3. Cats

Peep is old, and Pudge is a FREAK. Peep will not be here next Christmas, perhaps not even until my birthday, so Spencer took some pictures of him for posterity. Pudge is obsessed with tissue paper and has dragged it all over the house to create little nests. When he caught me photographing him in a nest last night, he got all pissed off and stomped away from his new bed.
I believe it was he who took a crap on the kitchen floor today.

PEEP

PEEP

PUDGE ASLEEP

PUDGE AWAKE AND MAD

PUDGE GONE

2. Christmas

I only have a few photos, since we let the kids take the all with their new digital cameras. Spencer took lots of pictures of the TV, which I will NOT be posting! These are all of Xmas Eve...yes, it SNOWED again!

1. Snowstorm

HOLIDAY BLIZZARD 2006!!!
GAWD, how I despise the drama of the media! It snowed, okay? It snowed a LOT, but it just snowed. It wasn't a blizzard in Boulder because it wasn't windy, but we got a good three feet. Check out the golf club that Will is holding on the patio table! The darker photo (click to enlarge) is of Ron's cars, which are parked across the alley. Sometimes snow sucks. The forecast is already calling for another storm on Thursday...I don't remember having so much seasonal snow EVER in Boulder, and it's only December!

Socked In...

yeah, we're snowed in!! Biggest storm of the century, or some nonsense. Spencer, Will and I trudged to the neighborhood English pub and spent a lot of money eating and enjoying hot beverages. On the way home, I had a great time shoving Spencer into snow drifts (4 feet high!). I have photos and will post them as soon as I get my usb cord from the office.

CHRISTINE: I am SO SORRY that you're stuck in DIA hell!! We love you! Hopefully you will run into any number of my co-workers, who are probably stuck there as well. Merry Christmas!

Worth Reading

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person
that wasn't supposed
to ever let you down probably will. You will have
your heart broken
probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break
hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was
broken. You'll
fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new
love for things an
old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too
fast, and you'll
eventually lose someone you love. So take too many
pictures, laugh
too much, and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty
seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness
you'll never get
back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid
that it will never begin.

~anonymous~

I think too much

I'm re-thinking my stance of "NO CONTACT" post-moveout. Am I a dumbass or what? It's just that I can't imagine completely losing someone who has been my best friend for the past 18 months. It's not like he's moving to another country. We will run into each other some time, somewhere. And I want to be able to be happy for him when he finds someone who suits him better than I do. But not quite yet. I have never been the jealous sort, but I really need the burn to wear off this time before I can be a gracious ex. It sucks a royal donkey ball that it took me until now to realize that I should have paid more attention to what was going on right in front of me (and inside of me, too). Sorry, Will, I messed up.

Here is an email that Erika sent me, edited version. It contains some info that is "too true":

Whatthefuck is going on in the universe? How can there be all this information, love, good news, potential, etc, just sitting there in front of us and we can't see it? How can you wait your whole life for a marriage proposal from a really nice guy and then be told that you missed it somehow!? I feel like screaming for you and all of us who are so distracted by day to day boredom that we can't see what's being offered to us.
If it's true that you would have and still would say "yes" tho, then you could have been even more blatant about it. An "I love you" never hurts either, if its true (you said last week that you werent in love with him because you were too depressed to feel that way about anyone...)
I just feel horrible for you. Its fucking Christmas. Are you ok? Did you expect "the talk" to turn out some other way? Maybe you can get counselling for yourself to figure this stuff out. If he's the guy for you, then 6 months from now when you have some perspective, he still will be.
Anyway, I want everyone to be in a happy relationship. Its really hard work, but kinda the only thing that matters at the end of the day. How much love and time is there after all?

THE BREAK-UP

He initiated the talk last night. Basically, he just wants out. I was hoping that he was going to say we should go to counseling or something, since we have had a pretty good week together. We even took Spencer to dinner last night right before THE TALK and had a fun time. Anyhoo, he had the balls to say "we can still see each other", and I told him no way and that I will stay away from the Pub and I don’t want to hear from him at all.

[WTF?? You can't live with someone for 18 months and then start dating, can you?? It sounds to me as though he's just ready to start shopping around for someone "better". It was almost more devastating to me to hear that he still wants to hang out than it was when he said that he's moving out (moving out = "I am not willing to put any effort into this relationship, same as ever")].

And I certainly can't go hang out where he works and watch him with another woman. Eww. I thought I would be okay with that when the inevitable parting-of-ways occurred, but I am NOT. Good to know that my heart hasn't yet turned completely into stone. It's on the way, though, sadly. There's no other way to get past it than to pretend that it doesn't hurt as much as it does. And I am almost 41 fucking years old and I just wasted 18 months of what's left of my reproducing years. I used to think tha Will and I would have a really cute baby together. PTHPTPPTHTTHTHHHHHH (that's the sound of me blowing a raspberry)

Anyhoo, he went on to say that he has asked me to marry him several times in the past and that I just laughed at him, and it was devastating to him. I was very confused....I don’t recall ever being proposed to! Anyway, we talked for about an hour and, much to my shock and dismay, I realized that I’m very attached to him and I would have preferred to work it out. I cried a lot and didn't sleep, so this morning I look like a boiled cabbage.

Oh, and when I told him that I feel as though he always puts partying and his bar friends before me, he went on about how that’s not true, and....drumroll...guess who he’s moving in with?? You guessed it! A bartender from the Pub! Who knew?? Of course this guy is 45 and works in a bar, and is famous for how hammered he gets. Sigh.

Here is the email that I wrote to him this morning. If he should respond via email, it's getting plastered here for all to see.


Will,

Please know that if I had ever thought AT ALL that you were serious when you mentioned marriage, I would have said yes. Even two weeks ago. Even last night.

That being said, I guess that we should make some sort of arrangement for the next few weeks while we reside in the same home, because this is really really hard for me. I would prefer that we keep this whole thing as sterile as possible, if that's okay by you. I'll make arrangements to be out of the house whenever you want privacy, and I'll work around your schedule. Just let me know when.

We need to talk about shifting the bills into my name, and changing the lease. I'm writing to Eric next to ask him how he wants to handle it. My guess is that he'll say that he'll just scratch your name off of the paperwork, since it's easier that way and the responsibility falls on me regardless.

I'm sorry that we couldn't work this out. I hope that you find someone perfect for you and that you get a grasp on the fact that you are a smart, funny and handsome guy who deserves the best. I've always known that once you get your shit together, you're going to be amazing.

Let's talk later today about the aforementioned stuff.

Love,
Cyn

The season has officially begun...

I am cash-poor, and Spencer has had two choir concerts in a row (prompting a stern scolding from his teacher in which she informed me that I am a bad parent because Spencer has missed homework) -- welcome to the Christmas season!! :-)

P.S. There is nothing cuter than the folks at the Senior Center watching the kids sing on Tueday. I loved it!

Dream

I think I must have some sort of PTSD from 911. I woke up with a start this morning, after dreaming briefly that there had been a major plane crash and all the highways were closed. It was SO REAL, even though it was just a between-the-snoozes dream! Everyone who was being shown on TV in the dream was wearing weird colors. The woman who was the "face" of the crash, you know, the stupid thing that the media do when they get a good picture of someone panicking -- they plaster it all over everything -- anyway, it was a black woman with long hair wearing a peach suit. I would recognize her on the street if I ran into her.
Perhaps I need therapy.
At least it wasn't real. (Though I would have liked to sleep in this morning.)

Note to Self

kid's book: Pickle Toes

A Day in the Life...sigh...

How's tricks? Me, sucky...computer issues at work, forcing me to become IT guy #2 and do programming, which I hate, and other shitty stuff at work. Icing on the cake...yesterday, at 5 pm, I realized that I had locked my only set of keys in the car...no biggie, right, I just called my insurance company, who informed me that the roadside assistance on my car had been dropped for some reason. SO, I had to call a cab to pick up Spencer at afterschool care and bring him to my office. Luckily, the driver was really nice and called me a lot from the road (it's about 1/2 mile but it was rush hour), and Spencer was dropped off just fine. The cabbie offered to drive us home, but I needed to blow off steam so we walked. Spencer was very pleasant about it all and just as cheerful as could be on the way home. This morning I had a friend stop by and pick him up on the way to school, and I walked to work (I fell down TWICE because of the blinding ice on the sidewalks -- my hiking boots were in the car, natch). This afternoon I called insurance again and they sent someone to get the door open. This person's name is Bob and he is a certifiable idiot as far as I can tell, though he's quite adept at breaking into cars. He called me for directions and I started to tell him and then he interrupted me, and said like a maniac, "I delivered pizza in Boulder for years. I know ALL the streets" and I got pissed and said, "FINE. WHATEVER." (I had been standing inthe freezing cold waiting for him for an hour at this point) "It's on Broadway between Pine and Mapleton on the east side in the church parking lot." His response? "Okay, I know where Mapleton is, but where is Pine" I wanted to tell him it's up his ass, but instead the cat in me came out and I replied, "It's TWO BLOCKS UP FROM PEARL, YOU KNOW?? THE MOST POPULAR STREET IN TOWN????" and he mumbled something about getting there when he could and hung up. 1/2 hour later, he pulls up, takes forfreakinever with the paperwork, and asks me to help him break into the car. I now know that all you need to break into a car without damaging it this little airbag thing, a piece of plastic, and a long piece of thick wire. Who knew?? Anyway, I found the keys in a box in the backseat, at the bottom of the box, under a bunch of stuff. I don't recall being anywhere near that box on Tuesday morning, and certainly not dropping my keys in it, but the bottom line is that I am going to have extra keys made and stash them everywhere so that I never need to see Bob again. I'm pasting this paragraph into my blog for posterity, to remind me just how much I don't like Bob.

Tuesday

When is it going to be Friday? For some reason, all of the wine I have been drinking lately is not making time go any faster....well, except for time IN GENERAL, which is flying by...it is almost the end of 2006, and I can still remember when I used to say, "I'll be 40 in 2006! Can you imagine? That's AGES from now!!" and it still feels like it might be ages away, but actually it's almost over. Lately I've been having death panic attacks, money panic attacks, driving panic attacks, fatness panic attacks, Will panic attacks...the list goes on. I didn't realize what sort of shape I'm in until i received one of those Christmas survey chain emails, asking about my favorite Christmas things and traditions, and I realized that I don't have any. I don't even get presents from anyone any more. I guess I'm officially a grown-up, which sucks eggs right now. I can't even enjoy life. This isn't fair! It's true that youth is wasted on the young, that's for sure. This is how I feel today:


Or maybe this next photo is more accurate:



You have to click on the pictures to get the full effect. The first one is the saddest little monkey I have ever seen, and the second is a barfing snowman (or snow woman, I can't tell)

Photos

I'm posting these photos because a) I told Erika that I will, and b) I need yet another reminder that I may possibly be the least photogenic person in the world. Click on the middle picture to check out Spencer's eyes. Wow.