Math frustration

Monday

Back at work
Bleh
Back to the doctor with Spencer in an hour
Bleh
Enrolled in eDiets.com today
I have already eaten 3/4 of my allowed calories and I am facing starvation
Nothing like yougrt for dinner
And NO WINE. Sucks to yer assmar.
Welcome to Monday

Silly Saturday

SO, I have been stranded at home since Friday Feb. 16, chained down by a very sick kid. Spencer had some version of the flu, plus a massive ear infection that ruptured on Tuesday night but was still leaking nastiness this morning after almost 4 days of antibiotics. Ewwwwww. Poor, poor sad kiddo. I forget sometimes that he's still a little kid! Lucky for you, I didn't take pictures. I was too exhausted. I spent every day trying to take a nap but was hindered by any number of things...it doesn't help at all that there is a house being built across the street and they like to start in with the nail gun any time after 7:00 am. At night, I waited for Spencer to fall asleep and then drank wine like a fish in the hope of self-medicating myself into at least 6 hours of unconciousness, which never happened because God likes to remind those of us who are considering parenthood again that IT SUCKS sometimes. Great birth control!! Anyway, of course, Spencer slept like a log as long as the meds were kicked in! We knew exactly when they wore off because he would sit up like he'd been poked with a cattle prod, and start screaming. He's feeling better now, so his dad came to get him this morning. We were a bit concerned how the weather would be, given that I was receiving "BLIZZARD WARNING" and "STORM WARNING" email notices all yesterday, but not only has it NOT snowed in Boulder today, it has actually been very sunny and quite warm. I guess that, though, just east of Denver, there was a 35-car pileup on I-70 this morning. What a difference a few miles makes in Colorado's weather scheme! Then again, maybe everyone on the road was from Texas or California.

My Valentine Card to You

www.MySurvey.com

feel free to join, it will get me 150 points!

I just took a MySurvey survey (duh), and it asked me where I get my trash bags. There was the standard list of store names, and then there was the option "Other: please explain." I wrote: "I steal them from work."

Now here is my question: are the MySurvey people going to contact the president of my company and snitch on me?

I have a good defense in that *I* am the one who hauls my ass to Costco every other week to buy office stuff -- ON THE WEEKEND, mind you -- and then I have to heave it all upstairs (we have an elevator, but STILL), and unload it, and recycle the boxes. I feel that I am entitled to a few measly trash bags for all this effort. But still I have this weird little nagging itchy thing in the back of my head telling me that I should never have admitted that out loud (as it were). It would be a pretty big dumbass who could get fired for stealing trash bags...so leave it up to me!

Female Trouble

Last night, for any number of reasons (WILL), I couldn't get to sleep. So, I decided to watch the John Waters movie "Female Trouble," starring a bunch of very very bad actors and Divine. There was a lot of penis action going on, including Divine raping himself, though it wasn't really 'rape', per se, because both Divines were enjoying themselves and the girl Divine was a total whore to begin with (not that I'm saying that she ASKED FOR IT or anything, but this IS a John Waters movie -- so all feminists can relax your sphincters now). I think I can make it through my dying day without ever again seeing a naked hippie's flaccid, uncircumsized penis, but regardless, I highly recommend the movie if only to appreciate the severity of the terrible acting. It's quite fabulous where that's concerned.


Here is a good review!

Laugh til you cry

Spencer and I were lying in bed last night watching the news (AI had just ended), and the weather guy said, "in the morning, fog will be dense in spots"

I said to Spencer, "YOU're dense in spots! This spot in particular" and I rapped him on the head. He started giggling like he was going to say something silly, and he replied, "you're dense in spots, too, right around the crot-ch!" and we both started laughing hysterically because I knew right then that he didn't know what "dense" meant, and he thought he had just made a dirty joke....

So I said, "'Dense' means THICK," and that made the crotch reference even funnier to both of us...after about 5 minutes of shrieking laughter, he said, "I thought it meant WET!" (which, of course I had deduced by that point, but it was too much)

Nothing like a laugh that makes you cry.

Wounded Knee

Have you ever broken your kneecap? Well, I have...tonight...on the edge of the bathroom vanity, no less. There were no mafia guys or drug kingpins involved. I was playing with Spencer and biffed in just the right way on the corner of the sink. And I'm here to tell you that it hurts more than anything in the whole world (keep in mind, I have been in labor and birthed a child). It looks like nothing but drove me to my knees crying for about 10 minutes (...actually I was not on my knees -- ouch -- I was laying on the floor screaming), and can ruin the effects of a gorgeous new hairdo. Proof positive! I look like Farrah Fawcett crossed with WC Fields after a heroin binge that left him/her/it with the visage of a boiled cabbage.



P.S. I think that the show House would be a lot better without the House guy. His surly asshole non-doctory attitude got boring after about 15 minutes of the first show. But alas, the remote is across the room and I can't change the channel, so there you go. MUST WATCH HOUSE (where the hell are my drugs???????????????)