He initiated the talk last night. Basically, he just wants out. I was hoping that he was going to say we should go to counseling or something, since we have had a pretty good week together. We even took Spencer to dinner last night right before THE TALK and had a fun time. Anyhoo, he had the balls to say "we can still see each other", and I told him no way and that I will stay away from the Pub and I don’t want to hear from him at all.
[WTF?? You can't live with someone for 18 months and then start dating, can you?? It sounds to me as though he's just ready to start shopping around for someone "better". It was almost more devastating to me to hear that he still wants to hang out than it was when he said that he's moving out (moving out = "I am not willing to put any effort into this relationship, same as ever")].
And I certainly can't go hang out where he works and watch him with another woman. Eww. I thought I would be okay with that when the inevitable parting-of-ways occurred, but I am NOT. Good to know that my heart hasn't yet turned completely into stone. It's on the way, though, sadly. There's no other way to get past it than to pretend that it doesn't hurt as much as it does. And I am almost 41 fucking years old and I just wasted 18 months of what's left of my reproducing years. I used to think tha Will and I would have a really cute baby together. PTHPTPPTHTTHTHHHHHH (that's the sound of me blowing a raspberry)
Anyhoo, he went on to say that he has asked me to marry him several times in the past and that I just laughed at him, and it was devastating to him. I was very confused....I don’t recall ever being proposed to! Anyway, we talked for about an hour and, much to my shock and dismay, I realized that I’m very attached to him and I would have preferred to work it out. I cried a lot and didn't sleep, so this morning I look like a boiled cabbage.
Oh, and when I told him that I feel as though he always puts partying and his bar friends before me, he went on about how that’s not true, and....drumroll...guess who he’s moving in with?? You guessed it! A bartender from the Pub! Who knew?? Of course this guy is 45 and works in a bar, and is famous for how hammered he gets. Sigh.
Here is the email that I wrote to him this morning. If he should respond via email, it's getting plastered here for all to see.
Will,
Please know that if I had ever thought AT ALL that you were serious when you mentioned marriage, I would have said yes. Even two weeks ago. Even last night.
That being said, I guess that we should make some sort of arrangement for the next few weeks while we reside in the same home, because this is really really hard for me. I would prefer that we keep this whole thing as sterile as possible, if that's okay by you. I'll make arrangements to be out of the house whenever you want privacy, and I'll work around your schedule. Just let me know when.
We need to talk about shifting the bills into my name, and changing the lease. I'm writing to Eric next to ask him how he wants to handle it. My guess is that he'll say that he'll just scratch your name off of the paperwork, since it's easier that way and the responsibility falls on me regardless.
I'm sorry that we couldn't work this out. I hope that you find someone perfect for you and that you get a grasp on the fact that you are a smart, funny and handsome guy who deserves the best. I've always known that once you get your shit together, you're going to be amazing.
Let's talk later today about the aforementioned stuff.
Love,
Cyn
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