29 November 2007

Only the Classiest Chicks go to BGSU!


1:55 a.m.
Catherine R. Gumina, 20, of Bowling Green, was cited for underage drinking at a restaurant on East Wooster Street. Police had gone to the restaurant to investigate a verbal argument between Gumina and another woman who was not cited. When officers detected the odor of alcohol on Gumina and asked her if she had been drinking, she responded by saying, "Duh."

(photo compliments of mulletsgalore.com, which I highly recommend as one of the most hilarious things ever)

20 November 2007

Yowza. I am almost at a loss for words

But not quite...

THIS ARTICLE is par for the course for hillbillies, but check these chicks out. Did they grow to look alike as partners in the same way that normal people do with their pets??? [And NO, by "normal" I am NOT referring to their sexual preference!!] Or maybe they participated in a ritualistic Poor White Trash tooth-pulling ceremony. Either way, it's uncanny.

19 November 2007

Thanks, BGSU, for another laugh..


12:31 a.m.
A pizza delivery man showed up to make a delivery to a home on Seventh street. He was greeted by a man with a gun in his hand. Afterwards the pizza delivery man called the police. Officers spoke with the resident who said it was only a BB gun. Police advised the resident that this was not the best way to answer the door.

Not a Typo


Monday - sunny and 78 degrees

Tuesday - partly cloudy and 52 degrees

Wednesday - snowing and 25 degrees

Shit. Well, at least it's easing in, as opposed to dropping 50+ degrees in one day. Which is not unheard of in this neck o' the weeds, by the way.

16 November 2007

Turkeys - no thanky!

At Theresa's request, I am re-posting my "poor turkeys!" letter from last year. I'm not just making a link because no one would read it (damn you). I'm grossed out by Thanksgiving, really. Can't we show our thanks for each other by doing something like going to see the latest Halloween movie, instead of indulging in a mass consumption of WAY too much food??? I say, movie theater popcorn should become the next trend in Thanksgiving mascots!

Another View of Turkey Day
November 2006

by Delisa Renideo
He felt almost cat-like, rubbing up against the back of my legs. And he followed me around the yard like a devoted dog. And like my cats and dogs, he even bumped his head up against my hand as he stood beside me, requesting that I pet him. And all this affection after only meeting that afternoon.
As I walked around the grounds, I could tell he was still following me because I could hear his labored breathing. He was only a year old, but he wheezed and limped painfully because of his extreme overweight. No, he wasn’t a glutton, out of control of his appetite. His size was the result of genetic manipulation. I was told that he would probably die of a sudden heart attack before his second birthday.
I had never met a turkey in person before, except in cages at the State Fair. But I will never forget the day I spent with him and others like him at Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary, outside Denver.
Like the other 300 million turkeys that are killed in the U.S. each year, my new friend had had part of his beak and some of his toes cut off when he was only hours old, without any anesthesia. He was conceived by artificial insemination, as all turkeys are these days, because mating is physically impossible. Human appetite for white meat has led to the genetic engineering of turkeys with huge breasts that make it impossible for them to get close enough to mate. They are also created to grow abnormally fast, as well as very large, leading to lameness and stress on their immature skeletons, hearts and lungs. Thus, the limping and wheezing of my special new friend as he tried to balance his over-sized body on his mutilated feet as he followed me affectionately around.
We generally don’t think much about the centerpiece on our Thanksgiving table. If we think about the turkey as a real animal at all, it’s probably to assume that he doesn’t really have feelings or a personality. Certainly not the way our dogs and cats do. But after my experience at Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary, I know without a shadow of a doubt that isn’t true. Not only do these affectionate animals have personalities, but they wear their feelings where all can see them. The color of their heads changes from blue to pink and red as their emotions change.
It used to bother me to hear people say, “Happy Turkey Day” instead of “Happy Thanksgiving.” I was saddened to think that we had lost the whole point of Thanksgiving, which is to remember to be grateful for all we have, and instead we have focused on stuffing ourselves as well as a turkey.
But now I have another idea. If we could truly celebrate Turkey Day, maybe it would be like celebrating Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or Veteran’s Day or President’s Day. We don’t eat our mothers, fathers, veterans, or president. We honor them, appreciating them for who they are and what they have done for us. We set aside a day to remember them, respect them, and be grateful for them.
I envision the day when we will look back upon the slaughter of 45 million turkeys for Thanksgiving alone – that’s 675 million pounds of animal flesh in one day – with regret. I’d like to think that when that day comes, we might have a real “Turkey Day” to honor the lives of these sensitive, affectionate beings that we harmed so much before we awakened to a reverence for all life. And when that day comes, not only will we have peace on our plates, but we’ll be on our way to peace in the world.

Delisa Renideo resides in Wasilla. You can reach her at 907-373-1526 for suggestions for a delicious, turkey-free, plant-based Thanksgiving dinner.

Man, How I LOVE My Alma Mater's Police Blotter

(alma mater police blotter...I'm a poet!)


2:24 a.m.

Phillip C. Seas, 20, of Piqua, Ohio, was cited for underage drinking and prohibited acts. Officers saw Seas drop an empty bottle on the ground. As he walked away he dropped his pants in order to moon his friends. Police stopped Seas and found a fake ID on him and found he had been drinking."

Amazing deduction, Watson!! Duh.

12 November 2007


Not sure how valid they are now, seeing as how I decided last night that we're on a "break" for a while, -- at least until he gets back from vacation after Thanksgiving -- but they're pretty good pictures, so here ya go:

More to follow soon, from our debaucherous Friday night in Denver!

05 November 2007

My new niece...

Grace, Adelaide, Libby

Adelaide Wilde Jay, born yesterday. Spencer's cousin Atticus was born Saturday night (congrats, Kathy and Pete!) and they called me at 11 pm to tell me, right after it happened...and I'm not even technically related to them any more!!

01 November 2007


Someone in my office just made a silent, very very stinky, diarrhea fart. His face turned all red, and he booked to the bathroom. This was about 10 minutes ago, and as of right now he has not come back. Should I send him THIS???