I think too much

I'm re-thinking my stance of "NO CONTACT" post-moveout. Am I a dumbass or what? It's just that I can't imagine completely losing someone who has been my best friend for the past 18 months. It's not like he's moving to another country. We will run into each other some time, somewhere. And I want to be able to be happy for him when he finds someone who suits him better than I do. But not quite yet. I have never been the jealous sort, but I really need the burn to wear off this time before I can be a gracious ex. It sucks a royal donkey ball that it took me until now to realize that I should have paid more attention to what was going on right in front of me (and inside of me, too). Sorry, Will, I messed up.

Here is an email that Erika sent me, edited version. It contains some info that is "too true":

Whatthefuck is going on in the universe? How can there be all this information, love, good news, potential, etc, just sitting there in front of us and we can't see it? How can you wait your whole life for a marriage proposal from a really nice guy and then be told that you missed it somehow!? I feel like screaming for you and all of us who are so distracted by day to day boredom that we can't see what's being offered to us.
If it's true that you would have and still would say "yes" tho, then you could have been even more blatant about it. An "I love you" never hurts either, if its true (you said last week that you werent in love with him because you were too depressed to feel that way about anyone...)
I just feel horrible for you. Its fucking Christmas. Are you ok? Did you expect "the talk" to turn out some other way? Maybe you can get counselling for yourself to figure this stuff out. If he's the guy for you, then 6 months from now when you have some perspective, he still will be.
Anyway, I want everyone to be in a happy relationship. Its really hard work, but kinda the only thing that matters at the end of the day. How much love and time is there after all?