nearby deli for sandwiches. In the deli, I ran into all of these college-aged guys who asked me if I was going to be at the party later...and I felt like a fat dork when I said yes. When we gotr back to the house, I walked up the curved staircase and thought all about how sad it is that my friends have successul rich boyfriends and there just don't seem to be any left for me. I have a real problem if I can't even muster some self-esteem during periods of unconciousness. My hair looked ugly throughout the whole dream and I kept washing it, or at least intending to wash it again, in the hopes that it would look better.

I believe that this dream came about as a direct result of watching "16 Kids and Moving In" right before I fell asleep. This show is a documentary series about a freaky couple who are not even 40 and have a bajillion kids and just keep popping them out, one or two every year. They've built their dreamhouse, which is enormous at 7000 square feet and has all this cool stuff in it. I'm not sure what religion they are, but it has to be something creepy because they have a lot of money even with all those kids, and the mom has the most awful hairstyle. ANyhoo, while I was watching this show, I thought to myself that it must be nice to have all that space. It didn't even enter my mind that the mom is a subservient weirdo with bajillion kids, and the dad is some sort of religious freak, and those are the only reasons that she has that specific husband who can afford that nice house.

The hair thing entered the picture because I had the most icky stringy hair yesterday, the direct of using a free sample of a shitty Pantene moisturizer that was like oil.

I guess it's true...

fake tits and porn star sex do not a great marriage make!

Rosie is Stupid

Why is Rosie O'Donnell being SUCH A FREAK? I do understand that homophobia is rampant, but Kelly Ripa is NOT guilty of practicing it on Gayken (heehee). I mean, how far is Rosie going to take it? "Kelly Ripa is a homophobe because she doesn't like Calvin Klein wife-beater t-shirts -- and everyone knows that gay men wear them in the gym -- so therefore KELLY RIPA HATES GAY PEOPLE!!"
Shit, if someone -- ANYONE -- stuck their hand in my face on national TV (or anywhere else, for that matter), I would rip them a new one no matter who they were or what their point was.

Seen on the back of a dumptruck this am:

"Hell Hath No Fury Like A Sow Protecting Her Cubs"

????????????????

We're here, we're queer, we don't want any more bears!!
~Homer SImpson

I have always wanted to be known as "Bert"

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them! You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Yum!

One of these days, perhaps over Thanksgiving "break" (I never consider a holiday to be a vacation), I will learn how to create folders or whatever they're called in blogspeak and sort some of this stuff into categories. I'm usually all about categorizing, so this hodge-podge makes me insane. Also, I need to find HTML for Dummies and bone up on changing fonts and generally making my life seem more interesting than it really is. [Note: read previous entry and you will know what I mean. I'm like the newest poster child for AA and all the rest of the 12-step groups, well, except for, like, meth heads and heroin addicts and whatnot -- I wonder if there is a support group for Diet Coke addicts...]

Anyway, I have another recipe and I'm going to try it on Friday for Will's birthday party. He will hate it because it has green stuff and also brie, so there will be more for me and anyone else of discerning taste!

Hot Pesto Brie Dip

8 oz cream cheese, cubed
8 oz brie, cubed
2 Tbsp pesto
2 Tbsp parmesan cheese
2 Tbsp pine nuts
2 oz sweet white wine (they used Muscat Canelli, I used a Reisling)
Combine all ingredients in an oven-safe bowl and bake for 20 minutes at 375°. Serve with a sliced baguette or water crackers.

Note to self

(and anyone else who cares to know):

Detoxing the body from a number of things at once (alcohol, nicotine, sugar, and formaldehyde -- aka Diet Coke), while suffering through Lymphadema of the neck, should probably be done while in a hospital. YUCK. and OW. and EW. It feels worse than a hangover OR a caffeine overdose.
Perhaps I should grab a bottle of wine, some Diet Coke to wash it down with, a box of Fudge Stripes and a pack of smokes, and let 'er rip.
Nah, I'm sure that suffering is the best way to go in the long run....

Gobble Gobble

I know you all don’t care, and will have your store-bought turkey on Thanksgiving Day (they’re probably all dead by now, anyway)...but I wanted to post this because I know for a fact that turkeys can be a lot like dogs, and it kinda grosses me out the way they are “processed” for this one gluttonous day in the US. I mean, it’s more than a little historically outdated to stuff ourselves to show that we’re thankful for having food on the table. Shouldn’t Thanksgiving Day be about being nicer to everyone, maybe even including the turkeys??! Pardon me as I rant.

Cheers,

Cyn


Another View of Turkey Day
November 2006

by Delisa Renideo
He felt almost cat-like, rubbing up against the back of my legs. And he followed me around the yard like a devoted dog. And like my cats and dogs, he even bumped his head up against my hand as he stood beside me, requesting that I pet him. And all this affection after only meeting that afternoon.
As I walked around the grounds, I could tell he was still following me because I could hear his labored breathing. He was only a year old, but he wheezed and limped painfully because of his extreme overweight. No, he wasn’t a glutton, out of control of his appetite. His size was the result of genetic manipulation. I was told that he would probably die of a sudden heart attack before his second birthday.
I had never met a turkey in person before, except in cages at the State Fair. But I will never forget the day I spent with him and others like him at Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary, outside Denver.
Like the other 300 million turkeys that are killed in the U.S. each year, my new friend had had part of his beak and some of his toes cut off when he was only hours old, without any anesthesia. He was conceived by artificial insemination, as all turkeys are these days, because mating is physically impossible. Human appetite for white meat has led to the genetic engineering of turkeys with huge breasts that make it impossible for them to get close enough to mate. They are also created to grow abnormally fast, as well as very large, leading to lameness and stress on their immature skeletons, hearts and lungs. Thus, the limping and wheezing of my special new friend as he tried to balance his over-sized body on his mutilated feet as he followed me affectionately around.
We generally don’t think much about the centerpiece on our Thanksgiving table. If we think about the turkey as a real animal at all, it’s probably to assume that he doesn’t really have feelings or a personality. Certainly not the way our dogs and cats do. But after my experience at Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary, I know without a shadow of a doubt that isn’t true. Not only do these affectionate animals have personalities, but they wear their feelings where all can see them. The color of their heads changes from blue to pink and red as their emotions change.
It used to bother me to hear people say, “Happy Turkey Day” instead of “Happy Thanksgiving.” I was saddened to think that we had lost the whole point of Thanksgiving, which is to remember to be grateful for all we have, and instead we have focused on stuffing ourselves as well as a turkey.
But now I have another idea. If we could truly celebrate Turkey Day, maybe it would be like celebrating Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or Veteran’s Day or President’s Day. We don’t eat our mothers, fathers, veterans, or president. We honor them, appreciating them for who they are and what they have done for us. We set aside a day to remember them, respect them, and be grateful for them.
I envision the day when we will look back upon the slaughter of 45 million turkeys for Thanksgiving alone – that’s 675 million pounds of animal flesh in one day – with regret. I’d like to think that when that day comes, we might have a real “Turkey Day” to honor the lives of these sensitive, affectionate beings that we harmed so much before we awakened to a reverence for all life. And when that day comes, not only will we have peace on our plates, but we’ll be on our way to peace in the world.

Delisa Renideo resides in Wasilla. You can reach her at 907-373-1526 for suggestions for a delicious, turkey-free, plant-based Thanksgiving dinner.

I am LMAO right now...

Check out THIS BLOG RESPONSE EXCHANGE...

Pongin'

THIS is why I am SO FRICKKIN GLAD that I got out of my home town! It's a beautiful place, but COME ON...a packed City Council meeting, and the main item on the agenda is BEER PONG??!??!? WTF?? GET A LIFE!!!

Email exchange based upon announcement pasted below...just wanted to save it for posterity (if there is such a thing in blog world!)

Cynthia:
It sounds like Gates is just the lesser of two evils...

Cory:
Yeah, I agree. He might not be much better but these election results are certainly a wake-up call to Washington!

Cynthia:
Hopefully Washington isn’t in a coma at this point...I am ever the cynic. Still, it was fun to watch the news — most of it, anyway -- last night!

Cory:
Agreed. I’m watching Bush’s news conference right now. It’s absolutely amazing how inept he is...

Cynthia:
Well, it’s hard to train a monkey.

Cory:
Hahahaha!

__________________________________________________________

On 11/8/06 11:27 AM, "Cory Lowe" wrote:

Rumsfeld Resigns as Defense Secretary After Big Election Gains for Democrats

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/washington/wire-rumsfeld.html?hp&ex=1163048400&en=350d55fe1c0ba5c8&ei=5094&partner=homepage

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: November 8, 2006

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, architect of an unpopular war in Iraq, intends to resign after six stormy years at the Pentagon, Republican officials said Wednesday.

Officials said Robert Gates, former head of the CIA, would replace Rumsfeld.

The development occurred one day after midterm elections that cost Republicans control of the House, and possibly the Senate, as well. Surveys of voters at polling places said opposition to the war was a significant contributor to the Democratic victory.

President Bush was expected to announce Rumsfeld's departure and Gates' nomination at an afternoon news conference. Administration officials notified congressional officials in advance.

Last week, as he campaigned to save the Republican majority, Bush declared that Rumsfeld would remain at the Pentagon through the end of his term.

Rumsfeld, 74, was in his second tour of duty as defense chief. He first held the job a generation ago, when he was appointed by President Ford.

Gates is the president of Texas A&M University and a close friend of the Bush family. He served as CIA director for Bush's father from 1991 until 1993.

Gates first joined the CIA in 1966 and served in the intelligence community for more than a quarter century, under six presidents.

His nomination must be confirmed by the Senate.

Psycho Boulder Weather

5 Day Forecast:

WEDNESDAY
High: 80 Low: 46
Partly Cloudy

THURSDAY
High: 59 Low: 39
Partly Cloudy

FRIDAY
High: 45 Low: 32
Rain / Snow Mix

SATURDAY
High: 51 Low: 26
Partly Cloudy

SUNDAY
High: 46 Low: 28
Partly Cloudy / Showers

Nice how the weekend SUCKS. Oh well, sometimes they're wrong! 11/13 Update: Nope, they weren't wrong.

Sunset 5:10 pm

This is what I drove into tonight. It didn't last very long, but WOW!!

Single Mom

SHE is not as stupid as she was when she married him, it seems!! What a loser that guy is!! Yuck.

Spencer's Dream

Apparently, he takes after me in more ways than just looks...

He said in the car this morning, "I had a dream last night where I had 80's rock star hair. It was a mullet and there was lots of it, and I looked really stupid. AND THEN, I was in a hllaway sitting outside the door of a room that turned into a mansion..."

And he went on and on, giving specific little details and cracking me up. I'm going to encourage him to write them down!

Oh No He Di'int!!

I am in heaven. Sheer and utter unadulterated (heehee) HEAVEN. I may be going to hell on the express bus for the amount of joy that I'm getting from this whole affair (heehee again), but it's SO worth it!!

GO HERE

Icky dream

Very briefly...I'm just putting it here so I don't forget it...I was in a rental house, trying desperately to get ahold of the property manager because there were dead animal bodies in various states of decay all over the lawn, which was in bad condition to begin with. I didn't worry too much about the squirrels and cats, but then noticed a horse on the side of the lawn and started to worry. People kept walking through the yard and yelling to me that there were dead things in it, but I had bare feet and would only go out the back door a little ways because I didn't want to step on anything. Oddly, they didn't smell. Then some huge deer appeared and a mountain lion was ripping at them and I couldn't do anything about it. When no one showed up to remove the carcasses, I left out the front door and started driving, but I came to a bridge that was a big curving arc, most of which was essentially free-standing and it was very very very high up and I was afraid to go on it. I had to use the bathroom so I stopped and went into this sort of castle-y place, following two women. I heard one of them scream and I looked up and a mountain lion was running at her, prepared to jump. The second woman fell on the ground out of fear, and I ran into the bathroom and pulled the heavy door shut and leaned on it so nothing could get in. When I opened it again, one of the women was dead I guess, and the other was rolling around screaming in pain. I didn't stop to help, just ran to a house and asked to be let in. It turned out to be my house and the person who let me in was a the property manager, who told that she just couldn't help with the dead animals in the yard. I was upset, and then I woke up in a panic.

I wonder if this dream was a result of a) stress over the messy condition of my house, b) too many horror films over the past week, or c) a premonition that a mountain lion is going to attack me.

Spencer's Wish List

Another post that will be ever-changing...well, at least until Christmas is over!

What he wants:
Anything Star Wars-related and very expensive -- Legos, games, etc
GameCube games
iPod and/or PSP (as if)

What he needs:
Gloves (not mittens)
Math-related software
A good map of the world for his bedroom wall

What he already has a'comin to him:
A leather portfolio notebook for sketching
Two board games
A Star Wars figurine
A desk-sized refrigerator (for all of the entertaining he does up there, natch) -- I couldn't resist, it's red and SO cute (see below)

Halloween, a few days late...

Here are some festive holiday photos from Halloween. The dark ones are from a party that we went to on Saturday night at our former neighbors' house. The Raderstorfs throw this party every year and it's bitchin. At the start of the party, everyone carves a pumpkin, and then the men (who are rather tipsy by this point) and the kids (who had better NOT be tipsy at this point -- we get them drunk later) climb all over the top two stories of the house and situate the pumpkins on the ledges. After dark, they all go back up there (no, we haven't lost anyone yet!) and light the pumpkins, and then the whole block goes dark and it's just so cool. It's hard to get a picture, though. Click on the photos for a better view. It's worth mentioning that I wore my bar wench costume and was propositioned by a group (eek) of old people. Oy.




Now, here is Spencer carving his pumpkin...yes, it WAS warm enough for shorts...it was downright hot, actually, until nighttime.




And, the school party on Tuesday...check out "Global Warming" (I guessed it right away and he loved me for that) and also the Old Lady. Too funny.

Much more interesting than a recipe...

From the Bowling Green police blotter, Saturday night:

3:14 a.m.

Subject reported his vehicle was stolen from North Prospect Street. The caller was intoxicated and after 30 minutes, police found it parked in Lot 2 where he had left it. Once the vehicle was secured, the subject called 911 again. He was told not to call unless it was an emergency. Later, he called 911 again and stated his vehicle was "moving" as he could see it on "low jack." He was told his vehicle was not moving and was still parked in Lot 2. The dispatcher told him to go to sleep and check the vehicle in the morning.

My holiday wish list

I'm going to skip over peace on earth and goodwill toward men, and get straight to the good stuff. This post will change every so often because I don't want a big (BIG) string of post linkages. Most of my items have to do directly with cooking, because apparently some creepy little obscure lobe in my brain decided over the past year that I need to fatten up for the winter (and all the other seasons). As a result -- of the lobe and also having a boyfriend who is keen on eating dinner, something I didn't do in the past -- I have become more interested in cooking healthier foods, and with more flair. The fact that I don't have any place in my kitchen to store all this stuff is completely irrelevant.

1. Spatulas that don't melt and that cost more than a dollar for three of them.
2. A nice set of non-toxic cooking pans and a ceiling pot hanger-thingy.
3. Knives, knives, and more knives. Knives that cost more than a dollar for three, and aren't the type that "never need sharpening." I can't imagine anything more fulfilling than sitting around on a winter afternoon just scraping knives against a rock.
4. Oh, speaking of rocks, I almost forgot: a mortar and pestle.
5. An iPod. Maybe. I kind of like the anticipation of waiting until I get home to listen to my favorite CD (I have a cassette player in my car...can you believe that? And the car is only 5 years old! Ghetto.)
6. Potholders. I have one and it's one of those mitt kinds that suck.
7. To win the lottery or inherit millions from a long-lost relative (never hurts to ask).
8. A screwdriver set.
9. Total home organization -- which entails a week alone -- which I will never get -- but miracles happen.

Done for now. Updates to follow, as I mentioned...

Bad Dream

So, last night I had another one of my "bad mom" dreams in which I do something awful to Spencer and wake up in a panic. Last night, it went like this:

Spencer was being bratty and I was chasing him around the room, getting angrier and angrier. I reached out to grab him or smack him, I don't know which, and my hand was sort of cupped and it smashed onto his face when he jumped to run away again. He ran screaming upstairs and I went to bed and didn't think about it again. During the night, Will was muttering in his sleep about what a horrid bitch I was for hurting my child that way. When I woke up (this is still in my dream, FYI -- I often sleep in my dreams), I thought it had been a dream but then I saw Spencer and his nose appeared to be broken or bruised. Troy was there and he started crying, and Spencer was crying, and I wasn't. The whole time I didn't cry. It was decided that Spencer would go live with his dad. The worst part was when I tried to hug Spencer goodbye and he pulled away and said, "I don't love you any more," and I understood. I concocted a plan to buy us matching necklaces with the Chinese symbol for "respect," as if that would solve the problem.

There are more intricate details. of course, since I have very vivid dreams, but that was the jist of it. Once again, I was physically abusive and, once again, Spencer hated me. I think I'm having flashbacks from slapping him out of sheer frustration when he was about 2 -4 and we were living on our own. He was so stubborn, and I was so exhausted, that sometimes I couldn't help it. Well, I could have helped it but at the time I didn't have the energy to solve the problem ina rational manner, I suppose. When I think about it now it makes me want to die.

I love this

A bumper sticker I saw on a car with a "Vietnam Veteran" license plate: "IRAQ is Arabic for VIETNAM"
*****
Key Republicans Dissent

Sen. John Warner, R-Va., chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, seemed to open the floodgates to GOP criticism this month when he warned after a trip to Iraq that the war was "drifting sideways" and a course correction might soon be warranted.

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, R-Texas, said she would not have supported the invasion had she known there were no weapons of mass destruction, and she has proposed splitting Iraq into three parts.

Sen. George Allen, R-Va., in a difficult re-election battle with Democratic challenger James Webb, dropped his stay-the-course mantra to assert, "We cannot continue doing the same things and expect different results. We have to adapt our operations, adapt our tactics."

Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., said in an interview with The Associated Press that both U.S. and Iraqi officials should be held accountable for the lack of progress: "We're on the verge of chaos and the current plan is not working."

Sen. Conrad Burns, R-Mont., said in a debate last week with Democratic challenger Jon Tester that he agreed with Warner's call for a change in strategy, and believed Bush already had a plan to win the war but for now was keeping it quiet. That remark drew ridicule from Democrats who likened it to Richard Nixon's "secret plan" to end the war in Vietnam.

Also challenging Bush's Iraq policy have been former Secretary of State Colin Powell, Republican Sens. Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island, Chuck Hagel of Nebraska, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe of Maine, and several House Republicans.

Desserts from eDiets

Mocha Almond Pie
And what’s dessert without chocolate? Mocha Almond Pie from Keebler Ready Crust is found on Wal-Mart Organics’ website. I’ve adapted it so it’s lower in fat and calories by changing whole milk to 1-percent milk, using nonfat whipped topping, and reducing the amount of nuts.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups cold low-fat, 1-percent milk
1 package (4-serving size) chocolate flavor instant pudding & pie filling
1 Tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder
1 Tbsp. instant coffee crystals
2 cups thawed nonfat, nondairy whipped topping
1/4 cup slivered almonds, toasted*
1 Keebler Ready Crust Chocolate Pie Crust (6 oz)
Toast almonds in a 350-degree oven on ungreased baking sheet for just 5 to 10 minutes, stirring once or twice, until golden. Meanwhile, in large bowl beat milk, pudding mix, cocoa powder and coffee crystals with wire whisk for 1 minute. Refrigerate about 5 minutes or until thick. Whisk in whipped topping. Spread in crust.

Freeze at least three hours or until firm. Let stand at room temperature for 15 minutes before cutting. Sprinkle with reserved almonds. Store in freezer.

____________________________

Pumpkin Cheesecake

Ingredients:
2 8-ounce packages fat-free cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 eggs
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1/3 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1/3 cup graham cracker crumbs
1/2 cup thawed nonfat nondairy whipped topping
Whip cream cheese, sugar and vanilla until blended. Blend in eggs but don’t beat. Remove 1 cup of batter and stir in canned pumpkin and spice. Spray a 9-inch pie plate with cooking spray, and sprinkle in graham crumbs. Pour remaining batter into pan, top with pumpkin batter. Bake at 325 degrees for 40 minutes, or until center is set. Refrigerate for three hours or overnight.

Serve with a tablespoon of whipped topping, and a sprinkle of graham cracker crumbs.

Makes eight servings. Nutritional values per serving: 150 calories, 2.5g fat (1g sat.), 340mg sodium and 18g sugar.

TGIF

Today, aside from a freaky weird little storm thingy that turned the skies from blue and sunny to white-out and raining, was a lovely autumn 65-degree Colorado day. It is now midnight and snowing...go figure. Here's a cool picture that I took out the front door just now; the snow is coming down too hard for the camera to grasp anything other than what is right in front of it, I guess.

Funny dream

I had the funniest dream last night. I was at a fair of some sort and was handed a little flier to a party. The flier was very colorful and looked like a bookmark. On the front it said something about a party, and on the back it listed three fetishes, two of which I can't recall and the third was "butt sniffing." [I woke up from this dream laughing.] So, of COURSE I went to the party and it was all very stupid and there was some old lady who was organzing the whole thing and she was trying to sell me an really ugly sofa throw. I will skip the details (which are very NOT sexual) and get to the last sentence that I spoke in the dream, which is what made me wake up...I announced to everyone in the vicinity "If I take off all my clothes and let someone smell my butt, no one will ever talk to me again." How awesome is that?! Too funny. Oh, and I can't forget to mention that I used the word "squiddly-poof." Why, I don't remember, but it was somehow related to a blanket that had to be blown up.

Spooky Treats

I hate the word "treat." And "snack", too. Regardless, here is a fun link

And a photo to boot!!

Dedicated to Mister Fichter

Here is something that's pretty funny to me. This old man was my friend Laura's neighbor. His eyes were like Milhouse's behind those coke-bottle glasses, and he was very cute. i assume that he died a long time ago, but I found this picture in the Oxford Press and I want to share it.
_______________________________________

If I want to squeeze into a size 6 again, I can't ever eat this. I don't think I can even smell it. But it sounds really good. Actually, CLAY sounds good at this point, but I'm determined. I walked home from work the long way and then played catch with Spencer for a while (we had to do it yesterday and today, because tomorrow it's going to snow....yuck), and I even dove for the ball a couple of times!!


Walnut pastries in honey syrup

Servings: Makes 14 pastries

Note: From "Arabesque" by Claudia Roden. Use a supermarket brand of filo where the sheets are about 12 inches by 7 inches. Orange blossom water is available at Middle Eastern markets and gourmet shops.

3/4 cup clear honey

1 1/2 tablespoons orange blossom water

2 cups walnuts, coarsely ground

1/3 cup sugar

Zest of 1 orange

14 sheets of filo

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted

1. In a saucepan, make the syrup by bringing the honey, one-half cup water and the orange blossom water to a boil and simmer for 30 seconds. Then let it cool.

2. Mix the walnuts with the sugar and orange zest.

3. Heat the oven to 300 degrees. Open the package of filo only when you are ready to make the pastries. Keep them in a pile so that they do not dry out. Lightly brush the top one with melted butter. Put a line of about 2 to 2 1/2 tablespoons of the walnut mixture at one of the short ends of the rectangle, into a line about three-fourths inch from the short and long edges. Roll it up loosely into a fat cigar shape. Turn the ends in about one-third of the way along to trap the filling, then continue to roll. Continue with the remaining sheets of filo.

4. Place the pastries on a baking sheet, brush them with melted butter and bake them for 40 minutes, or until lightly golden and crisp. Turn each pastry, while still warm, very quickly in the syrup and arrange on a dish. Serve cold with the remaining syrup poured all over.

Each serving: 273 calories; 3 grams protein; 27 grams carbohydrates; 2 grams fiber; 18 grams fat; 5 grams saturated fat; 17 mg. cholesterol; 48 mg. sodium.

Funny Spencerisms...

1. La Isla Bonita - instead of "last night I dreamt of San Pedro", he honestly thought the words are "last night I dreamt of some bagels" and he asked me why on earth anyone would ever write a song about that.

2. At the King Soopers Deli -- "I thought it was bad enough that you eat tofu, but now this?? Feta cheese is DISGUSTING! You get grosser all the time!" What's even worse is that the deli was packed with customers, who all thought that this was a scream, and the counter guy agreed with Spencer that his mother does indeed eat awful foods.

3. Tossing a Football -- "Wow, you're really surprising me with how you throw! Given your age and the fact that you're a girl and all, I wouldn't have guessed that you can throw so far!"

Very funny

THIS is very very funny!!

WHEEEEE....

It's FRIDAY the THIRTEENTH, which I think means Leave Work Early And Go Drink On A Patio Day in ancient Chinese. I'm outta here. No recipe posting, no nuthin, because I don't feel like it and I just want to go have me some gol-darned fun. I found the car title and go tthat all taken care of today, so my weekend mission is to find that camera download cord so I can get back to being a festive picture-posting blog person. Or whatever.

Muff Diving (heehee)

This recipe thing is so much easier than trying to come up with something interesting to write about my life. i have a very uninteresting life. Except for the fact that Will threw me off of the couch last night and I landed on the floor with my skirt over my head and my underwear up my butt. It was VERY interesting. Bottoms up!!

Blueberry vodka & Blackberry IZZE, might have to try that some time soon.

Pumpkin Cornmeal Muffins

1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup milk
4 eggs
1 15-ounce can solid pumpkin
1 1/2 cups whole-wheat flour
1 cup yellow cornmeal
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Heat oven to 350° F. If not using silicone pans, lightly coat two 6-cup muffin tins with vegetable cooking spray.
In a large bowl, with an electric mixer on medium-high speed, beat the butter and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to slow, add the remaining ingredients, and beat for 3 minutes or just until smooth.
Spoon the batter into the muffin pans. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into a muffin comes out clean. Remove from oven and cool on a wire rack.

Yield: 12 muffins

NUTRITION PER SERVING
CALORIES 255(0% from fat); FAT 10g (sat 6g); PROTEIN 6mg; CHOLESTEROL 92mg; CALCIUM 97mg; SODIUM 320mg; FIBER 4g; CARBOHYDRATE 37g; IRON 2mg

Amazingly Yummy Stuff!

BUTTERNUT SQUASH, SAGE, AND GOAT CHEESE RAVIOLI WITH HAZELNUT BROWN-BUTTER SAUCE

For filling
a 2-pound butternut squash, halved lengthwise and seeded
1 medium onion, chopped (about 1 1/2 cups)
1 1/2 teaspoons ground sage
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 garlic clove, minced
3 ounces aged goat cheese, grated (about 2/3)
60 won ton wrappers, thawed if frozen
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
1/3 cup hazelnuts, toasted lightly and skinned and chopped coarse

Preheat oven to 425°F. and lightly grease a baking sheet.

Make filling:
Put squash halves, flesh sides down, an baking sheet and roast in middle of oven 30 minutes, or until flesh is very tender. When squash is cool enough to handle, scoop out flesh into a bowl and discard skin. Mash squash with a fork until smooth.

While squash is roasting, in a skillet cook onion and sage in butter with salt and pepper to taste over moderate heat, stirring, 5 minutes, or until onion is golden brown. Stir in garlic and cook, stirring, 1 minute.

Cool onion mixture slightly and add to squash. Add goat cheese and stir to combine well.

In a 6-quart kettle bring 5 quarts salted water to a gentle boil for ravioli.

Put 1 won ton wrapper on a lightly floured surface, keeping remaining wrappers in plastic wrap, and mound 1 tablespoon filling in center. Lightly brush edges of wrapper with water and put a second wrapper over first, pressing down around filling to force out air and seal edges well. If desired, trim excess dough with a round cutter or sharp knife. Transfer ravioli to a dry kitchen towel. Make more ravioli with remaining wrappers and filling in same manner, transferring as formed to towel and turning occasionally to dry slightly.

In skillet cook butter with hazelnuts over moderate heat until butter begins to brown, about 3 minutes, and immediately remove from heat (nuts will continue to cook). Season hazelnut butter with salt and pepper and keep warm, covered.

Cook ravioli in 3 batches in gently boiling eater 6 minutes, or until they rise to surface and are tender (do not let water boil vigorously once ravioli have been added). Carefully transfer ravioli as cooked with a slotted spoon to a large shallow baking pan and add enough cooking water to reach 1/2 inch up side of pan. Keep ravioli warm, covered.

Transfer ravioli with a slotted spoon ) letting excess cooking liquid drip off) to 6 plates and top with hazelnut brown-butter sauce.

Makes 30 ravioli, serving 6 generously.

My Food Blog

I have decided to post a recipe every day, as a long as I remember to do it. Once upon a time, I made good progress writing a cookbook called "See Cyndy Cook," which is most lovely and, unfortunately, is spread out over about 16 floppy disks. Since I can't access those disks anymore without digging around in a spooky computer graveyard, I'm going to start all over again. I'll quote sources unless I change the recipe significantly (something I am wont to do whether or not I actually attempt to cook the thing). Nothing is going to look fancy until I go back and re-study my HTML book. I might even get ambitious and start a whole new blog, in which I will include photos of myself cooking and Will choking on the food. Yum!

Here is my first recipe:

Croissants Stuffed With Scrambled Eggs, Apples And Brie

Serve these hearty sandwiches as a special treat for brunch or lunch this weekend. Garnish the plates with small bunches of juicy red grapes to add color and crunch and accompany with tall glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice.


8 stemmed spinach leaves
2 large croissants, halved horizontally

Filling

½ large apple, cored, peeled, and quartered
4 eggs
2 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon butter
1/3 cup brie cheese (about 2 ounces) in ½-inch chunks (see Tip)
2 tablespoons snipped fresh chives
Dash of freshly grated nutmeg to taste
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
Arrange 4 spinach leaves on the bottom half of each croissant.

To make the filling: Cut each apple quarter crosswise into ¼-inch-thick slices. Beat the eggs lightly with a fork in a small bowl, then add the milk and beat lightly again; set aside.

Melt the butter in a medium nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the apple slices; cook, stirring occasionally, until the slices are nearly tender, about 3 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium-low; add the egg mixture. As it begins to set, use a spatula to move the cooked portion to the side, allowing the uncooked portions to spread over the bottom. (This will take about 1 minute.)

While the eggs are still very moist, reduce the heat to low; dot with the Brie and sprinkle with the chives, nutmeg, salt, and pepper. Fold some of the cooked eggs over the brie so it will melt. Remove the pan from the heat before the eggs become either dry or browned on the edges. Taste and adjust the seasoning.

Spoon half of the cooked egg mixture over the spinach on each croissant half. Top with the other half of the croissant. Serve hot, with forks.

I have a case of the Mondays

it was so bad that I left work early. I had every intention of coming home, putting on my Harley tee and yoga pants, and chilling out with my computer. My aim was to start a Flikr account so I can keep track of all my photos without using the ever-so-annoying Kodak Easy Share (hah!) Gallery site, which has managed to drop many many of my downloaded pictures.

Alas, I left the frick-frackin' camera cord in my desk. And it's sleeting AND I left a bottle of wine in the car, which Will drove to work. No wine, no phone cord, no happy. This has been my day in a nutshell.

Memorial service

Ben, Bailey and Sophie at the Emily Keyes memorial service on Saturday, Sept. 30. This picture was posted online internationally and in local papers.