BWAHAHAHAAAAA

CLASSIC!!....click on the picture and look closely...

Penis gourd update...

Check this out: YIKES

It gets worse...

I guess I should shut up now...after all, she did lose 44 pounds. Then again, I have GAINED 44 pounds and it only took me three years. This fact was confirmed by my doctor yesterday. Maybe I should consult Courtney abotu her diet plan (crack and Diet Coke, I'm sure).

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

"I have 6 pounds more to lose, maybe 11"

WTF??? Yikes, what is WRONG with Courtney Love??! I mean, we all want to lose a few pounds, but she looks like she might fall into a cartoon heap of dust at her own feet and just blow away. I mean, you can see her internal organs!! Plus, what's up with her FACE? SHe looks like she has a past in professional boxing...

Ruminating on Penis Gourds

From an email exchange this morning:

"Sheep have penis sheathes? Do they look like the penis gourds that tribal men wear? Yeesh. I saw this show once where a white guy went to Africa and hung out with some warrior tribal people and they tried to make him wear a penis gourd. Apparently, you have to twist your wiener into a little spiral and shove it in there, and once it's in, it unwinds itself like those squishy earplugs. Anyway, the guy was crying almost immediately and so they didn't make him do it in the end."

I will try to find more on this subject and add to the post later. Maybe I can even find a picture! Woo Hoo!!

Funny

Last night, Spencer and I were at the store. In the check-out line, we were perusing all the magazines because that's what you do when you're waiting in line.
There were two mags with Anna Nicole on the covers; on one, she was all dressed up and skinny and wearing make-up, and in the other she had just had her baby and was all sweaty and make-up free.
The main thing that struck me was that her lips were HUGE in the baby picture compared to the older photo. So I said to Spencer, "wow, she looks really different in these two photos!"
He looked closely at the pictures, and in a totally serious voice, he pointed at the older picture and said, "Yeah, her mustache is MUCH darker in this one."
I thought that the check-out guy was going to poop his pants.

Top, big lips (but not as big as the actual photo)
Bottom, skinny lips.

Scary.

How cute is THIS?!

In my inbox this morning:

From: "Spencer LINDSTROM"
To: mermaidisland@msn.com
Subject: HELLO
Date: Sat, 24 Mar 2007 18:48:37 +0000

Hi mom do you have a msn messanger profile? If so, we can talk on the weekends.

R.I.P.

It's Friday, and I'm...

Yo Dawg

I can’t believe that Sabrina was voted off, and that Haley girl is still around. She sucks. Okay, that's mean. She's NOT GOOD.
And then there is the issue of Sanjaya. The Gayness That Is SANJAYA. Am I wrong, or is he the gayest thing since Waylon and Madam?? Gay doesn’t come much gayer than that, and he’s only 17! He hasn’t even NEARED his full gayness yet. Now, if you know me, you know I LOVES my gays, so you can only imagine how much I am looking forward to Sanjaya in his prime. I didn't think Sundance was all that good, like, not good enough to scream out, "GIVE ME MORE HEAD!!!", but he is still better than Sanjaya. Plus, duh, there is the added bonus of the name "Head".
I'm pulling for LaQueesha (I know, I know, LaKisha, but QUEESHA is more fun to say). I can't find a picture of her, but that's okay. Instead, I found a picture of SANJAYA (from now on, his name is in all caps) and his sister, who is very pretty. They look like twins!

Ann Coulter, You Are An Ignorant Slut

'Nuff said, won't waste more energy on that scrawny hole-licker.
Okay, so Grandpa Bill would not approve, but he died yesterday, so his opinion is his own now. Geez, I loved that man. Master of all things Mariachi, and dirty jokes, and WOW was he conservative (but willing to debate, god-luv-'im), and just a great guy all around. Except for his conservativeness, which as I mentioned was a moot point and always a pivotal part of conversation with him. I am crying right now. Off to the funeral service in SoCal soon.

Quote of the Day

"An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do."
-Dylan Thomas

I would like to add: "...who drinks as much as you do."

www.am-i-dumb.com

My results:

Your Number Correct: 24/25
Average Number Correct: 18.38/25
Percentile: 93.95%

I AM NOT DUMB!!! (no, i didn't cheat)

Math frustration

Monday

Back at work
Bleh
Back to the doctor with Spencer in an hour
Bleh
Enrolled in eDiets.com today
I have already eaten 3/4 of my allowed calories and I am facing starvation
Nothing like yougrt for dinner
And NO WINE. Sucks to yer assmar.
Welcome to Monday

Silly Saturday

SO, I have been stranded at home since Friday Feb. 16, chained down by a very sick kid. Spencer had some version of the flu, plus a massive ear infection that ruptured on Tuesday night but was still leaking nastiness this morning after almost 4 days of antibiotics. Ewwwwww. Poor, poor sad kiddo. I forget sometimes that he's still a little kid! Lucky for you, I didn't take pictures. I was too exhausted. I spent every day trying to take a nap but was hindered by any number of things...it doesn't help at all that there is a house being built across the street and they like to start in with the nail gun any time after 7:00 am. At night, I waited for Spencer to fall asleep and then drank wine like a fish in the hope of self-medicating myself into at least 6 hours of unconciousness, which never happened because God likes to remind those of us who are considering parenthood again that IT SUCKS sometimes. Great birth control!! Anyway, of course, Spencer slept like a log as long as the meds were kicked in! We knew exactly when they wore off because he would sit up like he'd been poked with a cattle prod, and start screaming. He's feeling better now, so his dad came to get him this morning. We were a bit concerned how the weather would be, given that I was receiving "BLIZZARD WARNING" and "STORM WARNING" email notices all yesterday, but not only has it NOT snowed in Boulder today, it has actually been very sunny and quite warm. I guess that, though, just east of Denver, there was a 35-car pileup on I-70 this morning. What a difference a few miles makes in Colorado's weather scheme! Then again, maybe everyone on the road was from Texas or California.

My Valentine Card to You

www.MySurvey.com

feel free to join, it will get me 150 points!

I just took a MySurvey survey (duh), and it asked me where I get my trash bags. There was the standard list of store names, and then there was the option "Other: please explain." I wrote: "I steal them from work."

Now here is my question: are the MySurvey people going to contact the president of my company and snitch on me?

I have a good defense in that *I* am the one who hauls my ass to Costco every other week to buy office stuff -- ON THE WEEKEND, mind you -- and then I have to heave it all upstairs (we have an elevator, but STILL), and unload it, and recycle the boxes. I feel that I am entitled to a few measly trash bags for all this effort. But still I have this weird little nagging itchy thing in the back of my head telling me that I should never have admitted that out loud (as it were). It would be a pretty big dumbass who could get fired for stealing trash bags...so leave it up to me!

Female Trouble

Last night, for any number of reasons (WILL), I couldn't get to sleep. So, I decided to watch the John Waters movie "Female Trouble," starring a bunch of very very bad actors and Divine. There was a lot of penis action going on, including Divine raping himself, though it wasn't really 'rape', per se, because both Divines were enjoying themselves and the girl Divine was a total whore to begin with (not that I'm saying that she ASKED FOR IT or anything, but this IS a John Waters movie -- so all feminists can relax your sphincters now). I think I can make it through my dying day without ever again seeing a naked hippie's flaccid, uncircumsized penis, but regardless, I highly recommend the movie if only to appreciate the severity of the terrible acting. It's quite fabulous where that's concerned.


Here is a good review!

Laugh til you cry

Spencer and I were lying in bed last night watching the news (AI had just ended), and the weather guy said, "in the morning, fog will be dense in spots"

I said to Spencer, "YOU're dense in spots! This spot in particular" and I rapped him on the head. He started giggling like he was going to say something silly, and he replied, "you're dense in spots, too, right around the crot-ch!" and we both started laughing hysterically because I knew right then that he didn't know what "dense" meant, and he thought he had just made a dirty joke....

So I said, "'Dense' means THICK," and that made the crotch reference even funnier to both of us...after about 5 minutes of shrieking laughter, he said, "I thought it meant WET!" (which, of course I had deduced by that point, but it was too much)

Nothing like a laugh that makes you cry.