Pity party

Yeah, I'm right in the middle of a big festive gala that I threw for myself. You should see all the presents I've gotten so far - a haggard face, wine wine and more wine, headaches, fitfulness and insomnia. How on earth do I refuse to recognize that the party is over? It's beyond me. I'm usually the one saying, "you deserve better, get off your ass and the dump this MF'in loser"! WTF? Ouch.

To prove that I'm not completely suicidal or otherwise mentally ill, here are some cheery photos of my visit to Oxford, Ohio, land of the Circle Bar and very dirty alleyways.

We saw this note on a car at Kroger's. The best thing about it was the two hot blondes who got out of the next car and said, "what are you DOing??" when I was taking the picture. They then proceeded to discuss for 10 minutes why we thought it was funny. Welcome to the Valley, girls.



The bar at Mac & Joe's.



Erika and me (why do I look so fat??)



"Darryl is my ghetto pirate" - photo of Daryl to follow sometime soon! (he is indeed the main ghetto pirate)



Random people in the bar at the Minneapolis airport Chili's. Hold for another post with a very bizarre story that happened in that same bar. It deserves its own post.

Yeah, so...

I still have this MFSoabAHole of a boyfriend..and tonight he informed me that - wow! - he has a "second job"at a titty bar. OMG, this is a man who is BRILLIANT. WTF?? Why all the acronyms? Anyhoo, I threw the phone across the room and I am so proud of myself. (LOL)

And now I'm going to see a reggae band and I'm going to try to dance with someone fun who is not a complete asshole. AND, YES, I am completely DONE with Mister GROWTHEFUCKUPALREADY. Yay me.

P.S. Big shout out to my O-town pals!!!

Typical Conversation

Spencer: "My stomach feels weird."

Me: "Do you have to poop?"

Spencer: "No. My bowels are still."

Madmen and Snowstorms and Memes - LONG POST

1. Last night we were "supposed" to get a major snowstorm. One that would paralyze the universe and force us to beckon the Martians to come dig us out. Okay, not that big, but still significant. It was a fizzler on the Boulder end...we got about 5 inches but nothing stuck to the streets, which is usually just how I like it but I was a little pissed this time because I'm raring to try out my new snow tires. It will be a true miracle of God if I can just ONCE pull out of our alley onto the 9th Street hill (don't go look at a map, you'll never find me!) without causing a major traffic jam. What always happens is that I can get no traction and then 8000 cars come speeding up behind me at 90 mph hoping to grab the momentum that will let them get uphill in their $70K SUVs. What they don't understand is that the $70K they spent entitles them to get up snowy hills without going 40 miles over the speed limit in the process. If this isn't happening, they need to re-think their investments. Anyhoo, what transpires is that everyone gets mad at me and I have to either back up into the alley or turn left and go downhill. Either way they all hate me because I don't have a $70K SUV, and they can all suck it.

2. This morning, right down the street at Boulder Community Hospital, a man showed up in a wheelchair (he is not disabled) and said that he had a bomb strapped to his oxygen tank. There was a standoff, etc etc, and he ended up taking a metal plug to the chest, compliments of Boulder's overworked and underpaid SWAT team (yeah, that was sarcastic). So they had to block off the streets and traffic is all wonky and the 'hood was in a uproar with all the media. I wasn't there (I was actually at the other hospital getting Spencer's cough checked out - he's fine), but it seems to me that it could have been handled differently. As in, the guy DIDN'T HAVE A GUN, and the "bomb" is questionable. Go to THE DENVER CHANNELfor updates.

Here is a really long meme (I still don't know what that means):

1. Where is the person who owns your heart now?
I have no idea. The one who owns my heart in a different way is down the street playing Wii.

2. What did you do last night?
WTF do I do EVERY night?? I built a fire, drank some wine, watched stupid TV and went to sleep far too late.

3. What does your myspace name mean?
It’s just my ol’ boring first name.

4. Last person you text messaged?
Doug.

5. Who was the last person to call you?
Erika.

6. What are you doing right now?
Listening to my washer squeak and dreading the fact that I have to go to the laundromat to dry everything because my dryer broke last Friday.

7. What is your current problem?
Work, relationship, messy house, cold weather, bored (I could go on and on, but then you'd accuse me of being a whiner..LOL).

8. What color are your eyes?
Depends on what I'm wearing. Grayish, greenish, bluish.

9. What is your myspace song?
I don't have one, but I should shuffle through some friends' music.

11. Last place you ordered food from?
The deli at SuperTarget

12. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Will

13. What color is your hair?
Dark blonde.

14. Last song you sang?
"It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" because now it's stuck in my head, thank you very much.

15. Would you ever get back with your ex?
Loaded question...the one I currently still see? Yes. The one before that? Yes. The one before that? NO. {shudder}

16. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Everyone. I have a blog and I'm a blabbermouth.

17. Last time you did something you shouldn’t have done?
Last night.

18. Who do you miss?
Erika, Tara, my family, Rob, grandmas

19. Next movie you will see in theaters?
Not sure, but we saw Horton Hears a Who yesterday. It was okay.

20. What is your favorite drink?
Ice-cold water

21. What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans during the day, sweats at night (yoga pants, really).

25. Where are most of your clothes from?
Everywhere . . .

28. Is anyone jealous of you?
I doubt it.

30. Have any regrets?
Plenty. No elaboration, sorry, it's too depressing.

31. Who would you go to for sports trivia answers?
www.si.com

32. Where were you 8 hours ago?
In the shower (I didn't go to work today).

35. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes

37. What did you do last weekend?
Friday went to happy hour, Saturday a birthday party (Johnny turned 50), Sunday brunch at the St. Julien with Will, then drove to Denver and back, and finally saw Horton Hears a Who with Spencer.

38.What Football team do you favor?
I'm a Broncos fan because the two Ohio teams suck. College, I'll watch anything but Ohio State is #1.

47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Staring at the TV wondering why the hell I was still awake.

48. What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Called school and work to tell them that I have a sick kid and we wouldn't be going anywhere but the doctor's office.

49. Who will you be with this Sunday night?
Erika and the Oxford crowd!! Probably a tad hungover after going to see BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE on Saturday night in Cincinnati.

50. Who was the last person you hugged?
Spencer.

51. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yes

52. Is tomorrow going to be good?
I hope so.

53. Do you know anyone named Dan?
Yes, quite a few people, all of whom have nothing in common besides the name DAN.

54. How many myspace friends do you have?
97

55. Do or did you like school?
Not after 8th grade. I look back and wish that I had kept going to a private school, where I might have had more guidance.

56. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
A select few.

57. Where would you like to live?
Anywhere warm and sunny. In luxury.

58. Are you a good gf/bf?
No. I'm wishy-washy, and I can't bring myself to gush lovingly about my partner in public. Also, I'm not jealous or demanding where my man is concerned (I don't let it show outwardly, I mean), and I think this often comes off as disinterested. I am way too willing to do all the work, too, which then turns into resentment on my part. Oy, I SUCK as a gf!

60. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Same shit, different day, is the pessimistic version. On a good day, I hope that in 5 years I will be the proud parent of a successful teenager with a new driver's license, a better job, and a loving partner by my side. And OLD. No matter how it turns out, I will be OLD.

Tee hee

TSK, TSK (CLICK HERE)

Here it is - the SHIZ!!

Random trip to Marshall's on Friday...
Lovely pink wool designer sweater/jacket...
Afraid to look at price tag...
HOLY MOLY SON OF A FRUGAL FASHION MAVEN!!!
(click on the price tag and look closely)

There isn't one single flaw on this piece of clothing...I checked every inch. Also got a pair of bronzy suede gaucho-type pants ($3, originally $150) and a lovely black shirt ($35 from $282). What a bargain.

Bargain of the YEAR

It figures that I'm FINALLY posting and the stupid Google server is down so that I can't add pictures. Dang. Anyhoo, I have something wonderful to share as soon as Blogger.com gets their shit together.

Any suggestions about how to kill a sinus infection FAST? I have one that's so painful I literally grab my face every time something in my head starts throbbing. It's giving me a fever, too. Don't suggest antibiotics because they don't work. I may resort to sitting at my desk with an ice pack taped to my forehead, which I'm sure will amuse my co-workers to no end.

On a completely unrelated note: have you ever made a noise in the bathroom at work that you are certain has echoed like a foghorn throughout the entire office, deafening everyone in the process? And, worse, have you ever made one of those noises but it WASN'T actually the result of a foul bodily function, yet you just *know* that all of your co-workers heard it, mistook it as being caused by a genetic physiological defect passed down by your mutant great-aunt Mildred, and henceforth the office talks about you behind your back as "you know, THAT one"?? Oy.

Where Can I Find Reliable??

WARNING: Self pity and sadness ahead.

Tonight, when I got home to find that the carpet was ruined (mud EVERYWHERE), and there was cat poop to clean up, and something (elk blood) had spilled in the fridge, and my son's science project is due tomorrow but the printer is out of ink ($89 to replace), and the sidewalks needed to be shoveled, and I still have work to do tonight, and there were three loads of laundry waiting, and I needed to make dinner, and I needed to wash the dishes from breakfast, and discovered that I can't pay all my bills this month...and all this happened within an hour of getting home (and yes, I took care of anything I could)...I realized that I am overwhelmed. I do everything by myself but nothing for myself. I self-medicate with wine because I can't calm my nerves any other way. I joined the gym but don't have any time to go there because I am so busy with life. I haven't had a vacation - the kind where there is no phone or computer or work-related anything - for 10 years...and when that one was over, I came home to a relationship separation, move to a new town, a new job, and a miscarriage. Oh, right, and an intro to life as a single mom. Yeah, all within a couple weeks of each other. Since then, life has pretty much sucked a lot and I am constantly panicky and scared. I lost a big chunk of self-esteem during that time period, and it's obvious to me that it hasn't come back. See below.

Once, just once, in my life, I would like to have something that's reliable, to the point that I can depend upon without stressing over it.

A reliable:
*partner
*car
*job
*income
*plastic bag
*shovel
*cheese grater
*coffeemaker
*hell, even a reliable child. Harsh, but true. The lack of respect is sometimes frightening. The ruination of the new carpet is devastating.

My life is the epitome of Murphy's Law...anything that can go wrong, does. I spend a lot of time trying to correct this -- I stash extra car keys under the bumper for when I lock my keychain in the car; I stash extra keys in the yard so that I don't have t o break a window when I lock the keys in the house; I make lists all over the place so that I don't forget things -- but everything still goes wrong. Really. Ask anyone who has known me for a long time. It's uncanny. And the constant itching feeling of I'M NOT SECURE IN ANY WAY is so awful. Especially when it comes to money...getting older alone fucking sucks.

The only thing that didn't go wrong is that my son is beautiful -- I was concerned about having one of those mutant boys with bright orange hair and pasty white freckly skin and a high-pitched voice. But he doesn't respect me, regardless of therapy and behavior changes and all of that shiz. He sees me working my ass off to support him and keep a somewhat nice home, but I think that maybe my failures are more apparent to him and that's what he bases his judgement upon. He sure doesn't behave the same way with his father. Then again, there are reasons that I still like him:

Hoodies OUTLAWED in Bowling Green, Ohio

Wednesday

2:26 a.m.
A male subject in a black hoodie was seen inside a vehicle on South Grove Street. Police said the subject was not located and no items were found missing.

Courtesy of the BG News

" Sunday 3:04 a.m.
Two men reported to be peeing on cars on East Merry Street. They were nowhere to be found when police arrived."

Peeing. That's a silly word. But of course they were gone when cops arrived....how long does it take to pee?? (If you're me, this morning, it takes like 5 minutes....but perhaps that's TMI.)

I was just thinkin'...

...today in the car, while listening to "Accidentally In Love," by the Counting Crows (theme song of Shrek II), that if the ogres were from certain parts of Asia, they would be "Occidentally In Love."

Ha.

Ha.

Dear god, I've finally lost it. Send the plane tickets...any place warm and beachy will do!

Priorities

Well, DUH!!! SAVE THE BEER, SAVE THE BEER!!

Okay, okay, calm down...I'm just kidding. She is a horrible awful human being who should be sent to rehab for the rest of her life. But the headline struck my funny bone (you know, the one in my head).

Being a person who has endured the sheer uncomfortableness of being pulled over for suspicion of DUI herself (though no kids in my car, I'm not that stupid), and later attended "alcohol class"*, I can attest to the fact that there are more women like her than you would suspect.

*"alcohol class", in my case and that of many others, consisted of 24 total extruciating hours of listening to a self-important creepy little fat man talk about how miserable his family life was, and extolling the virtues of sleeping pills and divorce. Well worth the $1,200 I shelled out for HIM to teach ME something, wasn't it?? It makes my blood boil just to think about it.

Graspy

This woman is serious. Dead serious.

" 'And referring to weiner poopie? Oh my gosh.' " Spencer has been walking around saying this for an hour now and laughing his head off.

YouTubeWeinerPoopieVideo

He Said It

Me: "Barack won in Illinois."

Spencer: "WOO HOO"

Me: "Hillary won in Arkansas."

Spencer: "BOO"

Me: "What's wrong with Hillary?"

Spencer: "I just can't see a woman running the military."

Me: WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP (the sound of my head repeatedly banging onto a brick wall, over and over and over and over and over and over)

What Spencer and I saw..

walking across 55th Street in southeast Boulder:


This isn't the same one, because I was driving and couldn't get a picture. It must live around there, because the people walking down the sidewalk didn't look the least bit surprised. We certainly were!! It was a reallly big one, too, with gorgeous feathers, so someone must feed it. I guess that if they live at the Denver Zoo year-round, then they can live on a Colorado farm, too.

Happy Birthday to Me (yesterday)

1. New, short, haircut (pictures when I look better)
2. ALL DAY at the Pub. Too much wine.
3. Wicked huge fight with Will. Rings given back, yelling, crying, over nothing more than my insecurity. This after he brought me tiramisu with a candle. What a drunken bitch I can be. Oops.
4. Pretty new ring (from Wolf) pretty new earrings from Maija, et al
5. Sigh.

Me to Spencer: "why aren't you over here scratching my back?"
Spencer: "because I'm over here watching Jethro lick his balls."
Me (to self): "I got nuthin."

8 Days

Booze-free. Wow. And I LIKE it, that's the weirdest thing! I joined the Y last weekend (nah, I haven't gone yet), I'm getting things done at home (hence no Y trips), I'm getting things done at work, and I can SLEEP and wake up feeling like I'm able to face the day. Wow.

Busy Busy Busy!

Photos Galore: Trip to NY with family, Christmas morning...and WHITE CHRISTMAS!! (in reverse order)
I'm simply loading the pictures now...will come back later and edit to include captions and delete anything that makes anyone look fat or ugly. LOL
Cheers and Merry Christmas!!

TAGGED - wow, a first!

I'm late to the game so everyone I know has probably already been tagged. Oh well. Do it if you like. So here we go:

The Rules:

1) Put your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT(this is in capital letters, so it is very serious. No hiding your showtunes, folks!)

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Financial Leprosy - Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Operation Ardent - Buju Banton

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? pure pretty gal - Beenie Man (yikes, I didn't know that about myself)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Ghetto Scandalous - Zola (seriously! I'm stone cold ghetto scandalous!)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Go Back Home - Half Pint (wow)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Funky Nassau - Baja Men (that's about right)

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Eve of Reality - Arrested Development (I might be on the eve of reality, but I'm certain not there yet)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Father and Son - Cat Stevens (uncanny, but why is the gender always wrong??)

9) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? No Respect - Buju Banton (NO SHIT. WOW. This is actually right on the money)

10) WHAT IS 2+2? Door Peep - Sinead O' Connor (huh?)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Two Fine People - Cat Stevens

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Three-Minute Rule - Beastie Boys (BWAHAHAHAAAAA, chew on that, Suckah!)

13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Gin and Coconut Water - Baja Men (also about right)

14) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Do Ya Love - Spearhead

15) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? THE FART GAME - Eddie Murphy (I am not kidding, this is what came up!)

16) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Super Disco Breakin' - Beastie Boys

17) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? You Have Caught Me - Barrington Levy (yowza)

18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Lonely Afternoon - Bob Mould (awwww)

19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Stay Human - Spearhead

20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Searching - Buju Banton (it's not such a secret now)

21) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Phony Rappers - A Tribe Called Quest (too funny)

OK, there's some strange shit in there. Yes, the music is weird because it's all stuff that I downloaded, not from my home music collection. But some of it is just uncanny, man.

Now I've Gone and Done It!

Last Friday, I slipped on the stairs and broke my tailbone, aka COCCYX.
I didn't realize how bad it was until Saturday afternoon, while standing at a wedding in beautful snowy Breckenridge. OW! It was so bad that at one point I had to leave the reception to go lay down, thus missing dinner. Very sad. The drive home Sunday, on bumpy ice-packed roads (bald tires + icy roads + broken tailbone + driving phobia = one MISERABLE, LONG RIDE). By Monday it was so awful that I took Spencer to school, and then went back to bed. I literally couldn't get out of bed until noon, at which point I took a deep breath, flopped out of the bed onto all fours on the floor, and pulled myself up on the love chest. I went to the doctor, who informed me, as I well know from experiencing this in the past, that there is nothing that can be done except to wait it out until it heals. She did give me some Ambien so that I can sleep. I have been crying a lot from the pain. Being in the car is the worst...and when the muscle around the bone spasms, it makes me almost throw up.

Good times.