26 October 2007

Flip That House

Isn’t it funny how when you're sick and laying in bed or on the couch at home, you just stare at the walls and then your inner Christopher Lowell pops out and you’ve got the whole place redecorated in your head...my living room is FABULOUS when I’m half comatose!

24 October 2007


These are crappy, but at least you can tell that we had a fun night at Jil's bachelorette party! The videos are hilarious, but I didn't bother to upload them because there's no sound. Plus, Jil is dancing around in lingerie, so they might end up on YouTube, and we CAN'T HAVE THAT!!

Tanya Does The Tea Room



The tattoo that Liz so loving constructed for me out of various other tattoos. This photo doesn't show the big sparkly "SEXY" that she pasted on above the kitty.

11 October 2007

Another Quote

"A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world."

Paul Dudley White (whoever he is!)

10 October 2007

Anne Lamott

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

"When hope is not pinned wriggling onto a shiny image or expectation, it sometimes floats forth and opens."

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."

"Any willingness to let go inevitably comes from pain; and the desire to change changes you, and jiggles the spirit, gets to it somehow, to the deepest, hardest, most ruined parts."

~all Anne Lamott

09 October 2007

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged...

I have been hasty in my decision to accept no blame. So, let it be stated that, compliments of my son (wise at 10), I know that I had a lot to do with my recent break-up. I often took W for granted, I was too lax in my insistence that we seek help as a couple, I drank too much and said things I didn't mean (oh, wait, I did that the other day, too...shit), etc etc. I tried to change him and that was wrong; it would have been more acceptable, and might have even worked, if I explained WHY I was doing it. Instead, starting about last January, I sat alone in the other living room on the nights that he was home, and ignored what was going on between us (nothing).

I was very passive-aggressive, saying things like, "well, I was HOPING that you would want to stay home and talk with me instead of going to that damned bar to play pool with your buddies." I told him often -- and I stil believe this, actually -- that the bar and his drinking friends (oh, and the college pootie that apparently he is loving on these days) were more important than our relationship, and more worthy in his mind of his time. Boy howdy, he proved me right on that one! But still, I could have and should have handled it (and most other things) a lot differently.

I wish that now he would just grab his balls in his hand and agree to meet me to talk. I think that he would be surprised that I have a lot of negative things to say about myself, too. It takes two to fuck up a relationship, although it really only takes one to decide that it's over.

And I have positive things to say: he's funny, smart, kind, friendly, people like him, he's handsome, good with kids, willing to help always, he drives at night and in the snow, he's a hard worker, good in the sack, and loving. Just to name a few things. I won't go too far on the negative side because this is a public forum and there's no reason to be intentionally nasty. Buuuuut, he is immature, an alcoholic, unwilling to face certain truths and work to make them better, and generally lazy about making himself a better person. Please note that I myself identify way too closely with all but the immature part!

(Romans 14:1, 4, 12, 22)
Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters...Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls...So then each of us will give an account of himself to God...So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.

04 October 2007

From MSN.com Today

This is from an article about how to be a happier person. Other things you should do: practice random acts of kindness, talk to friends often, express gratitude (THANK YOU, FRIENDS!!! -- look, I just did two in one!), and this, reappraise history:

"Yes, you can rewrite history—and feel better about yourself in the bargain. Set aside a little time each week to write about or record—or even just mentally revisit—an important event in your past. Reflecting on the experience can reshape your perception of it, as well as your expectations for the future, says Robert N. Butler, MD, president of the International Longevity Center-USA in New York City. When creating this "life review," you get to list all your accomplishments—an instant self-esteem booster. Organize your historical review by epochs: your postcollege years, early marriage, career, motherhood. Subdivide each section into triumphs, missteps, and lessons for the future.

It's helpful to look at the bad times as well as the good. Perhaps now that a few years have passed, you'll be able to see how that breakup or failed job opportunity opened other doors and finally forgive yourself—and your ex-boyfriend or would-be boss. "Even if a memory is painful, it's good to work through it," says Butler. "If you can come to terms with past events, you'll be better able to handle tough times down the road." So be honest, but also go easy on yourself. Remember: You are the heroine in this tale."

03 October 2007

A Little Humility is Good for Everyone

I think that THIS is a perfectly fitting punishment for an obnoxious teenaged thief. Kudos to her parents!

Still Crying, But Not So Much (the update)

1. Will is gone and I am feeling lonely and a little more hopeful that I will meet someone who deserves me, and vice versa.
1.5 I am only slightly pathetic.
2. Spencer is seeing a shrink (not related to #1). It is going well and I'm hoping that he can stay with me instead of moving in with his dad.
3. My house is now almost completely clean. Furniture is in place and I have begun throwing things out with a fervor.
4. The toilet broke and is now fixed.
5. The ominous "CHECK ENGINE" light on my car is glowing brightly, even after a large repair bill. It is replacing the "CHECK OIL" light, which went out when I got the oil changed. Broken engine mount is fixed.
6. The black circles under my eyes are getting lighter. I'm remembering to take my vitamins since I am basically not eating. 15 pounds and counting since September 14.
7. The carpet has been replaced and, while it is ugly Berber stuff, it certainly looks much better now. The carpet guy was a crazy person.
8. It is getting cold at night. And colder still, which means that I can have fires at night.
9. I can't eat! Remains the same.
10. I am hating my job only a little these days.
11. I am too lazy to look for a new job. Remains the same.
12. My self-esteem is shot but I am in high hopes that I can repair it. Some day I will talk privately with Will about what went wrong, and I believe that this will help me move forward and do it right next time.
13. My cell phone is broken. Remains the same, though I found an old one and am using that for the time being.
14. I have no social life. Remains the same.
15. I am angry with ME for allowing all this shit into my life and for letting it all bug me so much.

02 October 2007

Looking for Suggestions

on what to say in the note I send to Will's mom when I return the engagement rings.

What I WANT to say:

Dear Lois,

Thank you ever so much for raising a fucking asshole who is interested in nothing but his own personal enjoyment and self-satisfaction. He is an alcoholic, self-absorbed fuckwad who ruined my life as I currently know it. Everything happens for a reason, so by some miracle of god your son did me a favor and moved out of my house. Of course, he left me with all the bills to pay, the yard to mow, no assistance whatsoever, and he left without saying goodbye. What he did say was that he's now free to fuck college girls which, BTW, he has been doing. Regardless, the fact that someone who asked me to marry him never really cared at all about me shows just how well he was raised...to be a codependent, useless and altogether non-self-sufficient person. It's very sad and it pains me to realize that I spent 2 years of my life hoping that he would change. It pains me further that my son had to experience a lot of the poor behavior, and even moreso that I still care.

Have a nice day.

What I WILL say (or something close):

Dear Lois,

I regret being in the circumstances that bring me to return these rings to you. I feel badly that things didn't work out as we had hoped. Please know that I think fondly of you and Chuck, and I wish you the best.