24 December 2008

Spencer to Pudge

"I've found Pudge in a box...now let's shut that box, and ship you off to Cuteville!"

16 December 2008

Bone Fishing

Me: "Maybe I'll go to Bimini...but I'm not interested in bonefishing..."

Me and Kat, simultaneously: "heehee, BONEfishing!"

Kat: "bonefishing...that was my major in college."

Patti and Jane (after it hit them): hysterical laughter

15 December 2008


From today's BG News:

4:10 P.M.
Andrew Furgeson, 21, of Bowling Green, was arrested for inducing panic after threatening to burn his apartment down because no one would clean his stove.

Someone call the WAh-mbulance, Mister Clean is having a hissy fit!

My stove is always a nightmare. Does this mean something? Should I run into the street and start screaming "CLEAN MY F*CKING STOVE OR YOU'RE DEAD!!!"? It would be a nice way to relieve some stress, like an OCD primal yell, and I might even end up with a sparkling oven.

On brighter note, I got my camera working again and ALL IS GOOD. It's too cold to take pictures today, though. It's DAMN cold. Minus 18 last night, and -8 right now. WTF.

08 December 2008


Upon seeing an Arnold Palmer Tea bottle with a top shaped like a golf ball and a picture of Arnie on the front:

"Look, now they're making sports drinks for old people!"

One-word Meme


Where is your cell phone? Counter
Where is your significant other? Therapy :-)
Your hair color? DirtyBlonde
Your mother? Fletcher
Your father? Fletcher
Your favorite thing? Child
Your dream last night? Scary
Your goal? Security
The room you’re in? Living
Your hobby? Yahtzee
Your fear? Death
Where do you want to be in six years? Happy
Where were you last night? Home
What you’re not? Crafty
One of your wish-list items? House
Where you grew up? Oxford
The last thing you did? Laundry
What are you wearing? Pajamas
Your TV? On
Your pet? Cats
Your computer? MacBook
Your mood? Tired
Missing someone? Yes
Your car? Focus
Something you’re not wearing? Bra
Favorite store? Target
Your summer? Hot
Love someone? Lots
Your favorite color? Green
When is the last time you laughed? Today
Last time you cried? ??

18 November 2008

Larry the Cable Guy

On Jay Leno tonight, talking about his wife wanting new boobs:

"I don't know what they put in them fake boobs. Wood chips, maybe? There's fire ants in wood chips..."

11 November 2008


1. Me: you'd better pick up your phone off the floor, otherwise someone's going to step on it.
Spencer: you know, I was just thinking, you have a keen sense for the obvious.

2. Will: that was a satisfying burp.
Spencer: sometimes I have a satisfying fart. But other times, it stings.

3. Spencer: Jethro [one of our cats] is obsessed with that cat toy. I think he's hooked on the 'nip.

Thank god he's funny. Otherwise, I would have killed him a long time ago. :-)

07 November 2008

Pee Ess

I forgot to mention that the woodpile is in the HOUSE. I touched a black widow spider in my house. And yes, Red Flashlight, I carefully removed it and put it outside where it belongs - see, I'm not a horrible arachnid killer after all! Oh, and ignore the date on the photo...I had to use Spencer's camera since mine was out of reach...and there was NO WAY I was going to leave that little critter unattended for even a second.

Ya know, I just realized that I haven't mentioned penis gourds in a really long time. You can read about them
HERE. You know you want to.

When is it going to be 5?

06 November 2008

In the woodpile..

It's one of THESE. Um, YEAH. I touched it. EEK!

05 November 2008

Hell to the YEAH!!!

Now I'm left wondering why so many of the more "liberal" amendments were voted down, in both Colorado and other states. Can it be that our friends to the right actually recognized that the McCain/Palin ticket was going too far, even though they stuck to their guns about the issues? Weird.

Meantime, I found this absolutely delicious article randomly online today. ("You wouldn't understand" side note: I have been vindicated, and Tim Brown needs to stand up and declare himself to Debbie and me - we were right all along!!! The naked girl in the hot tub during Spring Break doesn't count.) :-)


OH-05 GOP: Commish Tim Brown Drops Bid, Says He's Gay
BOWLING GREEN (TDB) -- Wood County Commissioner Tim Brown publicly acknowledged he is gay and now says he won't be a candidate for the vacant OH-05 congressional seat. He was outed by an anonymous commenter Friday on the Ohio Daily blog. He discussed his sexual orientation in a story published today by the Sentinel-Tribune, the local newspaper in Bowling Green in NW Ohio.

'This is how I was born,' he said. 'This is an orientation.'
Brown realizes that some people will view him as a 'gay commissioner,' instead of a 'commissioner who happens to be gay.'
In some ways, the decision to openly discuss his orientation came as a relief, Brown said, since he has wondered in the past how political adversaries might use it against him.
'I am comfortable with my orientation and have the full support of my family and friends,' he said. "It's not a secret, it is a personal matter to me and I intend to keep it that way.'
Brown emphasized that his sexual orientation in no way diminishes his effectiveness as county commissioner.
'Serving the people of Northwest Ohio is something I cherish and have dedicated the last 20 years to and I hope to continue that service,' he said.

The Daily Bellwether, which placed a call to Brown that was not returned Friday, agrees that sexual orientation should in no way diminish his effectiveness as a public official. And it is more than unfortunate that in Ohio's current political climate a possible congressional campaign had to fold before it had a chance to begin. Brown, of course, is a Republican. And his party has not been seen as exactly welcoming for gays and lesbians.

Meanwhile, there are people telling The Bellwether that Brown made a mistake by abandoning his plans to enter the contest to succeed the late U.S. Rep. Paul Gillmor, who died suddenly Sept. 5. They contend he should have run openly as a gay man and forced people to consider, and perhaps confront their prejudices. Even if he lost at the polls, they figure Ohioans would have seen, and learned, that gay Ohioans are not some kind of terrible figures whose sexual orientation makes them unfit for national political office. And that would have been a victory in its own right, perhaps greater than winning a Congressional seat. Bottomline: The bigots won and Brown missed an opportunity to openly combat prejudice and stereotyping with a run for Congress in an extremely conservative corner of the state.

31 October 2008


I was sorting all my pictures in iPhoto and ended up deleting a ton of them. I can't get them back. There were pictures from Halloween today, Spencer's friends throughout the years, the cats (PEEP, RIP), all of my flower pictures, baby pictures, and everything I had gotten from friends. These were all added to the library since I last backed up my pictures onto my hard drive. Happy Fucking Halloween to me (pardon my French).

The Munchkin Masquerade on the Pearl Street Mall was insane this afternoon - and I got there AFTER the crowd started thinning out! Pictures of Spencer the Hippie, take two, will be added to this post on Sunday.

My "All Dolled Up" dress, front view - sans green boots, waterfall hairpiece, and ME (click on it):

Next year's costume ideas: holy shit, all ears, green eggs and ham

The Loot (photo complete with sugar-crack faced uber smile):

Sorted into piles (duh, you HAVE to write down everything in the bag!!):

Very warm here this weekend

SO warm, in fact, that my tiger lily bloomed again!

15 October 2008

Office Safety!

Rick Stein, of Boulder, shows photos of the mountain lion that came onto his back porch Monday. Stein was inside his home, on Folsom Street near Canyon Boulevard, when he saw the lion. My office is at 1820...right across the street!

Mountain lion spotted on Folsom; DOW has yet to trap and relocate the cougar

By Vanessa Miller (Contact)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008

At his home on Folsom Street this week — just a short walk from popular shopping areas between Pearl Street and Canyon Boulevard — Rick Stein, 56, had a surprise guest.

A mountain lion was crouched on the back porch of his home, at 1833 Folsom St., peering in through a sliding glass door and leaning back on his haunches, ready to pounce, Stein said.

“I came up to the glass, and it snarled at me,” he said. “What a way to start the day.”

The lion encounter happened about 9:30 a.m. Monday just after Stein’s wife had let their dog, Buddy, into the backyard. When Stein saw the cougar on his porch, Buddy was just feet away. His dog and wife sprinted to the apartment complex’s laundry room, while Stein grabbed a camera and started snapping photos.

“I’ve seen almost everything, but I’ve never seen a lion on the patio,” he said. “This is deeper in town than I’ve ever seen a cat.”

Stein said he tried to scare the cougar away and called 911. Before officers could arrive, however, the lion took off into the wooded area that backs up to Stein’s home. Colorado Division of Wildlife officials later joined officers at the scene and found a raccoon carcass in the area that probably was left by the lion.

They used that carcass as bait for the cougar. But the trap — which they set overnight Monday and was tripped by Tuesday morning — failed to net the lion, officials said.

Stein said he wanted to notify the community of the lion sighting. But, he said, Division of Wildlife officials told him not to tell anyone until they finished trying to trap the animal.

“If you have a big cat roaming around this deep into town, it’s almost like a public service announcement,” he said.

Jennifer Churchill, a spokeswoman for the division, said officers try to keep people away from an area where a lion is running loose, and notifying the public isn’t always the best way to do that.

“Anytime we have wildlife in town and word gets out, we have people rushing to see if they can get a glimpse,” Churchill said.

Public attention also makes trapping a lion more difficult, Churchill said, especially in Boulder, where there is a “diverse” range of opinions on living with wildlife.

“People feel differently about relocating lions,” she said. “So we try not to do an advertisement if we’re going to relocate one.”

Churchill said even though people don’t hear or see lions much in the downtown area, “They absolutely come into town.

“There is so much wildlife in Boulder, so there’s a lot for lions to eat,” she said. “If you live in the Boulder area or anywhere in the foothills, you should be aware of lions coming and going.”

Cam's Mountain Lion picture (Frying Pan River, Roaring Fork Valley, Colorado):

30 September 2008

Best Headline of the Day

Serial Cigarette Burglar May Be Chain Smoker

Not worth reading, except for this: "Police describe the suspect as a white male, about 6 feet tall, 175 pounds, wearing a black ski mask, black hooded sweatshirt, gloves and dark pants. He also may smell of cigarette smoke."

28 September 2008

I Made a Funny

The washing machine finished a cycle and made a weird half-beep. I wondered aloud if maybe the fuse had blown or something...but a few minutes later, there was a really loud, really long BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, and I said...


"Wow, sounds like it's making up for lost chime.” LOL

25 September 2008

My comment at the BG News website:

(the context: every week the police blotter has about 100 arrests for public urination)

posted 9/25/08 @ 3:23 PM EST

Why is it that so many people in BG pee on the streets downtown? Perhaps it would be worth the cost to build a public toilet near the bars...

Funny Picture

Look closely (click on it) and check out my name written on my cup....I was terrified that someone would take my wine. NOT THE WINE, DAMMIT! TAKE MY VIRGINITY, TAKE MY FIRST BORN, BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE LEAVE THE WINE!!!!

09 September 2008

Good Old BG News

Thanks God they explained "public urination". Or was that the "disorderly conduct"? After all, it's most disorderly to walk and pee at the same time.


1:35 a.m.
Bradley Rader of Medina, Ohio, was cited for disorderly conduct, underage under the influence and public urination. According to police reports, an officer witnessed Rader walking "on the sidewalk with his fly open, and his penis exposed with a stream of urine coming from it."

Why I Will Never Own a Home in Boulder, CO

Boulder home prices rank high

BOULDER - If you're looking for an average single-family home in Colorado's main housing markets, Boulder is the most expensive in the state, and Colorado Springs is the most affordable.

So says an annual Coldwell Banker survey, which compared prices of the average 2,200-square-foot, four-bedroom, two-and-a-half bath, two-car garage home in 315 U.S. housing markets. In Boulder, such a home would run about $645,000, the survey said. In Colorado Springs, the same home would cost about $198,500.

The price difference of $446,600 of two similar homes in the same state ranked Colorado with the 10th-largest gap in the U.S. from most expensive to most affordable. California had the largest price gap - of about $1.5 million - between the most and least expensive housing markets in one state.

La Jolla, Calif. ranked as the most expensive market in the entire U.S., where the average home costs $1,841,667. Sioux City, Iowa came in as the most affordable market in the U.S. with an average home price of $133,459.

Dubai was the most expensive market studied outside of North America, where the average comparable home cost $2.45 million.

03 September 2008

W Does It Again

Bicyclist injured on Arapahoe Avenue

A bicyclist was hospitalized with a broken pelvis and broken ribs after he was struck by a car while riding through the intersection of Arapahoe Avenue and Foothills Parkway late Monday afternoon.

The accident tied up traffic on Foothills Parkway for most of the evening's commute.

William Robson, 31, was riding his bike east through the intersection at about 4:15 p.m. when he was struck by a car heading north on Foothills. Robson, who was not wearing a helmet, was cited for disobeying a red light, according to police. He was taken by ambulance to Boulder Community Hospital.

The driver of the car was not cited.

The accident backed up traffic at the intersection for more than an hour.


As a person who happens to be in the know: 1. the cyclist did indeed t-bone the car and was in the wrong, 2. he was not wearing a helmet, and 3. he sustained no head injuries so in this case it wouldn't have made a difference (and lucky for him he has a hard head). Yes, we have all given him loads of sh*t about not wearing a helmet and he's aware that he could easily be dead right now. 4. He wasn't in a hurry, he misjudged the changing of the lights. It was an ACCIDENT. They happen, you know. To those commenters who seem to think that they know it all - please remember that everyone makes mistakes. Geesh.

27 August 2008

Have you ever heard a cat fart?

It sounds like baked beans being violently squeezed through a little hole in a plastic baggie. For real. I never thought I would be lucky enough to hear such a thing, let alone in my own house...I'm going to play the lottery today!

22 August 2008

I'm really bored today

There is a damned good reason...

that I have never walked down the aisle. I took the test and scored FOUR. Out of a HUNDRED. Good grief.

I'm afraid that I'm going to ruminate over this all day (until directly after work, at which point I will start drinking, smoking and using profanity, and promptly commence to not giving a shit what a horrible life partner I would make).


As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!

Spiders and Peters


21 August 2008

I DID NOT WRITE THIS (note: political incorrectness ahead)

And I'm probably going to get my pants sued off for posting it here. Whatever. I could have just posted a link, but it's just too awesome to risk losing it some day when the Pork Tornado gets ripped off of the air for being subversive and RIGHT ON about stupid people (except for the nuclear stuff, and I won't start on that. But I DO agree with alternative energy ideas!) It's very long, but oh so worth the read. I've cut out some stuff at the beginning that's not relevant to the point of his diatribe.

Here's his web address, just so no one thinks that I'm trying to take the credit for describing almost 99% of the retards in this universe: salamitsunami.com

After you read this, go straight to the website and check out the Worst Album Covers. READ EVERY WORD. This is good shit...every time I read it (and I read it often), it brings me to tears of laughter and embarrassing workplace incontinence.

Signs of Dumb
August 18th, 2008 by Dusty

I’m sure it will come as no shock when I say that I have an exceedingly low tolerance for dumb people. Let’s define that, though. If a person has an IQ of, say, 70, and wears a dirty crumpled up baseball cap with a picture of Big Bird on it and spends lots of time clapping, they are retarded, not dumb. I have nothing but love for those folks, and I have found in my limited interaction with them that they can actually teach the rest of us a lot about how to enjoy what we have.

When it comes to the people I can’t be around (the other kind of retard), I’m talking about people with average and sometimes above average IQ (or whatever quotient they use to measure basal intelligence) who for some reason depart from logic and spend lots of time wringing their hands in fear of some scenario they have dreamt up, rather than learning from experience and using life to help them understand the way things are. These are the people who are generally ineffective because they are just bright enough to have a semi-profound thought, but not quite bright enough to do anything with it.

Shitty Lifechoicers - I mentioned it a few entries back - they know that a certain friend is a douchebag who causes trouble or has no social skills, but every time you talk to them, they have another story about how that person made bad things happen to them. A similar condition afflicts people who date losers over and over, but I think in that case it is more of a psychological condition than simple stupidity. An extension of the self-loathing it takes to surround yourself with people who are no good for you is this person -

“Dude, did I do something to piss Steve off?”
“You mean Salesguy Steve?”
“Yeah. I said hi to him today and he just looked at me and walked by. He seems like he’s pissed about something.”
“Wait. Steve from sales. Right? The guy who doesn’t wear socks, shaves his forearms, and cheats on his wife? We’re talking about the same guy?”
“Yeah. Cockbag McToolbox Steve. That’s the one. He seems like he hates me all of a sudden.”
“He’s a total douche. Why the hell do you care, and can I get back the time I just spent talking about this?”

We all know someone who doesn’t like someone else, but for some weird reason is disappointed if that person doesn’t like them. I don’t understand that. I like everyone I meet until they give me reason not to, and then if I decide I don’t like them, they no longer exist. I won’t necessarily walk up to them and force them to hate me, but I’m not going to go out of my way to accommodate them or engage them in conversation, and nothing could possibly matter less to me than what they think of me. In fact, it’s better if they don’t like me, because that reduces the number of seconds I have to waste interacting with them.

Another example - people who will not admit that there are correct answers to certain questions, or notruthers. When I was in high school I took this civics class and we talked about social issues as a group. A group of Georgia public high school students. So you know it was awesome and insightful. The debate of the day was the Iraq/Kuwait thing that was in full effect at the time. We had people who thought war for any reason was wrong, people who wanted to put it in God’s hands, people who said we should nuke the entire region, and a handful of people who weren’t retarded. We (non-retards) brought up the issue of alternate energy sources. How are we going to incentivize anyone to really dump some huge bucks into batteries, solar, wind, whatever and make it work like it should? It came to a point where our teacher asked us for an answer, and we’d have to debate it the next day.

So I thought long and hard about it. I wanted an answer that I knew would work. Nothing will make everybody happy, but I know there is an answer to the question “What will make us as a nation really look for other ways to produce energy?”

My answer the following day was “Oil needs to cost $300 a barrel and gasoline should be about $10 a gallon.” (collective gasp). ONE person agreed with me, and I was baffled. Considering the millions of times we have seen this economic model in action, people still whined about a bunch of apocalyptic scenarios in which people would have to burn their children to heat their homes. Crazy, illogical, slippery slope answer that stupid people use. BULL. SHIT. Call it a flaw in the system or the beauty of free enterprise, but if you can make it financially more appealing to pursue another avenue, they will find their way every time. None of the world-ending scenarios that the worriers dream up have ever come to fruition. Why? Not because a government program prohibited it, but because that scenario stops making sense somewhere between “people will not enjoy paying that much” and “nuclear holocaust”.

Fast forward roughly 20 years, and look around you. Gas is expensive. People like me (yes, I am the little guy. I have to be extremely careful where I put my dollars) can hardly afford to drive anywhere. And holy shitballs, batman - suddenly Atlanta is figuring out how to make a workable light rail system. Our current light rail system is seeing more business than ever, the big bad evil oil companies are putting record numbers of dollars into battery technology, wind energy, and other non-oil sources. It’s even starting to look like America is finally going to wake the fuck up and start producing nuclear energy like the rest of the world has been doing for 40 years. Can you believe it? Out of financial necessity we are polluting less and walking more. Sure, we’d all like to see a world where everyone does those things out of the goodness of their hearts, but that’s out in the realm of warm fuzzy feelings, which is not the way things work.

So I went into more detail than I had intended with that one, but my point was that some people will only argue the negative - Ooh. look what bad could possibly happen. We’d better not try anything. Special thanks to the dipshits who tied themselves to bulldozers in protest of building nuclear power plants in the 70s. I’m sure the thousands of people who die every year due to the mining and use of coal are grateful that you had your best stupid opinion in mind. Look at what history shows to work, and give that a shot.

Before you fire off an angry email, let me assure you that I am one of the losers in this situation. You think auto fuel is expensive? Try filling an airplane with aviation fuel. As a result, no one can afford flight training, every airline and charter company is feeling the pain, and guys like me have a tough time finding a job. Do I cry about it and wish ill on the big bad corporations? Hell no. Those corporations are going to be at least partly responsible for whatever gets us out of this, so we’d better be careful which hand we bite. Anywhere there are losers there have to be winners, and they are the ones I need to watch and learn from. I personally think that the current energy “crisis” is going to turn out to be a renaissance of ingenuity that history will look on very favorably, and I’m amped to see what new ideas come out of it. Hopefully my generation isn’t such a bunch of weeping pussies that they can see past their temporary setbacks and do something useful.

Back on subject now - more categories of irritating dumbness:

People who get way too caught up in stupid details/their own ego. Also known as people I wish would kill themselves. I was watching that show “Flipping Out” where this completely obsessive compulsive gay dude buys houses and fixes them up. He is a hard worker and therefore successful, but a nasty rude piece of shit, too. I saw one clip where his assistant gets him a starbucks coffee and he says “Is this 140 degrees?” “Yeah. that’s what I asked for.” she replies. “I think it’s more like 150 or 155.” he says “I need it to be 140″. He went on for a minute or two, seemingly just to prove how picky he can be.

I don’t know why, but even seeing someone else have that conversation makes me want to punch a wall. It was even worse when I used to work at AppForge. Anyone who works in a corporate environment knows that there is nothing worse than a self-important moron with a big title who is bored. I have tons of these stories, but I’ll recount only a few.

A few years ago we were having a career fair where we invited a select 20 or so of Georgia Tech’s top computer nerds to come see our company in hopes of hiring a few of them. This chick that worked upstairs asked me to make name tags for them, and although I knew that it was something that could easily be done by our admin assistant, I wasn’t terribly busy so I did it. I made neato name tags for each of them with a Georgia tech logo and an AppForge logo, printed them out, and put them in little badge holders. Done in an hour. Immediately thereafter I had another project come up with a deadline, so I got busy with that. Then the bored retarded chick decided she wanted me to re-print the tags with each person’s major listed on it. I said I couldn’t because I had to do the other project.

Then she came back down and said “We really need these nametags. The event is tomorrow.” “Uhh…you have the name tags.” I said. “No we need them to have their major on them.”


Finally the person who requested the new project said that the chick needed her nametags, and I should work on those. I am convinced that a huge number of decisions like this one in all areas of the company eventually led to AppForge closing its doors. We are going to put our only creative resource on (pick one - making name tags, changing someone’s title on their business card from VP of sales to VP-sales, creating package graphics for a product that no one intends to launch, making custom placeholders for a meeting, or any of a million other things that will never have a positive impact on the bottom line), instead of doing the things that help us sell software? It was everywhere - meetings to discuss how we would categorize customers we didn’t even have, meetings to schedule meetings, new products built on products that had already failed, the list is endless.

So I put their goddamn majors on the name tags and printed them out again. Still not good enough.

She said “I think we should put the date of the event on them.” “Really? Why?” (hoping she had a damn good reason, but disappointed as usual) And by the way, why does it take an entire batch of finished name tags for you to make the next stupid decision on how to waste time?

“In case they decide to come back next year and want to use the same name tag.”

She actually said that in front of three other people, and I am the only one who laughed. Are you fucking joking? Do you really have nothing else to do but micromanage a completely inconsequential project? Do you honestly believe that ANYONE will keep up with this stupid tag for an entire year and bring it to the next job fair? Please kill yourself. Please. I’m begging.

Sometimes when these situations came up I would go to someone else just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Why can’t anyone keep this from happening? SOMEONE PLEASE SHAME HER AND MAKE HER UNDERSTAND THAT SHE NEEDS TO FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE. In every case, there would be a shrug of the shoulders, some kind of “I know it’s frustrating” rigamarole, and a “just get it done and it’ll be over.” I’d walk away wondering if maybe I just live in a parallel universe and there was something huge that I didn’t understand.

In the end, I spent six hours reprinting those name tags until they were the best damn name tags ever to be completely ignored and thrown away before the job fair was even over. I took the time to point this fact out to the retard who thought they were so important - *holding the garbage can up with a dozen said name tags in it* - “Hey, do you think we should maybe get these out and clean them up and then mail them to their owners? It should only take a day or two to figure out where they all live, and we can pack each one in a custom made wooden crate…”, but that was just me being difficult, as I later learned while being reprimanded for my out of control common sense.

Another great example - we were throwing a party at a trade show and I wrote and submitted phrases for fortune cookies we would have there. Little somewhat humorous things about how the future is bright for you if you use our stuff. Whatever. A few of them said “Confuscious say….” (because they were fortune cookies, and that’s a classic fortune cookie line) and someone with the word “Chief” in their title actually made us change the whole frigging thing because “If we have any Asian people there, they might get offended.” If you are the person who made that phone call, kill yourself. Your job and lot in life are useless and pointless. Really.

Someone also had an idea for the name of a database where customers could share applications they made with our product. Since our name was AppForge and Napster was all over the news at the time, one of our more inventive software guys coined the name “AppSter”. Simple. Descriptive. Topical. Very good.

As I was producing graphics for what I thought was one of only a few truly creative ideas that hadn’t been dumbed out of existence, I was informed that we would not be using that name. “Too much negative publicity around it, and we didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea.” Yeah. Just too edgy and dangerous. What were we thinking?

Again. PLEASE. Kill yourself, whoever took the time to come to that conclusion. If it was a group decision, tell me what room you are in so I can lob a hand grenade in there.

Another agonizing example (and I swear on whatever book you worship that I am not making one word of this up) - I designed and printed brochures for another company I was working for, and on the back in 6pt type it said “copyright blah blah blah, all rights reserved” We had to re-print them because someone said there needed to be a period after the word “reserved”. Kill. self. now.

Again, it comes back to a matter of there being a right and a wrong answer. It may be merely my opinion that this font is better than that one when I use it on your letterhead, but it is a fact - undeniable and provable beyond any doubt - that the time and money it takes to change it to a different font, add a period, or shorten the music by two seconds in the intro is not going to make a single penny, improve anyone’s experience, or otherwise improve the existing situation in any way.

A slight variation of this is the clutcher. This is the person who will pick something irrelevant out of a conversation or situation and get their little mind all twisted up into it to the point that they can’t move on. Think of a car driving through a parking lot at 5 MPH, running over a skittle, flipping into the air and bursting into flames. That’s how I think of these people. I dated a lot of girls who had this flaw, and that may be the reason I can pick it out from three statute miles. Let’s say you’re discussing something about technology, and you mistakenly use the word “pornograph” instead of “phonograph” while making a point. Slip of the tongue, two second chuckle, and move on, right? The clutcher will bring it up over and over in an attempt to derail the conversation because he or she has nothing useful to offer.

“Where you going? Gonna go listen to your pornograph? haha.” Shut up.

It’s like having a conversation with a friend and his dog is sitting there, and then you say something like “…after she left, the sheets were in a ball at the foot of the bed. I’m telling you- best $13 I have ever spent…” and the guy’s dog goes bonkers and starts running around barking and won’t shut up because you said the word “ball”. You’ve lost the dog at that point and he’s just going to ruin the conversation for you and your friend.

the clutcher also suffers micro-traumas from other events that would be ignored by most people. Let’s say my ex girlfriend was so stupid that every time we went to her house, she would get off the highway at an exit, drive across the overpass, and get back on the same highway. One day I asked her why she always did that (I thought she might be afraid of bridges or something), and she actually thought she was getting on a different road. I laughed a little bit about that, as I was entitled to do, and thanked god she wasn’t ugly, or she’d be in the middle of the desert begging for water. She was a clutcher, so any time anyone did anything mistakenly after that, she’d say “Are you going to make fun of them? Wanna’ make them feel stupid? Seems to be your hobby…” instead of just letting me forget about it.

Now let’s get into naysayers and pointmissers -

Naysayers are the people who will always take an opposing position to what you say, just so they can consider themselves objective. They are closely related to the Negative people, but really just have loose control of their mouths. If you make any kind of observation about how something is crap and you got railroaded (even if all you are doing is venting), they’ll come immediately to the defense of the other side and make you start defending your position like they have some special interest in whatever you are ranting about.

“I got a frigging parking ticket, and I was walking up to my car at the same time the meter maid was. What a bunch of losers those people are, you know? Just walk around giving tickets to taxpayers. Was there really no better job available, or are they being punished? I mean really, is there a life form below meter maid? I’d rather have dinner with a child molester.”
“Well, you know…they’re just doing their job. It’s just like you have a job doing whatever you do…”
“Seriously? Is meter maiding a proud family tradition for these losers? Did their grandparents travel across the ocean from the old country in a ramshackle golf cart with blue lights mounted to the top of it? Because I really really doubt it.”
“No, I’m just saying, you need to look at it from their…”
“Shut up. You might as well be saying ‘Hitler had a point’ right now. I can’t believe you are asking me to defend my stance on being raped.”

The pointmisser/reinterpreter is the person who will write me an email after reading this and say “You sure are angry lately. I thought you were smarter than this - you hate people who disagree with you? That is my definition of a stupid person. I wish someone would kick you in the balls.” Instead of understanding that writing style and actual mood are separate entities, and sometimes examples are used to illustrate a broader idea. You have to explain things to some people as if they are three years old.

“We do need to figure out a way to control the borders. I mean, how much longer can a country sustain…”
“So if you hate Mexicans, then why don’t you stop eating those delicious burritos, you racist?”
“Uhh…hate what? What part of your brain is malfunctioning right now?”

Of course, that doesn’t cover every kind of stupidity out there, and everyone does some of this stuff now and then, but overall, those are a few of the characteristics of the kind of people who mess things up for the rest of us.

05 August 2008

Lions and...well, that's it...but OH MY

My friends live in Idledale...and just a couple of weeks ago, I spent the night at their house. In the morning, we were discussing mountain lions and bears. Up to that point, there was no issue...too bad that the lion (and dog) had to die because someone was stupid enough to leave their door open (assuming that this happened any time other than in broad daylight)!

IDLEDALE (AP) - A mountain lion has snatched a Labrador retriever from a bedroom in the foothills southwest of Denver, and the dog's dead body was found nearby.

State wildlife managers say the lion entered the bedroom early Monday through a door the owners left open, probably to cool the house. The door did not have a screen.

It's not clear whether the owners were in the room at the time.

State Division of Wildlife spokeswoman Jennifer Churchill says the DOW caught the cat in a trap at 7 a.m. Tuesday. The 130 pound male cat was immediately put down.

It has been taken to the Wildlife Health Lab in Fort Collins for testing.

The family is very shaken up by the incident but feel more at ease now that the cat has been caught, according to Churchill.

She added that Idledale is a prime cat habitat however with the family having the doors open with no screen there was no way to prevent this type of attack.

To her knowledge, Churchill has not heard of any incident of this kind in Colorado.

Idledale is about 14 miles southwest of Denver.


Wish I could find a picture...I have some somewhere...

Lauren Beth Wood McCombe, Boulder, CO

1963 - 2008

Lauren Beth Wood McCombe died on July 31, 2008 in Boulder, Colorado. She was 45 years old.

Lauren was born June 28, 1963 in Ft. Belvoir, VA to Charles E. Wood and Beth E. Wood. She attended CU for 3 years in the early 1990’s. Lauren owned a dog training business. She loved animals and was very interested in humanitarian issues.

Lauren was a beloved mother of four boys, John McCombe Jr., Nicholas McCombe, Nathan McCombe and Adam A. McCombe and was also a grandmother of a 15 month old baby girl.

She was the best mother any one could have ever been blessed with. She will be sorely missed but in our hearts forever.

She is survived by her four children, her granddaughter Elizabeth Jensen, her mother, of Erie, PA and father of Charlotte, NC, her sisters, Leslie Sangricco of Charlotte, NC, Barbara A. Wood of Aurora, CO, brother Timothy P. Wood of Abbottstown, PA and 3 nieces, Emily and Hannah Sangricco and Julie Lerma and a nephew, Mike Wood.

01 August 2008

Maybe I shouldn't admit this, but...

I'm the one who called the cops (see link below). And the dispatcher kept saying, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU" and I would reply each time, "I HAVE STREP AND I CAN'T YELL!"...plus, the mutherfuckers were right outside my front door...like I really wanted them to know that I was the one on the phone with the authori-tahs. AND, when I went outside to inform the police of the fact that the runaways were not, in fact, hiding in the yard where they refused to stop shining their flashlights, I was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY dismissed. As in, they didn't acknowledge my presence, even though I was the one who called the cops (which I told them), AND I was the one looked out my window and saw the guys running down the street toward 9th (which I had told the dispatcher), AND I was standing within three feet of them while I was tellin' the facts. The cops generally suck in Boulder, BTW. Just sayin'. Either that, or I am indeed a witch and am invisible after dark.


31 July 2008

Oh My Lordy Be

I just FINALLY configured my home HP PhotoSmart to my laptop. Y'all are in for a beating of scanned old-timey pictures!

NOTE: I am still sick (hence, just calm enough to sit down and figure out the old HP instead of spazzing around as usual). For my entertainment, I'm sure, my cats have brought into the house and dismembered AT LEAST twenty different bugs today. Grasshoppers, moths, butterflies (NOOOOOOO, not the BUTTERFLIES!!!! I scream), and various sundry beetles. And then they eat them. At least they're not bringing in small mammals and/or birds.

One to start:

Oh, well....shit. I guess I haven't got it QUITE down yet...

Wait, I ain't no dummy...

30 July 2008

Frackin' HOT - and counting...

we are closing in on a record of 23 days in a row above 90 degrees. Right now, in Boulder, it is 99, and I have been home from work all day. This would be all good because I like it hot, HOWEVER: I'm sitting in my living room freezing to death and sweating at the same time, because I have a fever of 102, compliments of some shitty strep/ear infection/infected tonsil thing that gripped me in the middle of the night and caused much discomfort and allowed no sleep whatsoever. My doctor took one look at my swollen neck (yeah, you can see it from the outside, lovely!), got a very concerned look on her face, and checked my interior maw ("say AHHHH" - hard to do when there's a big stick being jammed down your throat), and then announced, "well, you're a very sick woman!" I think she was happy about it. After all, how much fun would doctoring be if EVERYONE were a hypochondriac? As far as I'm concerned I have been handling it all like a trooper, except for when I stopped at my office to pick up a couple of files, had a fever spike, and almost passed out. I ran out of there crying, which is charming and ever so professional. I didn't miss much at work this afternoon because right after I left, the transformer blew and the servers all went down and the power went out, and there were firetrucks and all sorts of fun things that I can honestly say I don't mind missing.

I have loads of pictures to share, but can't find my blasted camera power cord. I might have to go buy a new one (or I could clean the house and look for it, but THAT'S SILLY).

14 July 2008

7th Annual Soul Rebel Festival 2008

Stage set-up

Vendor set-up

Ursula and me (at that angle, I look like my ass is about 6 feet wide)


Front Gate


Indra the Butterfly

More fest

I'm hot. Literally.

I don't remember which band this is!

Canon and the Lion of Judah band

Cannon and Matt
Prezident Brown

And...the very best of all:

10 July 2008


Inna my yard...click on the close-ups!

30 June 2008

Most adorable giveaway...

Check out the killer pinafore being given away: Roosters-N-Rickrack Pinafore GIVEAWAY!!!!

My niece, Grace (and later her little sissy, Adelaide), would be in heaven if it happened to arrive at their front door from Aunt Cyn!

18 June 2008

Thank God They Got the Burrito Back!

When this is news (ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY BURRITO - FELONY CONVICTION EXPECTED!!!!), it's time for me to get out the camera again. Expect fun photos soon!
Clerk Hit With Frozen Burrito; Chips Stolen
Man Refused To Buy Burrito For $2, Police Say

STOCKTON, Calif. -- San Joaquin County deputies said they are looking for a man who assaulted a clerk with a frozen burrito.

The clerk at New Country Market on North Wilson Way said the man tried to buy the burrito that cost $2.

The man only had $1 on him, and when the clerk refused to lower the price, the man got upset and threw the burrito at the clerk, reported KCRA-TV in Sacramento.

The junk food thief then stole a bag of chips, officials said.

The clerk wasn't hurt, and the burrito was recovered, they said.

20 May 2008

While the Cyndy's away...

the cats will play...

Here I am in hot sweaty Nashville in a hotel bigger than Rhode Island, and Spencer gets to have all the fun. I'll find a picture soon.


BOULDER, Colo. -- A mountain lion stirred up some excitement near Flatiron Elementary School, where it was shot and tranquilized by wildlife officers Tuesday morning.

The big cat was first spotted at 7:30 a.m. sprawled out on a hot tub near 7th and Pleasant Streets. The homeowners called the Division of Wildlife, but by the time agents arrived, the cat had walked around and started laying underneath the trees.
The 138-pound cat was shot once with a tranquilizer gun but then bolted down 8th Street. 7NEWS photojournalist Mike Flanagan stood his ground and photographed it as it ran by him to the side of a house.

At 10:30 a.m., the cat was shot with another tranquilizer dart and that finally put him out. Agents carried the cat to a cage on the back of a Colorado Division of Wildlife truck and was taken to an Open Space park in west Boulder where it was released.
"This is the first time I've seen (a mountain lion). I've never seen one before. It's exciting. They're big. It's great that they take him away. Hopefully, it will stay away. That would be a good thing," said resident Doug Pedersen.
Wildlife officers said the cat is about 2-years-old and known in the neighborhood. The same mountain lion was in the same neighborhood last week. In that incident, the mountain lion was tranquilized, tagged with a radio collar and taken several miles away.
Because of that radio collar, wildlife agents were able to track the big cat and pinpoint his exact location in the neighborhood.

15 May 2008

Flatirons Parents,

There has been a mountain lion a couple blocks from here this afternoon. We now hear it is by Grant and Euclid, has been tranquilized and will be removed shortly. We have been informed by the district and Animal Control that it is safe to dismiss the students normally. Feel free to come get your children if that makes you more comfortable.



At least this time (not yet, anyway) they didn't pose the tranqed animal for pictures with the neighbors.

29 April 2008

Close to Home

Mountain lion shot with bean bags

By Vanessa Miller
Originally published 10:53 a.m., April 29, 2008
Updated 11:17 a.m., April 29, 2008


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A "persistent" mountain lion was shot three times with bean bags Monday night in the 900 block of Ninth Street after a man reported seeing it eating a raccoon in his University Hill yard, according to Boulder police.

Colorado Division of Wildlife officials were at another call and asked Boulder police officers to fire the bean bags to try and chase away the cat, which was first reported at about 8:53 p.m.

The lion left the area after the third hit, but it was spotted back in the area about three hours later at 11:50 p.m., said Boulder police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley.

"This guy is pretty persistent," Huntley said. "There were flashlights and people all around, and he didn't stop what he was doing."

Officers removed the raccoon carcass from the area to dissuade the lion from returning to collect its prey, but residents again called police about 6 this morning to report the lion was back, Huntley said.

Division of wildlife officers have been called about the sightings.

Earlier this month, neighbors of central Boulder's Casey Park — just east of Broadway and north of Mapleton Avenue — made numerous reports to wildlife officials about a mountain lion sighted in the area.

Officers didn't find that lion, but said they found a deer it killed close to a home near the intersection of High Street and Sunset Boulevard.

16 April 2008

Oh, This is Funny!

A younger female relative, on hearing that Will split and is now working at a topless bar:

“ Sorry about your ex~ he's an ass I’m sure. Hey just cuz he got hired at the titty bar don’t mean he can get any titties. That’s usually just what’s going through our heads~when in reality, the little skanks he works with probably wouldn’t even give him the time of day- so don’t feel bad~ working with them is probably as close as he’s getting to a boob right now~ and even if he is getting some p*s*y, its probably contaminated with something, or at least you can hope. Its sucks picturing your man with some bitch but if there’s nothing you can do, at least pray she’s a dirty one and his ding-a-ling will blister up and dissolve. “

15 April 2008


Is it REALLY only Tuesday? REALLY? It's warm and sunny (and dry and windy) here, and I want to be outside getting some color on my almost-greenish pasty white legs, but it's not to happen. Work to do, garden to till...

We found a pile of garter snakes yesterday when I lifted a rock. One stuck around and lounged while we worked around him...I'm guessing he wasn't scared because he was HUGE. Yeah I know, garter snakes are little, but this guy was the biggest one I've ever seen...probably close to 2-1/2 or 3 feet!! They're usually about the size around of a magic marker, but this guy was more like the big fattiest Sharpie.

Anyhoo, we got some work done but there is much, much more to do! I just used AmEx points to get $400 in Home Depot gift cards, so new tools are a-comin', along with a new patio umbrella and maybe a couple pretty terra cotta planters for out back.

I'm determined to charge my camera battery tonight so that I can take "before" pictures this weekend!

14 April 2008


This afternoon Spencer and I went to the store to get some diet 7Up. On the way, we passed some construction. There was a truck that said, "BOB'S HAULING" in huge letters, and Spencer thought it was very funny (because 11 year old boys are kind of stupid). So I proceeded to tell him about the time my friend Rebecca and I were walking through downtown Boston and we saw a crane loader with the words "SMITH ERECTION" looming above the street, and it was to this day one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.

About half an hour later, Spencer was holding an unopened soda bottle, and he said, in that voice where I know he's not trying to be funny (this is when he is funniest), "Rock solid. Just like Bob's erection."

12 April 2008

S-s-s-Saturday Ni-HIGHHHH-t

makes one realize how much it sucks being single. I wonder how many hits I'm going to get on this blog for using the word "sucks" on a Saturday. Sadly, nothing of that crude manner going on around here...LOL

11 April 2008

Holy Mary Mother of God

Jumpin' Jehosephat and DAMMIT ALL TO HELL.

It has happened. I have found gray hairs on my head. No pictures, as I'm too traumatized. Fuck. Yeah, I said it...FUCKAWUCKA RUBBERDUCKA. There's nothing more ego-building than finding your first fucking gray hair just a few days after becoming totally and utterly SINGLE. No more young guys for me.

What's next? I swear, if pubes turn gray, you can just shoot me now.

09 April 2008


Bob Marley's mother dead at 81

Cedella Marley Booker, mother of late reggae icon Bob Marley, died Tuesday night at her South Florida home after a long illness. She was 81.
Booker was surrounded by loved ones inside her South Miami-Dade home and was ''very happy and very peaceful,'' said daughter-in-law Sharien Booker. ``Her vision was always to bring people together. She was a very loving person, and we know she's happy.''

Booker's grandson, Ky-Mani Marley, an accomplished musician himself, told The Miami Herald she had always been a ``caring and supporting person in my life. She was always there to help me -- even when I didn't ask for help, she knew I needed help. She had that instinct to know when things were wrong and had the courage to fix it.''

Marley said the family was fortunate to be by Booker's side.

''We all live very close by, really just blocks away, so we were all in the vicinity,'' he said.

And though Booker had been struggling recently with heart problems, her death still came as somewhat of a shock, her grandson said.

''We knew she was sick, and she'd keep fighting and pulling through,'' he said. ``So it was expected, but unexpected. It's a great loss.''

Several prominent Jamaican leaders were moved to comment on Booker's legacy.

''Mrs. Booker was the matriarch of a movement so powerful that the mystical qualities of the Marley musical legacy remain strong and potent,'' said Jamaican Information Minister Olivia Grange.

''She was a star in her own right,'' Jamaican Prime Minister Bruce Golding said in a statement. ``Her life was one of hardship, struggle and eventual fulfillment, and through it all, she exuded hope, strength and confidence.''

Born in Jamaica in 1926, Booker was 18 when she married Norval Marley, a 50-year-old British quartermaster. After he died in 1955, she married Edward Booker, moved to Delaware, then relocated to Miami, where she lived for the past 20 years.

Booker was best-known for her famous son, but she was also an author and musician. Her two books about Bob Marley -- 1997's Bob Marley: An Intimate Portrait by His Mother and Bob Marley, My Son in 2003 -- offered glimpses into his personal life, shedding light on his relationships with his wife Rita and bandmates Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer.

Bob Marley died in Miami from a brain tumor in 1981.

Booker released two albums, Awake Zion in 1991, and in the following year a collection of Caribbean folk songs for children called Smilin' Island of Song.

She also frequently performed with Bob Marley's sons Ky-Mani, Ziggy, Stephen, Damian and Julian. Although she didn't perform at the family's annual Caribbean Fest concert in Miami in early March, Ky-Mani Marley said she was still performing as recently as ''about a year ago'' in Jamaica.

Booker is survived by two children, Claudette Livingston and Richard Booker, and 52 grandchildren.

Services will be held between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. Monday at the Range Funeral Home, 3384 Grand Ave., Coconut Grove.

This report was supplemented by Miami Herald wire services.

01 April 2008


"I never got to know you... it seems like I lost out. "

What a very nice thing to hear. Or read, as the case may be (which it is) . And, PS, has nothing to do with post below - quite the opposite.

30 March 2008

Pity party

Yeah, I'm right in the middle of a big festive gala that I threw for myself. You should see all the presents I've gotten so far - a haggard face, wine wine and more wine, headaches, fitfulness and insomnia. How on earth do I refuse to recognize that the party is over? It's beyond me. I'm usually the one saying, "you deserve better, get off your ass and the dump this MF'in loser"! WTF? Ouch.

To prove that I'm not completely suicidal or otherwise mentally ill, here are some cheery photos of my visit to Oxford, Ohio, land of the Circle Bar and very dirty alleyways.

We saw this note on a car at Kroger's. The best thing about it was the two hot blondes who got out of the next car and said, "what are you DOing??" when I was taking the picture. They then proceeded to discuss for 10 minutes why we thought it was funny. Welcome to the Valley, girls.

The bar at Mac & Joe's.

Erika and me (why do I look so fat??)

"Darryl is my ghetto pirate" - photo of Daryl to follow sometime soon! (he is indeed the main ghetto pirate)

Random people in the bar at the Minneapolis airport Chili's. Hold for another post with a very bizarre story that happened in that same bar. It deserves its own post.