Jumpin' Jehosephat and DAMMIT ALL TO HELL.
It has happened. I have found gray hairs on my head. No pictures, as I'm too traumatized. Fuck. Yeah, I said it...FUCKAWUCKA RUBBERDUCKA. There's nothing more ego-building than finding your first fucking gray hair just a few days after becoming totally and utterly SINGLE. No more young guys for me.
What's next? I swear, if pubes turn gray, you can just shoot me now.
11 April 2008
09 April 2008
Sadness
Bob Marley's mother dead at 81
BY MICHAEL HAMERSLY
Cedella Marley Booker, mother of late reggae icon Bob Marley, died Tuesday night at her South Florida home after a long illness. She was 81.
Booker was surrounded by loved ones inside her South Miami-Dade home and was ''very happy and very peaceful,'' said daughter-in-law Sharien Booker. ``Her vision was always to bring people together. She was a very loving person, and we know she's happy.''
Booker's grandson, Ky-Mani Marley, an accomplished musician himself, told The Miami Herald she had always been a ``caring and supporting person in my life. She was always there to help me -- even when I didn't ask for help, she knew I needed help. She had that instinct to know when things were wrong and had the courage to fix it.''
Marley said the family was fortunate to be by Booker's side.
''We all live very close by, really just blocks away, so we were all in the vicinity,'' he said.
And though Booker had been struggling recently with heart problems, her death still came as somewhat of a shock, her grandson said.
''We knew she was sick, and she'd keep fighting and pulling through,'' he said. ``So it was expected, but unexpected. It's a great loss.''
Several prominent Jamaican leaders were moved to comment on Booker's legacy.
''Mrs. Booker was the matriarch of a movement so powerful that the mystical qualities of the Marley musical legacy remain strong and potent,'' said Jamaican Information Minister Olivia Grange.
''She was a star in her own right,'' Jamaican Prime Minister Bruce Golding said in a statement. ``Her life was one of hardship, struggle and eventual fulfillment, and through it all, she exuded hope, strength and confidence.''
Born in Jamaica in 1926, Booker was 18 when she married Norval Marley, a 50-year-old British quartermaster. After he died in 1955, she married Edward Booker, moved to Delaware, then relocated to Miami, where she lived for the past 20 years.
Booker was best-known for her famous son, but she was also an author and musician. Her two books about Bob Marley -- 1997's Bob Marley: An Intimate Portrait by His Mother and Bob Marley, My Son in 2003 -- offered glimpses into his personal life, shedding light on his relationships with his wife Rita and bandmates Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer.
Bob Marley died in Miami from a brain tumor in 1981.
Booker released two albums, Awake Zion in 1991, and in the following year a collection of Caribbean folk songs for children called Smilin' Island of Song.
She also frequently performed with Bob Marley's sons Ky-Mani, Ziggy, Stephen, Damian and Julian. Although she didn't perform at the family's annual Caribbean Fest concert in Miami in early March, Ky-Mani Marley said she was still performing as recently as ''about a year ago'' in Jamaica.
Booker is survived by two children, Claudette Livingston and Richard Booker, and 52 grandchildren.
Services will be held between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. Monday at the Range Funeral Home, 3384 Grand Ave., Coconut Grove.
This report was supplemented by Miami Herald wire services.
BY MICHAEL HAMERSLY
Cedella Marley Booker, mother of late reggae icon Bob Marley, died Tuesday night at her South Florida home after a long illness. She was 81.
Booker was surrounded by loved ones inside her South Miami-Dade home and was ''very happy and very peaceful,'' said daughter-in-law Sharien Booker. ``Her vision was always to bring people together. She was a very loving person, and we know she's happy.''
Booker's grandson, Ky-Mani Marley, an accomplished musician himself, told The Miami Herald she had always been a ``caring and supporting person in my life. She was always there to help me -- even when I didn't ask for help, she knew I needed help. She had that instinct to know when things were wrong and had the courage to fix it.''
Marley said the family was fortunate to be by Booker's side.
''We all live very close by, really just blocks away, so we were all in the vicinity,'' he said.
And though Booker had been struggling recently with heart problems, her death still came as somewhat of a shock, her grandson said.
''We knew she was sick, and she'd keep fighting and pulling through,'' he said. ``So it was expected, but unexpected. It's a great loss.''
Several prominent Jamaican leaders were moved to comment on Booker's legacy.
''Mrs. Booker was the matriarch of a movement so powerful that the mystical qualities of the Marley musical legacy remain strong and potent,'' said Jamaican Information Minister Olivia Grange.
''She was a star in her own right,'' Jamaican Prime Minister Bruce Golding said in a statement. ``Her life was one of hardship, struggle and eventual fulfillment, and through it all, she exuded hope, strength and confidence.''
Born in Jamaica in 1926, Booker was 18 when she married Norval Marley, a 50-year-old British quartermaster. After he died in 1955, she married Edward Booker, moved to Delaware, then relocated to Miami, where she lived for the past 20 years.
Booker was best-known for her famous son, but she was also an author and musician. Her two books about Bob Marley -- 1997's Bob Marley: An Intimate Portrait by His Mother and Bob Marley, My Son in 2003 -- offered glimpses into his personal life, shedding light on his relationships with his wife Rita and bandmates Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer.
Bob Marley died in Miami from a brain tumor in 1981.
Booker released two albums, Awake Zion in 1991, and in the following year a collection of Caribbean folk songs for children called Smilin' Island of Song.
She also frequently performed with Bob Marley's sons Ky-Mani, Ziggy, Stephen, Damian and Julian. Although she didn't perform at the family's annual Caribbean Fest concert in Miami in early March, Ky-Mani Marley said she was still performing as recently as ''about a year ago'' in Jamaica.
Booker is survived by two children, Claudette Livingston and Richard Booker, and 52 grandchildren.
Services will be held between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. Monday at the Range Funeral Home, 3384 Grand Ave., Coconut Grove.
This report was supplemented by Miami Herald wire services.
01 April 2008
Niceness
"I never got to know you... it seems like I lost out. "
What a very nice thing to hear. Or read, as the case may be (which it is) . And, PS, has nothing to do with post below - quite the opposite.
What a very nice thing to hear. Or read, as the case may be (which it is) . And, PS, has nothing to do with post below - quite the opposite.
30 March 2008
Pity party
Yeah, I'm right in the middle of a big festive gala that I threw for myself. You should see all the presents I've gotten so far - a haggard face, wine wine and more wine, headaches, fitfulness and insomnia. How on earth do I refuse to recognize that the party is over? It's beyond me. I'm usually the one saying, "you deserve better, get off your ass and the dump this MF'in loser"! WTF? Ouch.
To prove that I'm not completely suicidal or otherwise mentally ill, here are some cheery photos of my visit to Oxford, Ohio, land of the Circle Bar and very dirty alleyways.
We saw this note on a car at Kroger's. The best thing about it was the two hot blondes who got out of the next car and said, "what are you DOing??" when I was taking the picture. They then proceeded to discuss for 10 minutes why we thought it was funny. Welcome to the Valley, girls.
The bar at Mac & Joe's.
Erika and me (why do I look so fat??)
"Darryl is my ghetto pirate" - photo of Daryl to follow sometime soon! (he is indeed the main ghetto pirate)
Random people in the bar at the Minneapolis airport Chili's. Hold for another post with a very bizarre story that happened in that same bar. It deserves its own post.
To prove that I'm not completely suicidal or otherwise mentally ill, here are some cheery photos of my visit to Oxford, Ohio, land of the Circle Bar and very dirty alleyways.
We saw this note on a car at Kroger's. The best thing about it was the two hot blondes who got out of the next car and said, "what are you DOing??" when I was taking the picture. They then proceeded to discuss for 10 minutes why we thought it was funny. Welcome to the Valley, girls.
The bar at Mac & Joe's.
Erika and me (why do I look so fat??)
"Darryl is my ghetto pirate" - photo of Daryl to follow sometime soon! (he is indeed the main ghetto pirate)
Random people in the bar at the Minneapolis airport Chili's. Hold for another post with a very bizarre story that happened in that same bar. It deserves its own post.
28 March 2008
Yeah, so...
I still have this MFSoabAHole of a boyfriend..and tonight he informed me that - wow! - he has a "second job"at a titty bar. OMG, this is a man who is BRILLIANT. WTF?? Why all the acronyms? Anyhoo, I threw the phone across the room and I am so proud of myself. (LOL)
And now I'm going to see a reggae band and I'm going to try to dance with someone fun who is not a complete asshole. AND, YES, I am completely DONE with Mister GROWTHEFUCKUPALREADY. Yay me.
P.S. Big shout out to my O-town pals!!!
And now I'm going to see a reggae band and I'm going to try to dance with someone fun who is not a complete asshole. AND, YES, I am completely DONE with Mister GROWTHEFUCKUPALREADY. Yay me.
P.S. Big shout out to my O-town pals!!!
18 March 2008
Typical Conversation
Spencer: "My stomach feels weird."
Me: "Do you have to poop?"
Spencer: "No. My bowels are still."
Me: "Do you have to poop?"
Spencer: "No. My bowels are still."
17 March 2008
Madmen and Snowstorms and Memes - LONG POST
1. Last night we were "supposed" to get a major snowstorm. One that would paralyze the universe and force us to beckon the Martians to come dig us out. Okay, not that big, but still significant. It was a fizzler on the Boulder end...we got about 5 inches but nothing stuck to the streets, which is usually just how I like it but I was a little pissed this time because I'm raring to try out my new snow tires. It will be a true miracle of God if I can just ONCE pull out of our alley onto the 9th Street hill (don't go look at a map, you'll never find me!) without causing a major traffic jam. What always happens is that I can get no traction and then 8000 cars come speeding up behind me at 90 mph hoping to grab the momentum that will let them get uphill in their $70K SUVs. What they don't understand is that the $70K they spent entitles them to get up snowy hills without going 40 miles over the speed limit in the process. If this isn't happening, they need to re-think their investments. Anyhoo, what transpires is that everyone gets mad at me and I have to either back up into the alley or turn left and go downhill. Either way they all hate me because I don't have a $70K SUV, and they can all suck it.
2. This morning, right down the street at Boulder Community Hospital, a man showed up in a wheelchair (he is not disabled) and said that he had a bomb strapped to his oxygen tank. There was a standoff, etc etc, and he ended up taking a metal plug to the chest, compliments of Boulder's overworked and underpaid SWAT team (yeah, that was sarcastic). So they had to block off the streets and traffic is all wonky and the 'hood was in a uproar with all the media. I wasn't there (I was actually at the other hospital getting Spencer's cough checked out - he's fine), but it seems to me that it could have been handled differently. As in, the guy DIDN'T HAVE A GUN, and the "bomb" is questionable. Go to THE DENVER CHANNELfor updates.
Here is a really long meme (I still don't know what that means):
1. Where is the person who owns your heart now?
I have no idea. The one who owns my heart in a different way is down the street playing Wii.
2. What did you do last night?
WTF do I do EVERY night?? I built a fire, drank some wine, watched stupid TV and went to sleep far too late.
3. What does your myspace name mean?
It’s just my ol’ boring first name.
4. Last person you text messaged?
Doug.
5. Who was the last person to call you?
Erika.
6. What are you doing right now?
Listening to my washer squeak and dreading the fact that I have to go to the laundromat to dry everything because my dryer broke last Friday.
7. What is your current problem?
Work, relationship, messy house, cold weather, bored (I could go on and on, but then you'd accuse me of being a whiner..LOL).
8. What color are your eyes?
Depends on what I'm wearing. Grayish, greenish, bluish.
9. What is your myspace song?
I don't have one, but I should shuffle through some friends' music.
11. Last place you ordered food from?
The deli at SuperTarget
12. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Will
13. What color is your hair?
Dark blonde.
14. Last song you sang?
"It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" because now it's stuck in my head, thank you very much.
15. Would you ever get back with your ex?
Loaded question...the one I currently still see? Yes. The one before that? Yes. The one before that? NO. {shudder}
16. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Everyone. I have a blog and I'm a blabbermouth.
17. Last time you did something you shouldn’t have done?
Last night.
18. Who do you miss?
Erika, Tara, my family, Rob, grandmas
19. Next movie you will see in theaters?
Not sure, but we saw Horton Hears a Who yesterday. It was okay.
20. What is your favorite drink?
Ice-cold water
21. What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans during the day, sweats at night (yoga pants, really).
25. Where are most of your clothes from?
Everywhere . . .
28. Is anyone jealous of you?
I doubt it.
30. Have any regrets?
Plenty. No elaboration, sorry, it's too depressing.
31. Who would you go to for sports trivia answers?
www.si.com
32. Where were you 8 hours ago?
In the shower (I didn't go to work today).
35. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes
37. What did you do last weekend?
Friday went to happy hour, Saturday a birthday party (Johnny turned 50), Sunday brunch at the St. Julien with Will, then drove to Denver and back, and finally saw Horton Hears a Who with Spencer.
38.What Football team do you favor?
I'm a Broncos fan because the two Ohio teams suck. College, I'll watch anything but Ohio State is #1.
47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Staring at the TV wondering why the hell I was still awake.
48. What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Called school and work to tell them that I have a sick kid and we wouldn't be going anywhere but the doctor's office.
49. Who will you be with this Sunday night?
Erika and the Oxford crowd!! Probably a tad hungover after going to see BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE on Saturday night in Cincinnati.
50. Who was the last person you hugged?
Spencer.
51. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yes
52. Is tomorrow going to be good?
I hope so.
53. Do you know anyone named Dan?
Yes, quite a few people, all of whom have nothing in common besides the name DAN.
54. How many myspace friends do you have?
97
55. Do or did you like school?
Not after 8th grade. I look back and wish that I had kept going to a private school, where I might have had more guidance.
56. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
A select few.
57. Where would you like to live?
Anywhere warm and sunny. In luxury.
58. Are you a good gf/bf?
No. I'm wishy-washy, and I can't bring myself to gush lovingly about my partner in public. Also, I'm not jealous or demanding where my man is concerned (I don't let it show outwardly, I mean), and I think this often comes off as disinterested. I am way too willing to do all the work, too, which then turns into resentment on my part. Oy, I SUCK as a gf!
60. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Same shit, different day, is the pessimistic version. On a good day, I hope that in 5 years I will be the proud parent of a successful teenager with a new driver's license, a better job, and a loving partner by my side. And OLD. No matter how it turns out, I will be OLD.
2. This morning, right down the street at Boulder Community Hospital, a man showed up in a wheelchair (he is not disabled) and said that he had a bomb strapped to his oxygen tank. There was a standoff, etc etc, and he ended up taking a metal plug to the chest, compliments of Boulder's overworked and underpaid SWAT team (yeah, that was sarcastic). So they had to block off the streets and traffic is all wonky and the 'hood was in a uproar with all the media. I wasn't there (I was actually at the other hospital getting Spencer's cough checked out - he's fine), but it seems to me that it could have been handled differently. As in, the guy DIDN'T HAVE A GUN, and the "bomb" is questionable. Go to THE DENVER CHANNELfor updates.
Here is a really long meme (I still don't know what that means):
1. Where is the person who owns your heart now?
I have no idea. The one who owns my heart in a different way is down the street playing Wii.
2. What did you do last night?
WTF do I do EVERY night?? I built a fire, drank some wine, watched stupid TV and went to sleep far too late.
3. What does your myspace name mean?
It’s just my ol’ boring first name.
4. Last person you text messaged?
Doug.
5. Who was the last person to call you?
Erika.
6. What are you doing right now?
Listening to my washer squeak and dreading the fact that I have to go to the laundromat to dry everything because my dryer broke last Friday.
7. What is your current problem?
Work, relationship, messy house, cold weather, bored (I could go on and on, but then you'd accuse me of being a whiner..LOL).
8. What color are your eyes?
Depends on what I'm wearing. Grayish, greenish, bluish.
9. What is your myspace song?
I don't have one, but I should shuffle through some friends' music.
11. Last place you ordered food from?
The deli at SuperTarget
12. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Will
13. What color is your hair?
Dark blonde.
14. Last song you sang?
"It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" because now it's stuck in my head, thank you very much.
15. Would you ever get back with your ex?
Loaded question...the one I currently still see? Yes. The one before that? Yes. The one before that? NO. {shudder}
16. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Everyone. I have a blog and I'm a blabbermouth.
17. Last time you did something you shouldn’t have done?
Last night.
18. Who do you miss?
Erika, Tara, my family, Rob, grandmas
19. Next movie you will see in theaters?
Not sure, but we saw Horton Hears a Who yesterday. It was okay.
20. What is your favorite drink?
Ice-cold water
21. What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans during the day, sweats at night (yoga pants, really).
25. Where are most of your clothes from?
Everywhere . . .
28. Is anyone jealous of you?
I doubt it.
30. Have any regrets?
Plenty. No elaboration, sorry, it's too depressing.
31. Who would you go to for sports trivia answers?
www.si.com
32. Where were you 8 hours ago?
In the shower (I didn't go to work today).
35. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes
37. What did you do last weekend?
Friday went to happy hour, Saturday a birthday party (Johnny turned 50), Sunday brunch at the St. Julien with Will, then drove to Denver and back, and finally saw Horton Hears a Who with Spencer.
38.What Football team do you favor?
I'm a Broncos fan because the two Ohio teams suck. College, I'll watch anything but Ohio State is #1.
47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Staring at the TV wondering why the hell I was still awake.
48. What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Called school and work to tell them that I have a sick kid and we wouldn't be going anywhere but the doctor's office.
49. Who will you be with this Sunday night?
Erika and the Oxford crowd!! Probably a tad hungover after going to see BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE on Saturday night in Cincinnati.
50. Who was the last person you hugged?
Spencer.
51. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yes
52. Is tomorrow going to be good?
I hope so.
53. Do you know anyone named Dan?
Yes, quite a few people, all of whom have nothing in common besides the name DAN.
54. How many myspace friends do you have?
97
55. Do or did you like school?
Not after 8th grade. I look back and wish that I had kept going to a private school, where I might have had more guidance.
56. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
A select few.
57. Where would you like to live?
Anywhere warm and sunny. In luxury.
58. Are you a good gf/bf?
No. I'm wishy-washy, and I can't bring myself to gush lovingly about my partner in public. Also, I'm not jealous or demanding where my man is concerned (I don't let it show outwardly, I mean), and I think this often comes off as disinterested. I am way too willing to do all the work, too, which then turns into resentment on my part. Oy, I SUCK as a gf!
60. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Same shit, different day, is the pessimistic version. On a good day, I hope that in 5 years I will be the proud parent of a successful teenager with a new driver's license, a better job, and a loving partner by my side. And OLD. No matter how it turns out, I will be OLD.
12 March 2008
10 March 2008
Here it is - the SHIZ!!
Random trip to Marshall's on Friday...
Lovely pink wool designer sweater/jacket...
Afraid to look at price tag...
HOLY MOLY SON OF A FRUGAL FASHION MAVEN!!!
(click on the price tag and look closely)
There isn't one single flaw on this piece of clothing...I checked every inch. Also got a pair of bronzy suede gaucho-type pants ($3, originally $150) and a lovely black shirt ($35 from $282). What a bargain.
Lovely pink wool designer sweater/jacket...
Afraid to look at price tag...
HOLY MOLY SON OF A FRUGAL FASHION MAVEN!!!
(click on the price tag and look closely)
There isn't one single flaw on this piece of clothing...I checked every inch. Also got a pair of bronzy suede gaucho-type pants ($3, originally $150) and a lovely black shirt ($35 from $282). What a bargain.
Bargain of the YEAR
It figures that I'm FINALLY posting and the stupid Google server is down so that I can't add pictures. Dang. Anyhoo, I have something wonderful to share as soon as Blogger.com gets their shit together.
Any suggestions about how to kill a sinus infection FAST? I have one that's so painful I literally grab my face every time something in my head starts throbbing. It's giving me a fever, too. Don't suggest antibiotics because they don't work. I may resort to sitting at my desk with an ice pack taped to my forehead, which I'm sure will amuse my co-workers to no end.
On a completely unrelated note: have you ever made a noise in the bathroom at work that you are certain has echoed like a foghorn throughout the entire office, deafening everyone in the process? And, worse, have you ever made one of those noises but it WASN'T actually the result of a foul bodily function, yet you just *know* that all of your co-workers heard it, mistook it as being caused by a genetic physiological defect passed down by your mutant great-aunt Mildred, and henceforth the office talks about you behind your back as "you know, THAT one"?? Oy.
Any suggestions about how to kill a sinus infection FAST? I have one that's so painful I literally grab my face every time something in my head starts throbbing. It's giving me a fever, too. Don't suggest antibiotics because they don't work. I may resort to sitting at my desk with an ice pack taped to my forehead, which I'm sure will amuse my co-workers to no end.
On a completely unrelated note: have you ever made a noise in the bathroom at work that you are certain has echoed like a foghorn throughout the entire office, deafening everyone in the process? And, worse, have you ever made one of those noises but it WASN'T actually the result of a foul bodily function, yet you just *know* that all of your co-workers heard it, mistook it as being caused by a genetic physiological defect passed down by your mutant great-aunt Mildred, and henceforth the office talks about you behind your back as "you know, THAT one"?? Oy.
26 February 2008
Where Can I Find Reliable??
WARNING: Self pity and sadness ahead.
Tonight, when I got home to find that the carpet was ruined (mud EVERYWHERE), and there was cat poop to clean up, and something (elk blood) had spilled in the fridge, and my son's science project is due tomorrow but the printer is out of ink ($89 to replace), and the sidewalks needed to be shoveled, and I still have work to do tonight, and there were three loads of laundry waiting, and I needed to make dinner, and I needed to wash the dishes from breakfast, and discovered that I can't pay all my bills this month...and all this happened within an hour of getting home (and yes, I took care of anything I could)...I realized that I am overwhelmed. I do everything by myself but nothing for myself. I self-medicate with wine because I can't calm my nerves any other way. I joined the gym but don't have any time to go there because I am so busy with life. I haven't had a vacation - the kind where there is no phone or computer or work-related anything - for 10 years...and when that one was over, I came home to a relationship separation, move to a new town, a new job, and a miscarriage. Oh, right, and an intro to life as a single mom. Yeah, all within a couple weeks of each other. Since then, life has pretty much sucked a lot and I am constantly panicky and scared. I lost a big chunk of self-esteem during that time period, and it's obvious to me that it hasn't come back. See below.
Once, just once, in my life, I would like to have something that's reliable, to the point that I can depend upon without stressing over it.
A reliable:
*partner
*car
*job
*income
*plastic bag
*shovel
*cheese grater
*coffeemaker
*hell, even a reliable child. Harsh, but true. The lack of respect is sometimes frightening. The ruination of the new carpet is devastating.
My life is the epitome of Murphy's Law...anything that can go wrong, does. I spend a lot of time trying to correct this -- I stash extra car keys under the bumper for when I lock my keychain in the car; I stash extra keys in the yard so that I don't have t o break a window when I lock the keys in the house; I make lists all over the place so that I don't forget things -- but everything still goes wrong. Really. Ask anyone who has known me for a long time. It's uncanny. And the constant itching feeling of I'M NOT SECURE IN ANY WAY is so awful. Especially when it comes to money...getting older alone fucking sucks.
The only thing that didn't go wrong is that my son is beautiful -- I was concerned about having one of those mutant boys with bright orange hair and pasty white freckly skin and a high-pitched voice. But he doesn't respect me, regardless of therapy and behavior changes and all of that shiz. He sees me working my ass off to support him and keep a somewhat nice home, but I think that maybe my failures are more apparent to him and that's what he bases his judgement upon. He sure doesn't behave the same way with his father. Then again, there are reasons that I still like him:
Tonight, when I got home to find that the carpet was ruined (mud EVERYWHERE), and there was cat poop to clean up, and something (elk blood) had spilled in the fridge, and my son's science project is due tomorrow but the printer is out of ink ($89 to replace), and the sidewalks needed to be shoveled, and I still have work to do tonight, and there were three loads of laundry waiting, and I needed to make dinner, and I needed to wash the dishes from breakfast, and discovered that I can't pay all my bills this month...and all this happened within an hour of getting home (and yes, I took care of anything I could)...I realized that I am overwhelmed. I do everything by myself but nothing for myself. I self-medicate with wine because I can't calm my nerves any other way. I joined the gym but don't have any time to go there because I am so busy with life. I haven't had a vacation - the kind where there is no phone or computer or work-related anything - for 10 years...and when that one was over, I came home to a relationship separation, move to a new town, a new job, and a miscarriage. Oh, right, and an intro to life as a single mom. Yeah, all within a couple weeks of each other. Since then, life has pretty much sucked a lot and I am constantly panicky and scared. I lost a big chunk of self-esteem during that time period, and it's obvious to me that it hasn't come back. See below.
Once, just once, in my life, I would like to have something that's reliable, to the point that I can depend upon without stressing over it.
A reliable:
*partner
*car
*job
*income
*plastic bag
*shovel
*cheese grater
*coffeemaker
*hell, even a reliable child. Harsh, but true. The lack of respect is sometimes frightening. The ruination of the new carpet is devastating.
My life is the epitome of Murphy's Law...anything that can go wrong, does. I spend a lot of time trying to correct this -- I stash extra car keys under the bumper for when I lock my keychain in the car; I stash extra keys in the yard so that I don't have t o break a window when I lock the keys in the house; I make lists all over the place so that I don't forget things -- but everything still goes wrong. Really. Ask anyone who has known me for a long time. It's uncanny. And the constant itching feeling of I'M NOT SECURE IN ANY WAY is so awful. Especially when it comes to money...getting older alone fucking sucks.
The only thing that didn't go wrong is that my son is beautiful -- I was concerned about having one of those mutant boys with bright orange hair and pasty white freckly skin and a high-pitched voice. But he doesn't respect me, regardless of therapy and behavior changes and all of that shiz. He sees me working my ass off to support him and keep a somewhat nice home, but I think that maybe my failures are more apparent to him and that's what he bases his judgement upon. He sure doesn't behave the same way with his father. Then again, there are reasons that I still like him:
14 February 2008
Hoodies OUTLAWED in Bowling Green, Ohio
Wednesday
2:26 a.m.
A male subject in a black hoodie was seen inside a vehicle on South Grove Street. Police said the subject was not located and no items were found missing.
2:26 a.m.
A male subject in a black hoodie was seen inside a vehicle on South Grove Street. Police said the subject was not located and no items were found missing.
12 February 2008
Courtesy of the BG News
" Sunday 3:04 a.m.
Two men reported to be peeing on cars on East Merry Street. They were nowhere to be found when police arrived."
Peeing. That's a silly word. But of course they were gone when cops arrived....how long does it take to pee?? (If you're me, this morning, it takes like 5 minutes....but perhaps that's TMI.)
Two men reported to be peeing on cars on East Merry Street. They were nowhere to be found when police arrived."
Peeing. That's a silly word. But of course they were gone when cops arrived....how long does it take to pee?? (If you're me, this morning, it takes like 5 minutes....but perhaps that's TMI.)
11 February 2008
I was just thinkin'...
...today in the car, while listening to "Accidentally In Love," by the Counting Crows (theme song of Shrek II), that if the ogres were from certain parts of Asia, they would be "Occidentally In Love."
Ha.
Ha.
Dear god, I've finally lost it. Send the plane tickets...any place warm and beachy will do!
Ha.
Ha.
Dear god, I've finally lost it. Send the plane tickets...any place warm and beachy will do!
07 February 2008
Priorities
Well, DUH!!! SAVE THE BEER, SAVE THE BEER!!
Okay, okay, calm down...I'm just kidding. She is a horrible awful human being who should be sent to rehab for the rest of her life. But the headline struck my funny bone (you know, the one in my head).
Being a person who has endured the sheer uncomfortableness of being pulled over for suspicion of DUI herself (though no kids in my car, I'm not that stupid), and later attended "alcohol class"*, I can attest to the fact that there are more women like her than you would suspect.
*"alcohol class", in my case and that of many others, consisted of 24 total extruciating hours of listening to a self-important creepy little fat man talk about how miserable his family life was, and extolling the virtues of sleeping pills and divorce. Well worth the $1,200 I shelled out for HIM to teach ME something, wasn't it?? It makes my blood boil just to think about it.
Okay, okay, calm down...I'm just kidding. She is a horrible awful human being who should be sent to rehab for the rest of her life. But the headline struck my funny bone (you know, the one in my head).
Being a person who has endured the sheer uncomfortableness of being pulled over for suspicion of DUI herself (though no kids in my car, I'm not that stupid), and later attended "alcohol class"*, I can attest to the fact that there are more women like her than you would suspect.
*"alcohol class", in my case and that of many others, consisted of 24 total extruciating hours of listening to a self-important creepy little fat man talk about how miserable his family life was, and extolling the virtues of sleeping pills and divorce. Well worth the $1,200 I shelled out for HIM to teach ME something, wasn't it?? It makes my blood boil just to think about it.
05 February 2008
Graspy
This woman is serious. Dead serious.
" 'And referring to weiner poopie? Oh my gosh.' " Spencer has been walking around saying this for an hour now and laughing his head off.
YouTubeWeinerPoopieVideo
" 'And referring to weiner poopie? Oh my gosh.' " Spencer has been walking around saying this for an hour now and laughing his head off.
YouTubeWeinerPoopieVideo
He Said It
Me: "Barack won in Illinois."
Spencer: "WOO HOO"
Me: "Hillary won in Arkansas."
Spencer: "BOO"
Me: "What's wrong with Hillary?"
Spencer: "I just can't see a woman running the military."
Me: WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP (the sound of my head repeatedly banging onto a brick wall, over and over and over and over and over and over)
Spencer: "WOO HOO"
Me: "Hillary won in Arkansas."
Spencer: "BOO"
Me: "What's wrong with Hillary?"
Spencer: "I just can't see a woman running the military."
Me: WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP (the sound of my head repeatedly banging onto a brick wall, over and over and over and over and over and over)
28 January 2008
What Spencer and I saw..
walking across 55th Street in southeast Boulder:
This isn't the same one, because I was driving and couldn't get a picture. It must live around there, because the people walking down the sidewalk didn't look the least bit surprised. We certainly were!! It was a reallly big one, too, with gorgeous feathers, so someone must feed it. I guess that if they live at the Denver Zoo year-round, then they can live on a Colorado farm, too.
This isn't the same one, because I was driving and couldn't get a picture. It must live around there, because the people walking down the sidewalk didn't look the least bit surprised. We certainly were!! It was a reallly big one, too, with gorgeous feathers, so someone must feed it. I guess that if they live at the Denver Zoo year-round, then they can live on a Colorado farm, too.
27 January 2008
Happy Birthday to Me (yesterday)
1. New, short, haircut (pictures when I look better)
2. ALL DAY at the Pub. Too much wine.
3. Wicked huge fight with Will. Rings given back, yelling, crying, over nothing more than my insecurity. This after he brought me tiramisu with a candle. What a drunken bitch I can be. Oops.
4. Pretty new ring (from Wolf) pretty new earrings from Maija, et al
5. Sigh.
Me to Spencer: "why aren't you over here scratching my back?"
Spencer: "because I'm over here watching Jethro lick his balls."
Me (to self): "I got nuthin."
2. ALL DAY at the Pub. Too much wine.
3. Wicked huge fight with Will. Rings given back, yelling, crying, over nothing more than my insecurity. This after he brought me tiramisu with a candle. What a drunken bitch I can be. Oops.
4. Pretty new ring (from Wolf) pretty new earrings from Maija, et al
5. Sigh.
Me to Spencer: "why aren't you over here scratching my back?"
Spencer: "because I'm over here watching Jethro lick his balls."
Me (to self): "I got nuthin."
10 January 2008
8 Days
Booze-free. Wow. And I LIKE it, that's the weirdest thing! I joined the Y last weekend (nah, I haven't gone yet), I'm getting things done at home (hence no Y trips), I'm getting things done at work, and I can SLEEP and wake up feeling like I'm able to face the day. Wow.
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