Bad day

So, after a lovely day at work during which a co-worker, notorious for her complete lack of social skills, yelled at me and made me cry...and I couldn't stop until this morning...Will and I had a talk last night...actually, I had the talk and he stared at the Food Network, except for when he was telling me that I was wrong. He didn't respond when I told him that I would still be willing to work on things -- but, once he walks out that door with his belongings, that's the end. I don't do "back together" because it ends up being "apart again" soon enough and it adds that much more pain to the already feeble heart.

He said he wants to remain friends, and I said that I will remain friendly, but not friends. I will give him a nice smile when I see him and I will be polite to his dates, should I run into that situation. And then I will probably turn around, go home, and cry, at least for a while. Time heals, right?

Who knew how painful this would be, especially considering how pissed I have been at him and how relieved I know I will be when he’s out of the house and I can stop worrying about his drunken, disrespectful, hurtful behavior? I will certainly miss his company a lot of the time, and it will be hard to not wait for him for dinner, and the bed will be very big and cold.

And now I'm crying again. Too much stress at one time...kid with an injury and a bad attitude at school, feeling pulled all directions at work and hence feeling miserably incompetent at all of it, and now a break-up of a 2+ year relationship and pseudo-engagement (yes, I had ringS. I gave them back last spring because I realized that he never meant to marry me. I figured it out when my pregnancy scare turned out to be just that, and he did tequila shots in celebration while I cried).

At least I should lose some weight out of the deal, given that I have had about two bites of food since Monday and I walk all the time to burn off some heartache. I haven't felt hungry. Mostly all I've felt is sadness and anger and stress and pain, which is really not very healthy. The only thing that would help -- right this minute -- is if Mr Perfect came out of the woodwork declaring love and bestowing gratitude for my existance, which would be such a stark comparison that I wouldn't be able to help cheering up on the spot. And I am NOT saying that I need a man. I just need to be shown the light in such a humongous way that it's like a slap in the face -- I DESERVE BETTER.