Him (drunk and yelling inappropriately at midnight): "Hey, hey, hey...let's have a contest to see who can lose 10 pounds the fastest. It would be COOL! Yeah, I'll win because I NEED to lose 10 pounds RIGHT NOW because I am a fat slob and no one loves me. HEY!!!!" (interspersed at a couple of points with, "GOD, I LOVE this FUCKIN MOVIE! Batman Begins RULES!")
Me: "No thanks." (Quietly, since Spencer is asleep (found out this morning that he actually heard every word))
Him: "What -- you want to stay the way you look NOW?" (scoffing and then laughing rudely)
Me: (silence.)
Wow, being loud and drunk on a Sunday night when your girlfriend's son is asleep right upstairs, now THAT'S cool. Never ever having to clean the house or wash the sheets or buy toilet paper or toothpaste, or scrub the toilet or sweep up dust bunnies or call the plumber or weed the garden or pay for the insurance or make sure that there's milk in the fridge -- well, that's the coolest thing of all, because apparently the Idiot Fairy takes care of all that for you even though you constantly behave like an asshole and somehow manage to top yourself nearly every single time.
I am a jackass.
Fuck that shit, I'm DONE. If you can please direct me to the store where they sell grown-up men who behave like adults (not that there's anything wrong with getting drunk and dirty on the night when the kid's at his dad's), I WILL PAY LOTS OF MONEY.
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