BigChunkySoul

NOTE TO EVERYONE

2010-07-07T12:17:00.000-06:00

The phrase "Bacon: the Twinkie of meats" is MINE. As of today.

Neglected Blog

2010-05-20T14:12:00.002-06:00

I have ignored my blog site in favor of becoming a Facebook whore. The good news is, all of the dramatic events in my recent life (losing job, losing best friend/booty call man, meeting birth family, bank-draining legal order, cancer scare, etc etc) happened within 6 weeks of each other, and I am now slowly but surely getting over it. Hence, there is no reason to bore anyone with depressing details.

Important note of the day: I saw Justin Bieber sing for the first time on American Idol last night, and I'm happy to say that I can't stand him for real now, instead of just basing my dislike on that completely WRONG hairdo.

BG News blotter

2010-03-16T12:55:00.001-06:00

Mon., March 15

3:33 a.m.

Police responding to yelling within 600 block of Wallace Ave. were advised by residents that the yelling was for sexual reasons and that everything was okay.

People

2010-03-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go! And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when someone's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

Long time...back soon

2010-03-12T15:51:00.003-07:00

Because I am about to become jobless (or, as I like to call it, "job-FREE"), I will be doing a lot of gardening this spring. Be prepared for lots of pictures of mud and then seedlings and then plants and THEN the Real Things. As long as we don't have a f*ckwad of a growing season like last year, that is, because that means there will be very few pictures of the Real Things. Regardless of the wad rating of the weather, I will be outside every single minute that I can be, celebrating life and growth, and cheesy stuff like that. And hopefully some other festive things will happen, cuz pictures of plants are just not that fascinating. Bring it on.

And NONE OF THESE ARE ALLOWED IN MY GARDENS!:

2010-01-05T21:56:00.001-07:00

My weird thought of the day:

Pat Sajak seems to love saying, "I'm going to give the wheel a final spin," and then doing it with serious force - like he's thinking to himself, "I OWN this game, b*tches!" It's kinda sad to watch.

Like maybe during the whole game, he's reminding himself that soon, SOON, he will be the one spinning.

Lost, but not gone...

2009-12-24T00:29:00.002-07:00

...forever, anyway. I'm gonna start writing again soon. I need the outlet. I need an inlet. Right now, I need a scotch.

Bitchin'. Thanks, G

2009-06-13T15:03:00.001-06:00

http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=117586&catid=339

HUMMINGBIRDS!

2009-04-26T10:35:00.002-06:00

I hear them every day, loving on the pansies on the deck.

Me no blog so good more...but now that summer is coming, the soon-to-be husband is on the way to Colorado, and Spencer is almost done with school, I will get my bearings back and start tellin' it like it is (or should be)!!

BG News, 4-20-09

2009-04-20T12:36:00.000-06:00

This is an actual police blotter item:

3:45 A.M.
Complainant reported a male subject pooped in a subject’s yard on Main and Ridge Street.

Email exchange

2009-04-07T14:42:00.002-06:00

RE: getting a booth at the Denver Black Arts Festival this summer...

On Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 2:26 PM, co-worker wrote:

"This is something that maybe C.L. should be involved in. He sets up booths at events like this a lot. And I be happy to help."

On Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 2:28 PM, Cynthia wrote:

"I be happy to help." Nice use of Ebonics. :-)

On Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 2:35 PM, co-worker wrote:

"I always suspected that there was a secret in the family tree. It must have just come out when I saw a chance to hang with my people ;} "

Uh-oh

2009-04-06T19:22:00.002-06:00

I have been so busy Facebooking that I have seriously neglected this blog. Not that I ever had anything important to say, but *sometimes* I tried. Heading to Ohio in May, and upon return will certainly have fun and festive pictures of the 31st Annual St Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast party extravaganza. Hopefully something fun and festive will happen before then, also, and I will take some pictures. [Unless pubic nudity is involved, in which case I will end up rocking in the corner at the mental ward suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which runs rampant in my brain cells this time of year (the fattest time of year, in other words).]
The month of March was very stressful and I'm hoping that April will be less dramatic - and much more SOBER.

TMI

2009-03-18T23:02:00.002-06:00

Have you ever had one of those nights where your stomach is all funky and making weird noises and it hurts, and you go to bed thinking, "man, if I have to poop, I sure hope I wake up first."

Well, I've had one of those weeks.

Spencer quote

2009-03-16T19:13:00.002-06:00

Me: "Take a shower, your hair is greasy!"

Spencer: "Fine, but it's only going to be a two minute shower!"

Me: "YARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH"

Spencer: "Mom, I'm being green AND fuel efficient."

Me: "Shit, can't argue there."

Memorial Service

2009-03-13T11:16:00.001-06:00

Gregory E. Franta, Boulder, CO

Gregory E. Franta of Boulder, CO passed away Monday, February 9, 2009 in Jefferson County, CO. He was 58 years old. A Memorial Mass will be held Monday, March 16, 2009, 4:00 pm at Sacred Heart of Jesus, 2312 14th Street, Boulder, CO. Crist Mortuary of Boulder is handling arrangements.

So sad....

2009-03-11T10:58:00.001-06:00

Officials: Missing Boulder architect Greg Franta found dead in ravine

By Heath Urie
Originally published 06:40 a.m., March 11, 2009
Updated 08:15 a.m., March 11, 2009

BOULDER, Colo. — A Boulder architect who’s been missing since Feb. 9 has been found dead, according to the Colorado State Patrol.

The body of Greg Franta, 58, was discovered inside his car at the bottom of a ravine between Golden and Boulder on Tuesday afternoon, in what appears to have been an accident.

Trooper David Hall said Franta's 2006 Honda Civic hybrid apparently went off the road while driving south along Colo. 93 at the 4.9 mile marker in Jefferson County.

Hall said evidence points to an accident in which Franta tried to steer the car back onto the road when it started to slide onto the shoulder. The car went 363 feet off the road, rotated once, rolled into two trees and slid down the ravine and landed on its roof.

The car was not visible from the roadway, Hall said. Based on the condition of the body, and the fact that Franta was last seen alive during the early morning hours Feb. 9, investigators think the accident happened about that time.

Franta was found wearing his seat belt, and investigators do not suspect alcohol or drugs were involved.

"He could have fallen asleep, he could have had a heart attack," Hall said. "We may never know what the cause of the accident was."

Hall said the body was recovered at 1:47 p.m. Tuesday after a passer-by reported seeing the car. The case remains open and under investigation.

A Boulder police spokesperson was not immediately available. Jefferson County Coroner Katherine Loughrey-Stemp confirmed her office has Franta's body, but a ruling on Franta's cause and manner of death is pending the return of toxicology tests.

Franta was last seen headed south on Federal Boulevard toward Denver. Police officials have said surveillance cameras captured his last location on the 6700 block of Federal Boulevard, but would not elaborate on what business provided the footage. That area is home to a radiator repair shop, a restaurant and a strip club.

Franta had dinner with a family member and did not show up at work the next day at Boulder’s Rocky Mountain Institute, where he was a senior vice president.

Last month, a digital billboard at I-25 and Colorado Boulevard in south Denver began flashing a message asking for help finding Franta.

Boulder police have been leading the investigation into Franta’s disappearance — despite the fact that he was last seen in unincorporated Adams County headed toward Denver — because he lived in Boulder.

Franta’s interest in environmentally friendly building was sparked at the beginning of his career, according to a co-worker at the Rocky Mountain Institute, which develops renewable and energy-efficient building strategies.

Llewellyn Wells, vice president of communications at the company, said Franta will be missed for his work and his kind nature.

“Greg was a rare human being,” Wells said. “He had more life and spirit than a room full of people would normally have. He was passionate about people and he was passionate about his work. He will be dearly missed.”

Franta was named the Colorado architect of the year in 1998 and also worked with President Bill Clinton to make the White House more energy-efficient, according to his biography on RMI’s Web site.

He also led the projects for the University of Denver’s Sturm College of Law building and Fort Collins’ Fossil Ridge High School, built with sustainable design guidelines in 2004.

Paranoia, the destroyer...

2009-03-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

8:58 A.M.

Complainant reported subject walking around the hill and pond by Lot 5 acting suspicious. Subject was just looking at the ducks.

Need I say more?

2009-03-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

PLEASE READ THIS!

2009-02-13T14:24:00.004-07:00

BOULDER, Colo. — A day after police issued a public plea for help finding a prominent Boulder architect who went missing Monday, detectives say no tips about his possible whereabouts have come in.

Greg Franta, 58, was last seen in the 6700 block of Federal Boulevard at about 1:30 a.m. Monday, according to video obtained by police from business surveillance cameras in that area. Franta had dinner with a family member Sunday night and did not show up at work Monday morning at Boulder’s Rocky Mountain Institute, where he is a senior vice president. His family reported him missing Tuesday.

Police officials on Friday said no one has called to report seeing Franta, or the 2006 white Honda Civic hybrid he was last seen driving.

The car had a ski rack on top and a yellow or orange sticker across the back that says, “hybrid electric.” The vehicle has a Colorado license plate number of 997GKH.

Anyone with information about the case is asked to call 303-441-3333. Tips can also be submitted to Northern Colorado Crime Stoppers at 800-222-8477 or www.crimeshurt.com.

Seen...

2009-02-08T19:32:00.001-07:00

bumpersticker on a dazzling circa 1989 Geo Prizm: "WITCHES' PARKING ONLY. ALL OTHERS WILL BE TOAD."

I wish I'd been able to take a picture, but I was driving on the highway.

Moving...

2009-01-18T17:06:00.002-07:00

The whole thing happened very quickly, so as of Feb 1 - 15, Spencer and I will be relocating - back to the duplex where we lived several years ago. It's TINY, but at the base of Flagstaff, with a gorgeous front deck and a big backyard, and there's no need to spend much time indoors when you have all of that right out the front door. I'm going to need to figure out how to get rid of a bunch of furniture and clothes, and fast! When we lived there before, we shared the space with the woman who had just moved out. She needed a place in Boulder from which to teach her individual and group language classes. We lasted there for 2.5 years, but the situation was not ideal, as this woman had no sense of boundaries and was there all the time (she gave me $100 a month, and took up a whole corner of the living room with her desk, not to mention the enormous burden of invading our emotional and personal space). Anyhoo, she's gone now, and the people who currently live there want to move downstairs - perfect. They have painted every room a different color, and it's all very ambient and copacetic. But SO SMALL. I guess we'll get used to it; we dealt with it before, and that was with a constant stream of people traipsing in and out. I'm going to need help from those of you who have better decorating creativity than I (it's minimal, sadly)!! Photos to follow...maybe not until I get the deck looking beautiful again....MAN OH MAN, I'm going to miss what I have done with this yard over the past three summers!! I might have to do some transplanting before I go...stealing my own flowers, is that legal?

The OPD, Hard at Work!

2009-01-14T12:14:00.001-07:00

And I thought the Boulder police were bad...

Vacant house check uncovers unclaimed water bong

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Oxford police performing a vacant house check during the holiday break wound up discovering a colorful, yet illegal decoration.

Officers reported finding the front window of a South Campus Avenue house unlocked on Jan. 2, entering the residence to secure the window and ensure no criminal activity was taking place inside. During a routine search of the home, police said they found an orange water bong sitting in plain view in an upstairs closet.

The bong, which reportedly contained what appeared to be marijuana residue, was confiscated after officers finished checking the remainder of the house for signs of burglary.

An officer returned to the residence on Jan. 11 in an attempt to find the bong's owner, but report a resident said he was unsure who it might have belonged to in the house. A police investigation into the owner of the bong continues.

Spencer to Pudge

2008-12-24T17:43:00.001-07:00

"I've found Pudge in a box...now let's shut that box, and ship you off to Cuteville!"

Bone Fishing

2008-12-16T13:46:00.003-07:00

Me: "Maybe I'll go to Bimini...but I'm not interested in bonefishing..."

Me and Kat, simultaneously: "heehee, BONEfishing!"

Kat: "bonefishing...that was my major in college."

Patti and Jane (after it hit them): hysterical laughter

Ummm..

2008-12-15T09:00:00.002-07:00

From today's BG News:

THURSDAY, DEC. 11
4:10 P.M.
Andrew Furgeson, 21, of Bowling Green, was arrested for inducing panic after threatening to burn his apartment down because no one would clean his stove.

Someone call the WAh-mbulance, Mister Clean is having a hissy fit!

My stove is always a nightmare. Does this mean something? Should I run into the street and start screaming "CLEAN MY F*CKING STOVE OR YOU'RE DEAD!!!"? It would be a nice way to relieve some stress, like an OCD primal yell, and I might even end up with a sparkling oven.

On brighter note, I got my camera working again and ALL IS GOOD. It's too cold to take pictures today, though. It's DAMN cold. Minus 18 last night, and -8 right now. WTF.

Isn't there a place where it's 75 and sunny every day?

2008-12-12T08:24:00.002-07:00

Denver area's 7-day forecast:

Spencerism

2008-12-08T20:02:00.002-07:00

Upon seeing an Arnold Palmer Tea bottle with a top shaped like a golf ball and a picture of Arnie on the front:

"Look, now they're making sports drinks for old people!"

One-word Meme

2008-12-08T19:59:00.002-07:00

Brief

Where is your cell phone? Counter
Where is your significant other? Therapy :-)
Your hair color? DirtyBlonde
Your mother? Fletcher
Your father? Fletcher
Your favorite thing? Child
Your dream last night? Scary
Your goal? Security
The room you’re in? Living
Your hobby? Yahtzee
Your fear? Death
Where do you want to be in six years? Happy
Where were you last night? Home
What you’re not? Crafty
One of your wish-list items? House
Where you grew up? Oxford
The last thing you did? Laundry
What are you wearing? Pajamas
Your TV? On
Your pet? Cats
Your computer? MacBook
Your mood? Tired
Missing someone? Yes
Your car? Focus
Something you’re not wearing? Bra
Favorite store? Target
Your summer? Hot
Love someone? Lots
Your favorite color? Green
When is the last time you laughed? Today
Last time you cried? ??

Larry the Cable Guy

2008-11-18T23:09:00.001-07:00

On Jay Leno tonight, talking about his wife wanting new boobs:

"I don't know what they put in them fake boobs. Wood chips, maybe? There's fire ants in wood chips..."

Spencerisms

2008-11-11T02:00:00.002-07:00

1. Me: you'd better pick up your phone off the floor, otherwise someone's going to step on it.
Spencer: you know, I was just thinking, you have a keen sense for the obvious.

2. Will: that was a satisfying burp.
Spencer: sometimes I have a satisfying fart. But other times, it stings.

3. Spencer: Jethro [one of our cats] is obsessed with that cat toy. I think he's hooked on the 'nip.

Thank god he's funny. Otherwise, I would have killed him a long time ago. :-)

Pee Ess

2008-11-07T08:55:00.006-07:00

I forgot to mention that the woodpile is in the HOUSE. I touched a black widow spider in my house. And yes, Red Flashlight, I carefully removed it and put it outside where it belongs - see, I'm not a horrible arachnid killer after all! Oh, and ignore the date on the photo...I had to use Spencer's camera since mine was out of reach...and there was NO WAY I was going to leave that little critter unattended for even a second.

Ya know, I just realized that I haven't mentioned penis gourds in a really long time. You can read about them
HERE. You know you want to.

When is it going to be 5?

In the woodpile..

2008-11-06T18:10:00.003-07:00

It's one of THESE. Um, YEAH. I touched it. EEK!

Hell to the YEAH!!!

2008-11-05T15:53:00.003-07:00

Now I'm left wondering why so many of the more "liberal" amendments were voted down, in both Colorado and other states. Can it be that our friends to the right actually recognized that the McCain/Palin ticket was going too far, even though they stuck to their guns about the issues? Weird.

Meantime, I found this absolutely delicious article randomly online today. ("You wouldn't understand" side note: I have been vindicated, and Tim Brown needs to stand up and declare himself to Debbie and me - we were right all along!!! The naked girl in the hot tub during Spring Break doesn't count.) :-)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2007

OH-05 GOP: Commish Tim Brown Drops Bid, Says He's Gay
BOWLING GREEN (TDB) -- Wood County Commissioner Tim Brown publicly acknowledged he is gay and now says he won't be a candidate for the vacant OH-05 congressional seat. He was outed by an anonymous commenter Friday on the Ohio Daily blog. He discussed his sexual orientation in a story published today by the Sentinel-Tribune, the local newspaper in Bowling Green in NW Ohio.

'This is how I was born,' he said. 'This is an orientation.'
Brown realizes that some people will view him as a 'gay commissioner,' instead of a 'commissioner who happens to be gay.'
In some ways, the decision to openly discuss his orientation came as a relief, Brown said, since he has wondered in the past how political adversaries might use it against him.
'I am comfortable with my orientation and have the full support of my family and friends,' he said. "It's not a secret, it is a personal matter to me and I intend to keep it that way.'
Brown emphasized that his sexual orientation in no way diminishes his effectiveness as county commissioner.
'Serving the people of Northwest Ohio is something I cherish and have dedicated the last 20 years to and I hope to continue that service,' he said.

The Daily Bellwether, which placed a call to Brown that was not returned Friday, agrees that sexual orientation should in no way diminish his effectiveness as a public official. And it is more than unfortunate that in Ohio's current political climate a possible congressional campaign had to fold before it had a chance to begin. Brown, of course, is a Republican. And his party has not been seen as exactly welcoming for gays and lesbians.

Meanwhile, there are people telling The Bellwether that Brown made a mistake by abandoning his plans to enter the contest to succeed the late U.S. Rep. Paul Gillmor, who died suddenly Sept. 5. They contend he should have run openly as a gay man and forced people to consider, and perhaps confront their prejudices. Even if he lost at the polls, they figure Ohioans would have seen, and learned, that gay Ohioans are not some kind of terrible figures whose sexual orientation makes them unfit for national political office. And that would have been a victory in its own right, perhaps greater than winning a Congressional seat. Bottomline: The bigots won and Brown missed an opportunity to openly combat prejudice and stereotyping with a run for Congress in an extremely conservative corner of the state.

OM F-ING GAWD

2008-10-31T19:07:00.013-06:00

I was sorting all my pictures in iPhoto and ended up deleting a ton of them. I can't get them back. There were pictures from Halloween today, Spencer's friends throughout the years, the cats (PEEP, RIP), all of my flower pictures, baby pictures, and everything I had gotten from friends. These were all added to the library since I last backed up my pictures onto my hard drive. Happy Fucking Halloween to me (pardon my French).

The Munchkin Masquerade on the Pearl Street Mall was insane this afternoon - and I got there AFTER the crowd started thinning out! Pictures of Spencer the Hippie, take two, will be added to this post on Sunday.

My "All Dolled Up" dress, front view - sans green boots, waterfall hairpiece, and ME (click on it):

Next year's costume ideas: holy shit, all ears, green eggs and ham

The Loot (photo complete with sugar-crack faced uber smile):

Sorted into piles (duh, you HAVE to write down everything in the bag!!):

Very warm here this weekend

2008-10-31T14:44:00.002-06:00

SO warm, in fact, that my tiger lily bloomed again!

Office Safety!

2008-10-15T12:00:00.005-06:00

Rick Stein, of Boulder, shows photos of the mountain lion that came onto his back porch Monday. Stein was inside his home, on Folsom Street near Canyon Boulevard, when he saw the lion. My office is at 1820...right across the street!

Mountain lion spotted on Folsom; DOW has yet to trap and relocate the cougar

By Vanessa Miller (Contact)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008

At his home on Folsom Street this week — just a short walk from popular shopping areas between Pearl Street and Canyon Boulevard — Rick Stein, 56, had a surprise guest.

A mountain lion was crouched on the back porch of his home, at 1833 Folsom St., peering in through a sliding glass door and leaning back on his haunches, ready to pounce, Stein said.

“I came up to the glass, and it snarled at me,” he said. “What a way to start the day.”

The lion encounter happened about 9:30 a.m. Monday just after Stein’s wife had let their dog, Buddy, into the backyard. When Stein saw the cougar on his porch, Buddy was just feet away. His dog and wife sprinted to the apartment complex’s laundry room, while Stein grabbed a camera and started snapping photos.

“I’ve seen almost everything, but I’ve never seen a lion on the patio,” he said. “This is deeper in town than I’ve ever seen a cat.”

Stein said he tried to scare the cougar away and called 911. Before officers could arrive, however, the lion took off into the wooded area that backs up to Stein’s home. Colorado Division of Wildlife officials later joined officers at the scene and found a raccoon carcass in the area that probably was left by the lion.

They used that carcass as bait for the cougar. But the trap — which they set overnight Monday and was tripped by Tuesday morning — failed to net the lion, officials said.

Stein said he wanted to notify the community of the lion sighting. But, he said, Division of Wildlife officials told him not to tell anyone until they finished trying to trap the animal.

“If you have a big cat roaming around this deep into town, it’s almost like a public service announcement,” he said.

Jennifer Churchill, a spokeswoman for the division, said officers try to keep people away from an area where a lion is running loose, and notifying the public isn’t always the best way to do that.

“Anytime we have wildlife in town and word gets out, we have people rushing to see if they can get a glimpse,” Churchill said.

Public attention also makes trapping a lion more difficult, Churchill said, especially in Boulder, where there is a “diverse” range of opinions on living with wildlife.

“People feel differently about relocating lions,” she said. “So we try not to do an advertisement if we’re going to relocate one.”

Churchill said even though people don’t hear or see lions much in the downtown area, “They absolutely come into town.

“There is so much wildlife in Boulder, so there’s a lot for lions to eat,” she said. “If you live in the Boulder area or anywhere in the foothills, you should be aware of lions coming and going.”

Cam's Mountain Lion picture (Frying Pan River, Roaring Fork Valley, Colorado):

Best Headline of the Day

2008-09-30T11:08:00.002-06:00

Serial Cigarette Burglar May Be Chain Smoker

Not worth reading, except for this: "Police describe the suspect as a white male, about 6 feet tall, 175 pounds, wearing a black ski mask, black hooded sweatshirt, gloves and dark pants. He also may smell of cigarette smoke."

I Made a Funny

2008-09-28T12:42:00.000-06:00

The washing machine finished a cycle and made a weird half-beep. I wondered aloud if maybe the fuse had blown or something...but a few minutes later, there was a really loud, really long BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, and I said...

Ready???

"Wow, sounds like it's making up for lost chime.” LOL

My comment at the BG News website:

2008-09-25T13:28:00.000-06:00

(the context: every week the police blotter has about 100 arrests for public urination)

Cynthia
posted 9/25/08 @ 3:23 PM EST

Why is it that so many people in BG pee on the streets downtown? Perhaps it would be worth the cost to build a public toilet near the bars...

Funny Picture

2008-09-25T12:31:00.002-06:00

Look closely (click on it) and check out my name written on my cup....I was terrified that someone would take my wine. NOT THE WINE, DAMMIT! TAKE MY VIRGINITY, TAKE MY FIRST BORN, BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE LEAVE THE WINE!!!!
CYN AND KAT, RMI RETREAT SUMMER OF 2007

Good Old BG News

2008-09-09T13:39:00.002-06:00

Thanks God they explained "public urination". Or was that the "disorderly conduct"? After all, it's most disorderly to walk and pee at the same time.

Saturday

1:35 a.m.
Bradley Rader of Medina, Ohio, was cited for disorderly conduct, underage under the influence and public urination. According to police reports, an officer witnessed Rader walking "on the sidewalk with his fly open, and his penis exposed with a stream of urine coming from it."

Why I Will Never Own a Home in Boulder, CO

2008-09-09T13:34:00.000-06:00

Boulder home prices rank high

BOULDER - If you're looking for an average single-family home in Colorado's main housing markets, Boulder is the most expensive in the state, and Colorado Springs is the most affordable.

So says an annual Coldwell Banker survey, which compared prices of the average 2,200-square-foot, four-bedroom, two-and-a-half bath, two-car garage home in 315 U.S. housing markets. In Boulder, such a home would run about $645,000, the survey said. In Colorado Springs, the same home would cost about $198,500.

The price difference of $446,600 of two similar homes in the same state ranked Colorado with the 10th-largest gap in the U.S. from most expensive to most affordable. California had the largest price gap - of about $1.5 million - between the most and least expensive housing markets in one state.

La Jolla, Calif. ranked as the most expensive market in the entire U.S., where the average home costs $1,841,667. Sioux City, Iowa came in as the most affordable market in the U.S. with an average home price of $133,459.

Dubai was the most expensive market studied outside of North America, where the average comparable home cost $2.45 million.

W Does It Again

2008-09-03T13:41:00.003-06:00

Bicyclist injured on Arapahoe Avenue

A bicyclist was hospitalized with a broken pelvis and broken ribs after he was struck by a car while riding through the intersection of Arapahoe Avenue and Foothills Parkway late Monday afternoon.

The accident tied up traffic on Foothills Parkway for most of the evening's commute.

William Robson, 31, was riding his bike east through the intersection at about 4:15 p.m. when he was struck by a car heading north on Foothills. Robson, who was not wearing a helmet, was cited for disobeying a red light, according to police. He was taken by ambulance to Boulder Community Hospital.

The driver of the car was not cited.

The accident backed up traffic at the intersection for more than an hour.

__________________________________________

As a person who happens to be in the know: 1. the cyclist did indeed t-bone the car and was in the wrong, 2. he was not wearing a helmet, and 3. he sustained no head injuries so in this case it wouldn't have made a difference (and lucky for him he has a hard head). Yes, we have all given him loads of sh*t about not wearing a helmet and he's aware that he could easily be dead right now. 4. He wasn't in a hurry, he misjudged the changing of the lights. It was an ACCIDENT. They happen, you know. To those commenters who seem to think that they know it all - please remember that everyone makes mistakes. Geesh.

Have you ever heard a cat fart?

2008-08-27T12:57:00.004-06:00

It sounds like baked beans being violently squeezed through a little hole in a plastic baggie. For real. I never thought I would be lucky enough to hear such a thing, let alone in my own house...I'm going to play the lottery today!

I'm really bored today

2008-08-22T14:39:00.002-06:00

Animated Realist

There is a damned good reason...

2008-08-22T11:17:00.002-06:00

that I have never walked down the aisle. I took the test and scored FOUR. Out of a HUNDRED. Good grief.

I'm afraid that I'm going to ruminate over this all day (until directly after work, at which point I will start drinking, smoking and using profanity, and promptly commence to not giving a shit what a horrible life partner I would make).

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!

Spiders and Peters

2008-08-22T09:54:00.001-06:00

SCARY SPIDER STORY

I DID NOT WRITE THIS (note: political incorrectness ahead)

2008-08-21T13:13:00.006-06:00

And I'm probably going to get my pants sued off for posting it here. Whatever. I could have just posted a link, but it's just too awesome to risk losing it some day when the Pork Tornado gets ripped off of the air for being subversive and RIGHT ON about stupid people (except for the nuclear stuff, and I won't start on that. But I DO agree with alternative energy ideas!) It's very long, but oh so worth the read. I've cut out some stuff at the beginning that's not relevant to the point of his diatribe.

Here's his web address, just so no one thinks that I'm trying to take the credit for describing almost 99% of the retards in this universe: salamitsunami.com

After you read this, go straight to the website and check out the Worst Album Covers. READ EVERY WORD. This is good shit...every time I read it (and I read it often), it brings me to tears of laughter and embarrassing workplace incontinence.

Signs of Dumb
August 18th, 2008 by Dusty

I’m sure it will come as no shock when I say that I have an exceedingly low tolerance for dumb people. Let’s define that, though. If a person has an IQ of, say, 70, and wears a dirty crumpled up baseball cap with a picture of Big Bird on it and spends lots of time clapping, they are retarded, not dumb. I have nothing but love for those folks, and I have found in my limited interaction with them that they can actually teach the rest of us a lot about how to enjoy what we have.

When it comes to the people I can’t be around (the other kind of retard), I’m talking about people with average and sometimes above average IQ (or whatever quotient they use to measure basal intelligence) who for some reason depart from logic and spend lots of time wringing their hands in fear of some scenario they have dreamt up, rather than learning from experience and using life to help them understand the way things are. These are the people who are generally ineffective because they are just bright enough to have a semi-profound thought, but not quite bright enough to do anything with it.

Shitty Lifechoicers - I mentioned it a few entries back - they know that a certain friend is a douchebag who causes trouble or has no social skills, but every time you talk to them, they have another story about how that person made bad things happen to them. A similar condition afflicts people who date losers over and over, but I think in that case it is more of a psychological condition than simple stupidity. An extension of the self-loathing it takes to surround yourself with people who are no good for you is this person -

“Dude, did I do something to piss Steve off?”
“You mean Salesguy Steve?”
“Yeah. I said hi to him today and he just looked at me and walked by. He seems like he’s pissed about something.”
“Wait. Steve from sales. Right? The guy who doesn’t wear socks, shaves his forearms, and cheats on his wife? We’re talking about the same guy?”
“Yeah. Cockbag McToolbox Steve. That’s the one. He seems like he hates me all of a sudden.”
“He’s a total douche. Why the hell do you care, and can I get back the time I just spent talking about this?”

We all know someone who doesn’t like someone else, but for some weird reason is disappointed if that person doesn’t like them. I don’t understand that. I like everyone I meet until they give me reason not to, and then if I decide I don’t like them, they no longer exist. I won’t necessarily walk up to them and force them to hate me, but I’m not going to go out of my way to accommodate them or engage them in conversation, and nothing could possibly matter less to me than what they think of me. In fact, it’s better if they don’t like me, because that reduces the number of seconds I have to waste interacting with them.

Another example - people who will not admit that there are correct answers to certain questions, or notruthers. When I was in high school I took this civics class and we talked about social issues as a group. A group of Georgia public high school students. So you know it was awesome and insightful. The debate of the day was the Iraq/Kuwait thing that was in full effect at the time. We had people who thought war for any reason was wrong, people who wanted to put it in God’s hands, people who said we should nuke the entire region, and a handful of people who weren’t retarded. We (non-retards) brought up the issue of alternate energy sources. How are we going to incentivize anyone to really dump some huge bucks into batteries, solar, wind, whatever and make it work like it should? It came to a point where our teacher asked us for an answer, and we’d have to debate it the next day.

So I thought long and hard about it. I wanted an answer that I knew would work. Nothing will make everybody happy, but I know there is an answer to the question “What will make us as a nation really look for other ways to produce energy?”

My answer the following day was “Oil needs to cost $300 a barrel and gasoline should be about $10 a gallon.” (collective gasp). ONE person agreed with me, and I was baffled. Considering the millions of times we have seen this economic model in action, people still whined about a bunch of apocalyptic scenarios in which people would have to burn their children to heat their homes. Crazy, illogical, slippery slope answer that stupid people use. BULL. SHIT. Call it a flaw in the system or the beauty of free enterprise, but if you can make it financially more appealing to pursue another avenue, they will find their way every time. None of the world-ending scenarios that the worriers dream up have ever come to fruition. Why? Not because a government program prohibited it, but because that scenario stops making sense somewhere between “people will not enjoy paying that much” and “nuclear holocaust”.

Fast forward roughly 20 years, and look around you. Gas is expensive. People like me (yes, I am the little guy. I have to be extremely careful where I put my dollars) can hardly afford to drive anywhere. And holy shitballs, batman - suddenly Atlanta is figuring out how to make a workable light rail system. Our current light rail system is seeing more business than ever, the big bad evil oil companies are putting record numbers of dollars into battery technology, wind energy, and other non-oil sources. It’s even starting to look like America is finally going to wake the fuck up and start producing nuclear energy like the rest of the world has been doing for 40 years. Can you believe it? Out of financial necessity we are polluting less and walking more. Sure, we’d all like to see a world where everyone does those things out of the goodness of their hearts, but that’s out in the realm of warm fuzzy feelings, which is not the way things work.

So I went into more detail than I had intended with that one, but my point was that some people will only argue the negative - Ooh. look what bad could possibly happen. We’d better not try anything. Special thanks to the dipshits who tied themselves to bulldozers in protest of building nuclear power plants in the 70s. I’m sure the thousands of people who die every year due to the mining and use of coal are grateful that you had your best stupid opinion in mind. Look at what history shows to work, and give that a shot.

Before you fire off an angry email, let me assure you that I am one of the losers in this situation. You think auto fuel is expensive? Try filling an airplane with aviation fuel. As a result, no one can afford flight training, every airline and charter company is feeling the pain, and guys like me have a tough time finding a job. Do I cry about it and wish ill on the big bad corporations? Hell no. Those corporations are going to be at least partly responsible for whatever gets us out of this, so we’d better be careful which hand we bite. Anywhere there are losers there have to be winners, and they are the ones I need to watch and learn from. I personally think that the current energy “crisis” is going to turn out to be a renaissance of ingenuity that history will look on very favorably, and I’m amped to see what new ideas come out of it. Hopefully my generation isn’t such a bunch of weeping pussies that they can see past their temporary setbacks and do something useful.

Back on subject now - more categories of irritating dumbness:

People who get way too caught up in stupid details/their own ego. Also known as people I wish would kill themselves. I was watching that show “Flipping Out” where this completely obsessive compulsive gay dude buys houses and fixes them up. He is a hard worker and therefore successful, but a nasty rude piece of shit, too. I saw one clip where his assistant gets him a starbucks coffee and he says “Is this 140 degrees?” “Yeah. that’s what I asked for.” she replies. “I think it’s more like 150 or 155.” he says “I need it to be 140″. He went on for a minute or two, seemingly just to prove how picky he can be.

I don’t know why, but even seeing someone else have that conversation makes me want to punch a wall. It was even worse when I used to work at AppForge. Anyone who works in a corporate environment knows that there is nothing worse than a self-important moron with a big title who is bored. I have tons of these stories, but I’ll recount only a few.

A few years ago we were having a career fair where we invited a select 20 or so of Georgia Tech’s top computer nerds to come see our company in hopes of hiring a few of them. This chick that worked upstairs asked me to make name tags for them, and although I knew that it was something that could easily be done by our admin assistant, I wasn’t terribly busy so I did it. I made neato name tags for each of them with a Georgia tech logo and an AppForge logo, printed them out, and put them in little badge holders. Done in an hour. Immediately thereafter I had another project come up with a deadline, so I got busy with that. Then the bored retarded chick decided she wanted me to re-print the tags with each person’s major listed on it. I said I couldn’t because I had to do the other project.

Then she came back down and said “We really need these nametags. The event is tomorrow.” “Uhh…you have the name tags.” I said. “No we need them to have their major on them.”

NO YOU DON’T. YOU ARE BORED. GO CHASE A LASER POINTER OR SOMETHING.

Finally the person who requested the new project said that the chick needed her nametags, and I should work on those. I am convinced that a huge number of decisions like this one in all areas of the company eventually led to AppForge closing its doors. We are going to put our only creative resource on (pick one - making name tags, changing someone’s title on their business card from VP of sales to VP-sales, creating package graphics for a product that no one intends to launch, making custom placeholders for a meeting, or any of a million other things that will never have a positive impact on the bottom line), instead of doing the things that help us sell software? It was everywhere - meetings to discuss how we would categorize customers we didn’t even have, meetings to schedule meetings, new products built on products that had already failed, the list is endless.

So I put their goddamn majors on the name tags and printed them out again. Still not good enough.

She said “I think we should put the date of the event on them.” “Really? Why?” (hoping she had a damn good reason, but disappointed as usual) And by the way, why does it take an entire batch of finished name tags for you to make the next stupid decision on how to waste time?

“In case they decide to come back next year and want to use the same name tag.”

She actually said that in front of three other people, and I am the only one who laughed. Are you fucking joking? Do you really have nothing else to do but micromanage a completely inconsequential project? Do you honestly believe that ANYONE will keep up with this stupid tag for an entire year and bring it to the next job fair? Please kill yourself. Please. I’m begging.

Sometimes when these situations came up I would go to someone else just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Why can’t anyone keep this from happening? SOMEONE PLEASE SHAME HER AND MAKE HER UNDERSTAND THAT SHE NEEDS TO FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE. In every case, there would be a shrug of the shoulders, some kind of “I know it’s frustrating” rigamarole, and a “just get it done and it’ll be over.” I’d walk away wondering if maybe I just live in a parallel universe and there was something huge that I didn’t understand.

In the end, I spent six hours reprinting those name tags until they were the best damn name tags ever to be completely ignored and thrown away before the job fair was even over. I took the time to point this fact out to the retard who thought they were so important - *holding the garbage can up with a dozen said name tags in it* - “Hey, do you think we should maybe get these out and clean them up and then mail them to their owners? It should only take a day or two to figure out where they all live, and we can pack each one in a custom made wooden crate…”, but that was just me being difficult, as I later learned while being reprimanded for my out of control common sense.

Another great example - we were throwing a party at a trade show and I wrote and submitted phrases for fortune cookies we would have there. Little somewhat humorous things about how the future is bright for you if you use our stuff. Whatever. A few of them said “Confuscious say….” (because they were fortune cookies, and that’s a classic fortune cookie line) and someone with the word “Chief” in their title actually made us change the whole frigging thing because “If we have any Asian people there, they might get offended.” If you are the person who made that phone call, kill yourself. Your job and lot in life are useless and pointless. Really.

Someone also had an idea for the name of a database where customers could share applications they made with our product. Since our name was AppForge and Napster was all over the news at the time, one of our more inventive software guys coined the name “AppSter”. Simple. Descriptive. Topical. Very good.

As I was producing graphics for what I thought was one of only a few truly creative ideas that hadn’t been dumbed out of existence, I was informed that we would not be using that name. “Too much negative publicity around it, and we didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea.” Yeah. Just too edgy and dangerous. What were we thinking?

Again. PLEASE. Kill yourself, whoever took the time to come to that conclusion. If it was a group decision, tell me what room you are in so I can lob a hand grenade in there.

Another agonizing example (and I swear on whatever book you worship that I am not making one word of this up) - I designed and printed brochures for another company I was working for, and on the back in 6pt type it said “copyright blah blah blah, all rights reserved” We had to re-print them because someone said there needed to be a period after the word “reserved”. Kill. self. now.

Again, it comes back to a matter of there being a right and a wrong answer. It may be merely my opinion that this font is better than that one when I use it on your letterhead, but it is a fact - undeniable and provable beyond any doubt - that the time and money it takes to change it to a different font, add a period, or shorten the music by two seconds in the intro is not going to make a single penny, improve anyone’s experience, or otherwise improve the existing situation in any way.

A slight variation of this is the clutcher. This is the person who will pick something irrelevant out of a conversation or situation and get their little mind all twisted up into it to the point that they can’t move on. Think of a car driving through a parking lot at 5 MPH, running over a skittle, flipping into the air and bursting into flames. That’s how I think of these people. I dated a lot of girls who had this flaw, and that may be the reason I can pick it out from three statute miles. Let’s say you’re discussing something about technology, and you mistakenly use the word “pornograph” instead of “phonograph” while making a point. Slip of the tongue, two second chuckle, and move on, right? The clutcher will bring it up over and over in an attempt to derail the conversation because he or she has nothing useful to offer.

“Where you going? Gonna go listen to your pornograph? haha.” Shut up.

It’s like having a conversation with a friend and his dog is sitting there, and then you say something like “…after she left, the sheets were in a ball at the foot of the bed. I’m telling you- best $13 I have ever spent…” and the guy’s dog goes bonkers and starts running around barking and won’t shut up because you said the word “ball”. You’ve lost the dog at that point and he’s just going to ruin the conversation for you and your friend.

the clutcher also suffers micro-traumas from other events that would be ignored by most people. Let’s say my ex girlfriend was so stupid that every time we went to her house, she would get off the highway at an exit, drive across the overpass, and get back on the same highway. One day I asked her why she always did that (I thought she might be afraid of bridges or something), and she actually thought she was getting on a different road. I laughed a little bit about that, as I was entitled to do, and thanked god she wasn’t ugly, or she’d be in the middle of the desert begging for water. She was a clutcher, so any time anyone did anything mistakenly after that, she’d say “Are you going to make fun of them? Wanna’ make them feel stupid? Seems to be your hobby…” instead of just letting me forget about it.

Now let’s get into naysayers and pointmissers -

Naysayers are the people who will always take an opposing position to what you say, just so they can consider themselves objective. They are closely related to the Negative people, but really just have loose control of their mouths. If you make any kind of observation about how something is crap and you got railroaded (even if all you are doing is venting), they’ll come immediately to the defense of the other side and make you start defending your position like they have some special interest in whatever you are ranting about.

“I got a frigging parking ticket, and I was walking up to my car at the same time the meter maid was. What a bunch of losers those people are, you know? Just walk around giving tickets to taxpayers. Was there really no better job available, or are they being punished? I mean really, is there a life form below meter maid? I’d rather have dinner with a child molester.”
“Well, you know…they’re just doing their job. It’s just like you have a job doing whatever you do…”
“Seriously? Is meter maiding a proud family tradition for these losers? Did their grandparents travel across the ocean from the old country in a ramshackle golf cart with blue lights mounted to the top of it? Because I really really doubt it.”
“No, I’m just saying, you need to look at it from their…”
“Shut up. You might as well be saying ‘Hitler had a point’ right now. I can’t believe you are asking me to defend my stance on being raped.”

The pointmisser/reinterpreter is the person who will write me an email after reading this and say “You sure are angry lately. I thought you were smarter than this - you hate people who disagree with you? That is my definition of a stupid person. I wish someone would kick you in the balls.” Instead of understanding that writing style and actual mood are separate entities, and sometimes examples are used to illustrate a broader idea. You have to explain things to some people as if they are three years old.

“We do need to figure out a way to control the borders. I mean, how much longer can a country sustain…”
“So if you hate Mexicans, then why don’t you stop eating those delicious burritos, you racist?”
“Uhh…hate what? What part of your brain is malfunctioning right now?”

Of course, that doesn’t cover every kind of stupidity out there, and everyone does some of this stuff now and then, but overall, those are a few of the characteristics of the kind of people who mess things up for the rest of us.

Lions and...well, that's it...but OH MY

2008-08-05T11:34:00.003-06:00

My friends live in Idledale...and just a couple of weeks ago, I spent the night at their house. In the morning, we were discussing mountain lions and bears. Up to that point, there was no issue...too bad that the lion (and dog) had to die because someone was stupid enough to leave their door open (assuming that this happened any time other than in broad daylight)!

IDLEDALE (AP) - A mountain lion has snatched a Labrador retriever from a bedroom in the foothills southwest of Denver, and the dog's dead body was found nearby.

State wildlife managers say the lion entered the bedroom early Monday through a door the owners left open, probably to cool the house. The door did not have a screen.

It's not clear whether the owners were in the room at the time.

State Division of Wildlife spokeswoman Jennifer Churchill says the DOW caught the cat in a trap at 7 a.m. Tuesday. The 130 pound male cat was immediately put down.

It has been taken to the Wildlife Health Lab in Fort Collins for testing.

The family is very shaken up by the incident but feel more at ease now that the cat has been caught, according to Churchill.

She added that Idledale is a prime cat habitat however with the family having the doors open with no screen there was no way to prevent this type of attack.

To her knowledge, Churchill has not heard of any incident of this kind in Colorado.

Idledale is about 14 miles southwest of Denver.

Sad...

2008-08-05T10:39:00.001-06:00

Wish I could find a picture...I have some somewhere...
________________________________________

Lauren Beth Wood McCombe, Boulder, CO

1963 - 2008

Lauren Beth Wood McCombe died on July 31, 2008 in Boulder, Colorado. She was 45 years old.

Lauren was born June 28, 1963 in Ft. Belvoir, VA to Charles E. Wood and Beth E. Wood. She attended CU for 3 years in the early 1990’s. Lauren owned a dog training business. She loved animals and was very interested in humanitarian issues.

Lauren was a beloved mother of four boys, John McCombe Jr., Nicholas McCombe, Nathan McCombe and Adam A. McCombe and was also a grandmother of a 15 month old baby girl.

She was the best mother any one could have ever been blessed with. She will be sorely missed but in our hearts forever.

She is survived by her four children, her granddaughter Elizabeth Jensen, her mother, of Erie, PA and father of Charlotte, NC, her sisters, Leslie Sangricco of Charlotte, NC, Barbara A. Wood of Aurora, CO, brother Timothy P. Wood of Abbottstown, PA and 3 nieces, Emily and Hannah Sangricco and Julie Lerma and a nephew, Mike Wood.

Maybe I shouldn't admit this, but...

2008-08-01T15:59:00.005-06:00

I'm the one who called the cops (see link below). And the dispatcher kept saying, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU" and I would reply each time, "I HAVE STREP AND I CAN'T YELL!"...plus, the mutherfuckers were right outside my front door...like I really wanted them to know that I was the one on the phone with the authori-tahs. AND, when I went outside to inform the police of the fact that the runaways were not, in fact, hiding in the yard where they refused to stop shining their flashlights, I was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY dismissed. As in, they didn't acknowledge my presence, even though I was the one who called the cops (which I told them), AND I was the one looked out my window and saw the guys running down the street toward 9th (which I had told the dispatcher), AND I was standing within three feet of them while I was tellin' the facts. The cops generally suck in Boulder, BTW. Just sayin'. Either that, or I am indeed a witch and am invisible after dark.

FUCKING CAR THIEVES FROM HELL!!!!

Oh My Lordy Be

2008-07-31T15:38:00.006-06:00

I just FINALLY configured my home HP PhotoSmart to my laptop. Y'all are in for a beating of scanned old-timey pictures!

NOTE: I am still sick (hence, just calm enough to sit down and figure out the old HP instead of spazzing around as usual). For my entertainment, I'm sure, my cats have brought into the house and dismembered AT LEAST twenty different bugs today. Grasshoppers, moths, butterflies (NOOOOOOO, not the BUTTERFLIES!!!! I scream), and various sundry beetles. And then they eat them. At least they're not bringing in small mammals and/or birds.

One to start:

Oh, well....shit. I guess I haven't got it QUITE down yet...

Wait, I ain't no dummy...

Frackin' HOT - and counting...

2008-07-30T16:20:00.002-06:00

we are closing in on a record of 23 days in a row above 90 degrees. Right now, in Boulder, it is 99, and I have been home from work all day. This would be all good because I like it hot, HOWEVER: I'm sitting in my living room freezing to death and sweating at the same time, because I have a fever of 102, compliments of some shitty strep/ear infection/infected tonsil thing that gripped me in the middle of the night and caused much discomfort and allowed no sleep whatsoever. My doctor took one look at my swollen neck (yeah, you can see it from the outside, lovely!), got a very concerned look on her face, and checked my interior maw ("say AHHHH" - hard to do when there's a big stick being jammed down your throat), and then announced, "well, you're a very sick woman!" I think she was happy about it. After all, how much fun would doctoring be if EVERYONE were a hypochondriac? As far as I'm concerned I have been handling it all like a trooper, except for when I stopped at my office to pick up a couple of files, had a fever spike, and almost passed out. I ran out of there crying, which is charming and ever so professional. I didn't miss much at work this afternoon because right after I left, the transformer blew and the servers all went down and the power went out, and there were firetrucks and all sorts of fun things that I can honestly say I don't mind missing.

I have loads of pictures to share, but can't find my blasted camera power cord. I might have to go buy a new one (or I could clean the house and look for it, but THAT'S SILLY).

7th Annual Soul Rebel Festival 2008

2008-07-14T13:43:00.009-06:00

Stage set-up

Vendor set-up

Ursula and me (at that angle, I look like my ass is about 6 feet wide)

Festivating

Front Gate

Dave

Indra the Butterfly

More fest
Hoopin'!

I'm hot. Literally.

I don't remember which band this is!

Canon and the Lion of Judah band

Cannon
Cannon and Matt
Prezident Brown

And...the very best of all:

Fleurs

2008-07-10T12:14:00.003-06:00

Inna my yard...click on the close-ups!

Funny

2008-07-09T10:29:00.002-06:00

Most adorable giveaway...

2008-06-30T19:58:00.005-06:00

Check out the killer pinafore being given away: Roosters-N-Rickrack Pinafore GIVEAWAY!!!!

My niece, Grace (and later her little sissy, Adelaide), would be in heaven if it happened to arrive at their front door from Aunt Cyn!

Only on our Planet Boulder

2008-06-24T09:49:00.001-06:00

GOD, HOW I LOVE ME SOME BOULDER!! (click here)

Thank God They Got the Burrito Back!

2008-06-18T10:47:00.002-06:00

When this is news (ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY BURRITO - FELONY CONVICTION EXPECTED!!!!), it's time for me to get out the camera again. Expect fun photos soon!
__________________________________________
Clerk Hit With Frozen Burrito; Chips Stolen
Man Refused To Buy Burrito For $2, Police Say

STOCKTON, Calif. -- San Joaquin County deputies said they are looking for a man who assaulted a clerk with a frozen burrito.

The clerk at New Country Market on North Wilson Way said the man tried to buy the burrito that cost $2.

The man only had $1 on him, and when the clerk refused to lower the price, the man got upset and threw the burrito at the clerk, reported KCRA-TV in Sacramento.

The junk food thief then stole a bag of chips, officials said.

The clerk wasn't hurt, and the burrito was recovered, they said.

While the Cyndy's away...

2008-05-20T13:34:00.002-06:00

the cats will play...

Here I am in hot sweaty Nashville in a hotel bigger than Rhode Island, and Spencer gets to have all the fun. I'll find a picture soon.

MOUNTAIN LION CAPTURED

BOULDER, Colo. -- A mountain lion stirred up some excitement near Flatiron Elementary School, where it was shot and tranquilized by wildlife officers Tuesday morning.

The big cat was first spotted at 7:30 a.m. sprawled out on a hot tub near 7th and Pleasant Streets. The homeowners called the Division of Wildlife, but by the time agents arrived, the cat had walked around and started laying underneath the trees.
The 138-pound cat was shot once with a tranquilizer gun but then bolted down 8th Street. 7NEWS photojournalist Mike Flanagan stood his ground and photographed it as it ran by him to the side of a house.

At 10:30 a.m., the cat was shot with another tranquilizer dart and that finally put him out. Agents carried the cat to a cage on the back of a Colorado Division of Wildlife truck and was taken to an Open Space park in west Boulder where it was released.
"This is the first time I've seen (a mountain lion). I've never seen one before. It's exciting. They're big. It's great that they take him away. Hopefully, it will stay away. That would be a good thing," said resident Doug Pedersen.
Wildlife officers said the cat is about 2-years-old and known in the neighborhood. The same mountain lion was in the same neighborhood last week. In that incident, the mountain lion was tranquilized, tagged with a radio collar and taken several miles away.
Because of that radio collar, wildlife agents were able to track the big cat and pinpoint his exact location in the neighborhood.

2008-05-15T14:29:00.001-06:00

Flatirons Parents,

There has been a mountain lion a couple blocks from here this afternoon. We now hear it is by Grant and Euclid, has been tranquilized and will be removed shortly. We have been informed by the district and Animal Control that it is safe to dismiss the students normally. Feel free to come get your children if that makes you more comfortable.

Kim

CHECK IT OUT!

At least this time (not yet, anyway) they didn't pose the tranqed animal for pictures with the neighbors.

Close to Home

2008-04-29T12:22:00.001-06:00

Mountain lion shot with bean bags

By Vanessa Miller
Originally published 10:53 a.m., April 29, 2008
Updated 11:17 a.m., April 29, 2008

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A "persistent" mountain lion was shot three times with bean bags Monday night in the 900 block of Ninth Street after a man reported seeing it eating a raccoon in his University Hill yard, according to Boulder police.

Colorado Division of Wildlife officials were at another call and asked Boulder police officers to fire the bean bags to try and chase away the cat, which was first reported at about 8:53 p.m.

The lion left the area after the third hit, but it was spotted back in the area about three hours later at 11:50 p.m., said Boulder police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley.

"This guy is pretty persistent," Huntley said. "There were flashlights and people all around, and he didn't stop what he was doing."

Officers removed the raccoon carcass from the area to dissuade the lion from returning to collect its prey, but residents again called police about 6 this morning to report the lion was back, Huntley said.

Division of wildlife officers have been called about the sightings.

Earlier this month, neighbors of central Boulder's Casey Park — just east of Broadway and north of Mapleton Avenue — made numerous reports to wildlife officials about a mountain lion sighted in the area.

Officers didn't find that lion, but said they found a deer it killed close to a home near the intersection of High Street and Sunset Boulevard.

Oh, This is Funny!

2008-04-16T14:13:00.001-06:00

A younger female relative, on hearing that Will split and is now working at a topless bar:

“ Sorry about your ex~ he's an ass I’m sure. Hey just cuz he got hired at the titty bar don’t mean he can get any titties. That’s usually just what’s going through our heads~when in reality, the little skanks he works with probably wouldn’t even give him the time of day- so don’t feel bad~ working with them is probably as close as he’s getting to a boob right now~ and even if he is getting some p*s*y, its probably contaminated with something, or at least you can hope. Its sucks picturing your man with some bitch but if there’s nothing you can do, at least pray she’s a dirty one and his ding-a-ling will blister up and dissolve. “

JEEBUS H. CHRISTO.

2008-04-15T13:12:00.002-06:00

Is it REALLY only Tuesday? REALLY? It's warm and sunny (and dry and windy) here, and I want to be outside getting some color on my almost-greenish pasty white legs, but it's not to happen. Work to do, garden to till...

We found a pile of garter snakes yesterday when I lifted a rock. One stuck around and lounged while we worked around him...I'm guessing he wasn't scared because he was HUGE. Yeah I know, garter snakes are little, but this guy was the biggest one I've ever seen...probably close to 2-1/2 or 3 feet!! They're usually about the size around of a magic marker, but this guy was more like the big fattiest Sharpie.

Anyhoo, we got some work done but there is much, much more to do! I just used AmEx points to get $400 in Home Depot gift cards, so new tools are a-comin', along with a new patio umbrella and maybe a couple pretty terra cotta planters for out back.

I'm determined to charge my camera battery tonight so that I can take "before" pictures this weekend!

OMG

2008-04-14T18:49:00.002-06:00

This afternoon Spencer and I went to the store to get some diet 7Up. On the way, we passed some construction. There was a truck that said, "BOB'S HAULING" in huge letters, and Spencer thought it was very funny (because 11 year old boys are kind of stupid). So I proceeded to tell him about the time my friend Rebecca and I were walking through downtown Boston and we saw a crane loader with the words "SMITH ERECTION" looming above the street, and it was to this day one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.

About half an hour later, Spencer was holding an unopened soda bottle, and he said, in that voice where I know he's not trying to be funny (this is when he is funniest), "Rock solid. Just like Bob's erection."

S-s-s-Saturday Ni-HIGHHHH-t

2008-04-12T22:00:00.002-06:00

makes one realize how much it sucks being single. I wonder how many hits I'm going to get on this blog for using the word "sucks" on a Saturday. Sadly, nothing of that crude manner going on around here...LOL

Holy Mary Mother of God

2008-04-11T12:35:00.002-06:00

Jumpin' Jehosephat and DAMMIT ALL TO HELL.

It has happened. I have found gray hairs on my head. No pictures, as I'm too traumatized. Fuck. Yeah, I said it...FUCKAWUCKA RUBBERDUCKA. There's nothing more ego-building than finding your first fucking gray hair just a few days after becoming totally and utterly SINGLE. No more young guys for me.

What's next? I swear, if pubes turn gray, you can just shoot me now.

Sadness

2008-04-09T19:05:00.001-06:00

Bob Marley's mother dead at 81

BY MICHAEL HAMERSLY
Cedella Marley Booker, mother of late reggae icon Bob Marley, died Tuesday night at her South Florida home after a long illness. She was 81.
Booker was surrounded by loved ones inside her South Miami-Dade home and was ''very happy and very peaceful,'' said daughter-in-law Sharien Booker. ``Her vision was always to bring people together. She was a very loving person, and we know she's happy.''

Booker's grandson, Ky-Mani Marley, an accomplished musician himself, told The Miami Herald she had always been a ``caring and supporting person in my life. She was always there to help me -- even when I didn't ask for help, she knew I needed help. She had that instinct to know when things were wrong and had the courage to fix it.''

Marley said the family was fortunate to be by Booker's side.

''We all live very close by, really just blocks away, so we were all in the vicinity,'' he said.

And though Booker had been struggling recently with heart problems, her death still came as somewhat of a shock, her grandson said.

''We knew she was sick, and she'd keep fighting and pulling through,'' he said. ``So it was expected, but unexpected. It's a great loss.''

Several prominent Jamaican leaders were moved to comment on Booker's legacy.

''Mrs. Booker was the matriarch of a movement so powerful that the mystical qualities of the Marley musical legacy remain strong and potent,'' said Jamaican Information Minister Olivia Grange.

''She was a star in her own right,'' Jamaican Prime Minister Bruce Golding said in a statement. ``Her life was one of hardship, struggle and eventual fulfillment, and through it all, she exuded hope, strength and confidence.''

Born in Jamaica in 1926, Booker was 18 when she married Norval Marley, a 50-year-old British quartermaster. After he died in 1955, she married Edward Booker, moved to Delaware, then relocated to Miami, where she lived for the past 20 years.

Booker was best-known for her famous son, but she was also an author and musician. Her two books about Bob Marley -- 1997's Bob Marley: An Intimate Portrait by His Mother and Bob Marley, My Son in 2003 -- offered glimpses into his personal life, shedding light on his relationships with his wife Rita and bandmates Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer.

Bob Marley died in Miami from a brain tumor in 1981.

Booker released two albums, Awake Zion in 1991, and in the following year a collection of Caribbean folk songs for children called Smilin' Island of Song.

She also frequently performed with Bob Marley's sons Ky-Mani, Ziggy, Stephen, Damian and Julian. Although she didn't perform at the family's annual Caribbean Fest concert in Miami in early March, Ky-Mani Marley said she was still performing as recently as ''about a year ago'' in Jamaica.

Booker is survived by two children, Claudette Livingston and Richard Booker, and 52 grandchildren.

Services will be held between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. Monday at the Range Funeral Home, 3384 Grand Ave., Coconut Grove.

This report was supplemented by Miami Herald wire services.

Niceness

2008-04-01T23:01:00.002-06:00

"I never got to know you... it seems like I lost out. "

What a very nice thing to hear. Or read, as the case may be (which it is) . And, PS, has nothing to do with post below - quite the opposite.

Pity party

2008-03-30T14:53:00.006-06:00

Yeah, I'm right in the middle of a big festive gala that I threw for myself. You should see all the presents I've gotten so far - a haggard face, wine wine and more wine, headaches, fitfulness and insomnia. How on earth do I refuse to recognize that the party is over? It's beyond me. I'm usually the one saying, "you deserve better, get off your ass and the dump this MF'in loser"! WTF? Ouch.

To prove that I'm not completely suicidal or otherwise mentally ill, here are some cheery photos of my visit to Oxford, Ohio, land of the Circle Bar and very dirty alleyways.

We saw this note on a car at Kroger's. The best thing about it was the two hot blondes who got out of the next car and said, "what are you DOing??" when I was taking the picture. They then proceeded to discuss for 10 minutes why we thought it was funny. Welcome to the Valley, girls.

The bar at Mac & Joe's.

Erika and me (why do I look so fat??)

"Darryl is my ghetto pirate" - photo of Daryl to follow sometime soon! (he is indeed the main ghetto pirate)

Random people in the bar at the Minneapolis airport Chili's. Hold for another post with a very bizarre story that happened in that same bar. It deserves its own post.

Yeah, so...

2008-03-28T16:41:00.002-06:00

I still have this MFSoabAHole of a boyfriend..and tonight he informed me that - wow! - he has a "second job"at a titty bar. OMG, this is a man who is BRILLIANT. WTF?? Why all the acronyms? Anyhoo, I threw the phone across the room and I am so proud of myself. (LOL)

And now I'm going to see a reggae band and I'm going to try to dance with someone fun who is not a complete asshole. AND, YES, I am completely DONE with Mister GROWTHEFUCKUPALREADY. Yay me.

P.S. Big shout out to my O-town pals!!!

Typical Conversation

2008-03-18T19:18:00.001-06:00

Spencer: "My stomach feels weird."

Me: "Do you have to poop?"

Spencer: "No. My bowels are still."

Madmen and Snowstorms and Memes - LONG POST

2008-03-17T16:43:00.003-06:00

1. Last night we were "supposed" to get a major snowstorm. One that would paralyze the universe and force us to beckon the Martians to come dig us out. Okay, not that big, but still significant. It was a fizzler on the Boulder end...we got about 5 inches but nothing stuck to the streets, which is usually just how I like it but I was a little pissed this time because I'm raring to try out my new snow tires. It will be a true miracle of God if I can just ONCE pull out of our alley onto the 9th Street hill (don't go look at a map, you'll never find me!) without causing a major traffic jam. What always happens is that I can get no traction and then 8000 cars come speeding up behind me at 90 mph hoping to grab the momentum that will let them get uphill in their $70K SUVs. What they don't understand is that the $70K they spent entitles them to get up snowy hills without going 40 miles over the speed limit in the process. If this isn't happening, they need to re-think their investments. Anyhoo, what transpires is that everyone gets mad at me and I have to either back up into the alley or turn left and go downhill. Either way they all hate me because I don't have a $70K SUV, and they can all suck it.

2. This morning, right down the street at Boulder Community Hospital, a man showed up in a wheelchair (he is not disabled) and said that he had a bomb strapped to his oxygen tank. There was a standoff, etc etc, and he ended up taking a metal plug to the chest, compliments of Boulder's overworked and underpaid SWAT team (yeah, that was sarcastic). So they had to block off the streets and traffic is all wonky and the 'hood was in a uproar with all the media. I wasn't there (I was actually at the other hospital getting Spencer's cough checked out - he's fine), but it seems to me that it could have been handled differently. As in, the guy DIDN'T HAVE A GUN, and the "bomb" is questionable. Go to THE DENVER CHANNELfor updates.

Here is a really long meme (I still don't know what that means):

1. Where is the person who owns your heart now?
I have no idea. The one who owns my heart in a different way is down the street playing Wii.

2. What did you do last night?
WTF do I do EVERY night?? I built a fire, drank some wine, watched stupid TV and went to sleep far too late.

3. What does your myspace name mean?
It’s just my ol’ boring first name.

4. Last person you text messaged?
Doug.

5. Who was the last person to call you?
Erika.

6. What are you doing right now?
Listening to my washer squeak and dreading the fact that I have to go to the laundromat to dry everything because my dryer broke last Friday.

7. What is your current problem?
Work, relationship, messy house, cold weather, bored (I could go on and on, but then you'd accuse me of being a whiner..LOL).

8. What color are your eyes?
Depends on what I'm wearing. Grayish, greenish, bluish.

9. What is your myspace song?
I don't have one, but I should shuffle through some friends' music.

11. Last place you ordered food from?
The deli at SuperTarget

12. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Will

13. What color is your hair?
Dark blonde.

14. Last song you sang?
"It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" because now it's stuck in my head, thank you very much.

15. Would you ever get back with your ex?
Loaded question...the one I currently still see? Yes. The one before that? Yes. The one before that? NO. {shudder}

16. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Everyone. I have a blog and I'm a blabbermouth.

17. Last time you did something you shouldn’t have done?
Last night.

18. Who do you miss?
Erika, Tara, my family, Rob, grandmas

19. Next movie you will see in theaters?
Not sure, but we saw Horton Hears a Who yesterday. It was okay.

20. What is your favorite drink?
Ice-cold water

21. What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans during the day, sweats at night (yoga pants, really).

25. Where are most of your clothes from?
Everywhere . . .

28. Is anyone jealous of you?
I doubt it.

30. Have any regrets?
Plenty. No elaboration, sorry, it's too depressing.

31. Who would you go to for sports trivia answers?
www.si.com

32. Where were you 8 hours ago?
In the shower (I didn't go to work today).

35. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes

37. What did you do last weekend?
Friday went to happy hour, Saturday a birthday party (Johnny turned 50), Sunday brunch at the St. Julien with Will, then drove to Denver and back, and finally saw Horton Hears a Who with Spencer.

38.What Football team do you favor?
I'm a Broncos fan because the two Ohio teams suck. College, I'll watch anything but Ohio State is #1.

47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Staring at the TV wondering why the hell I was still awake.

48. What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Called school and work to tell them that I have a sick kid and we wouldn't be going anywhere but the doctor's office.

49. Who will you be with this Sunday night?
Erika and the Oxford crowd!! Probably a tad hungover after going to see BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE on Saturday night in Cincinnati.

50. Who was the last person you hugged?
Spencer.

51. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Yes

52. Is tomorrow going to be good?
I hope so.

53. Do you know anyone named Dan?
Yes, quite a few people, all of whom have nothing in common besides the name DAN.

54. How many myspace friends do you have?
97

55. Do or did you like school?
Not after 8th grade. I look back and wish that I had kept going to a private school, where I might have had more guidance.

56. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
A select few.

57. Where would you like to live?
Anywhere warm and sunny. In luxury.

58. Are you a good gf/bf?
No. I'm wishy-washy, and I can't bring myself to gush lovingly about my partner in public. Also, I'm not jealous or demanding where my man is concerned (I don't let it show outwardly, I mean), and I think this often comes off as disinterested. I am way too willing to do all the work, too, which then turns into resentment on my part. Oy, I SUCK as a gf!

60. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Same shit, different day, is the pessimistic version. On a good day, I hope that in 5 years I will be the proud parent of a successful teenager with a new driver's license, a better job, and a loving partner by my side. And OLD. No matter how it turns out, I will be OLD.

Tee hee

2008-03-12T10:03:00.002-06:00

TSK, TSK (CLICK HERE)

Here it is - the SHIZ!!

2008-03-10T19:19:00.003-06:00

Random trip to Marshall's on Friday...
Lovely pink wool designer sweater/jacket...
Afraid to look at price tag...
HOLY MOLY SON OF A FRUGAL FASHION MAVEN!!!
(click on the price tag and look closely)

There isn't one single flaw on this piece of clothing...I checked every inch. Also got a pair of bronzy suede gaucho-type pants ($3, originally $150) and a lovely black shirt ($35 from $282). What a bargain.

Bargain of the YEAR

2008-03-10T12:30:00.004-06:00

It figures that I'm FINALLY posting and the stupid Google server is down so that I can't add pictures. Dang. Anyhoo, I have something wonderful to share as soon as Blogger.com gets their shit together.

Any suggestions about how to kill a sinus infection FAST? I have one that's so painful I literally grab my face every time something in my head starts throbbing. It's giving me a fever, too. Don't suggest antibiotics because they don't work. I may resort to sitting at my desk with an ice pack taped to my forehead, which I'm sure will amuse my co-workers to no end.

On a completely unrelated note: have you ever made a noise in the bathroom at work that you are certain has echoed like a foghorn throughout the entire office, deafening everyone in the process? And, worse, have you ever made one of those noises but it WASN'T actually the result of a foul bodily function, yet you just *know* that all of your co-workers heard it, mistook it as being caused by a genetic physiological defect passed down by your mutant great-aunt Mildred, and henceforth the office talks about you behind your back as "you know, THAT one"?? Oy.

Where Can I Find Reliable??

2008-02-26T18:25:00.004-07:00

WARNING: Self pity and sadness ahead.

Tonight, when I got home to find that the carpet was ruined (mud EVERYWHERE), and there was cat poop to clean up, and something (elk blood) had spilled in the fridge, and my son's science project is due tomorrow but the printer is out of ink ($89 to replace), and the sidewalks needed to be shoveled, and I still have work to do tonight, and there were three loads of laundry waiting, and I needed to make dinner, and I needed to wash the dishes from breakfast, and discovered that I can't pay all my bills this month...and all this happened within an hour of getting home (and yes, I took care of anything I could)...I realized that I am overwhelmed. I do everything by myself but nothing for myself. I self-medicate with wine because I can't calm my nerves any other way. I joined the gym but don't have any time to go there because I am so busy with life. I haven't had a vacation - the kind where there is no phone or computer or work-related anything - for 10 years...and when that one was over, I came home to a relationship separation, move to a new town, a new job, and a miscarriage. Oh, right, and an intro to life as a single mom. Yeah, all within a couple weeks of each other. Since then, life has pretty much sucked a lot and I am constantly panicky and scared. I lost a big chunk of self-esteem during that time period, and it's obvious to me that it hasn't come back. See below.

Once, just once, in my life, I would like to have something that's reliable, to the point that I can depend upon without stressing over it.

A reliable:
*partner
*car
*job
*income
*plastic bag
*shovel
*cheese grater
*coffeemaker
*hell, even a reliable child. Harsh, but true. The lack of respect is sometimes frightening. The ruination of the new carpet is devastating.

My life is the epitome of Murphy's Law...anything that can go wrong, does. I spend a lot of time trying to correct this -- I stash extra car keys under the bumper for when I lock my keychain in the car; I stash extra keys in the yard so that I don't have t o break a window when I lock the keys in the house; I make lists all over the place so that I don't forget things -- but everything still goes wrong. Really. Ask anyone who has known me for a long time. It's uncanny. And the constant itching feeling of I'M NOT SECURE IN ANY WAY is so awful. Especially when it comes to money...getting older alone fucking sucks.

The only thing that didn't go wrong is that my son is beautiful -- I was concerned about having one of those mutant boys with bright orange hair and pasty white freckly skin and a high-pitched voice. But he doesn't respect me, regardless of therapy and behavior changes and all of that shiz. He sees me working my ass off to support him and keep a somewhat nice home, but I think that maybe my failures are more apparent to him and that's what he bases his judgement upon. He sure doesn't behave the same way with his father. Then again, there are reasons that I still like him:

Hoodies OUTLAWED in Bowling Green, Ohio

2008-02-14T09:26:00.002-07:00

Wednesday

2:26 a.m.
A male subject in a black hoodie was seen inside a vehicle on South Grove Street. Police said the subject was not located and no items were found missing.

Courtesy of the BG News

2008-02-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

" Sunday 3:04 a.m.
Two men reported to be peeing on cars on East Merry Street. They were nowhere to be found when police arrived."

Peeing. That's a silly word. But of course they were gone when cops arrived....how long does it take to pee?? (If you're me, this morning, it takes like 5 minutes....but perhaps that's TMI.)

I was just thinkin'...

2008-02-11T18:26:00.001-07:00

...today in the car, while listening to "Accidentally In Love," by the Counting Crows (theme song of Shrek II), that if the ogres were from certain parts of Asia, they would be "Occidentally In Love."

Ha.

Ha.

Dear god, I've finally lost it. Send the plane tickets...any place warm and beachy will do!

Priorities

2008-02-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

Well, DUH!!! SAVE THE BEER, SAVE THE BEER!!

Okay, okay, calm down...I'm just kidding. She is a horrible awful human being who should be sent to rehab for the rest of her life. But the headline struck my funny bone (you know, the one in my head).

Being a person who has endured the sheer uncomfortableness of being pulled over for suspicion of DUI herself (though no kids in my car, I'm not that stupid), and later attended "alcohol class"*, I can attest to the fact that there are more women like her than you would suspect.

*"alcohol class", in my case and that of many others, consisted of 24 total extruciating hours of listening to a self-important creepy little fat man talk about how miserable his family life was, and extolling the virtues of sleeping pills and divorce. Well worth the $1,200 I shelled out for HIM to teach ME something, wasn't it?? It makes my blood boil just to think about it.

Graspy

2008-02-05T18:57:00.000-07:00

This woman is serious. Dead serious.

" 'And referring to weiner poopie? Oh my gosh.' " Spencer has been walking around saying this for an hour now and laughing his head off.

YouTubeWeinerPoopieVideo

He Said It

2008-02-05T18:47:00.000-07:00

Me: "Barack won in Illinois."

Spencer: "WOO HOO"

Me: "Hillary won in Arkansas."

Spencer: "BOO"

Me: "What's wrong with Hillary?"

Spencer: "I just can't see a woman running the military."

Me: WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP (the sound of my head repeatedly banging onto a brick wall, over and over and over and over and over and over)

What Spencer and I saw..

2008-01-28T17:53:00.000-07:00

walking across 55th Street in southeast Boulder:

This isn't the same one, because I was driving and couldn't get a picture. It must live around there, because the people walking down the sidewalk didn't look the least bit surprised. We certainly were!! It was a reallly big one, too, with gorgeous feathers, so someone must feed it. I guess that if they live at the Denver Zoo year-round, then they can live on a Colorado farm, too.

Happy Birthday to Me (yesterday)

2008-01-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

1. New, short, haircut (pictures when I look better)
2. ALL DAY at the Pub. Too much wine.
3. Wicked huge fight with Will. Rings given back, yelling, crying, over nothing more than my insecurity. This after he brought me tiramisu with a candle. What a drunken bitch I can be. Oops.
4. Pretty new ring (from Wolf) pretty new earrings from Maija, et al
5. Sigh.

Me to Spencer: "why aren't you over here scratching my back?"
Spencer: "because I'm over here watching Jethro lick his balls."
Me (to self): "I got nuthin."

8 Days

2008-01-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Booze-free. Wow. And I LIKE it, that's the weirdest thing! I joined the Y last weekend (nah, I haven't gone yet), I'm getting things done at home (hence no Y trips), I'm getting things done at work, and I can SLEEP and wake up feeling like I'm able to face the day. Wow.

Busy Busy Busy!

2007-12-25T12:49:00.002-07:00

Photos Galore: Trip to NY with family, Christmas morning...and WHITE CHRISTMAS!! (in reverse order)
I'm simply loading the pictures now...will come back later and edit to include captions and delete anything that makes anyone look fat or ugly. LOL
Cheers and Merry Christmas!!

TAGGED - wow, a first!

2007-12-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

I'm late to the game so everyone I know has probably already been tagged. Oh well. Do it if you like. So here we go:

The Rules:

1) Put your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT(this is in capital letters, so it is very serious. No hiding your showtunes, folks!)

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Financial Leprosy - Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Operation Ardent - Buju Banton

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? pure pretty gal - Beenie Man (yikes, I didn't know that about myself)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Ghetto Scandalous - Zola (seriously! I'm stone cold ghetto scandalous!)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Go Back Home - Half Pint (wow)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Funky Nassau - Baja Men (that's about right)

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Eve of Reality - Arrested Development (I might be on the eve of reality, but I'm certain not there yet)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Father and Son - Cat Stevens (uncanny, but why is the gender always wrong??)

9) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? No Respect - Buju Banton (NO SHIT. WOW. This is actually right on the money)

10) WHAT IS 2+2? Door Peep - Sinead O' Connor (huh?)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Two Fine People - Cat Stevens

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Three-Minute Rule - Beastie Boys (BWAHAHAHAAAAA, chew on that, Suckah!)

13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Gin and Coconut Water - Baja Men (also about right)

14) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Do Ya Love - Spearhead

15) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? THE FART GAME - Eddie Murphy (I am not kidding, this is what came up!)

16) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Super Disco Breakin' - Beastie Boys

17) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? You Have Caught Me - Barrington Levy (yowza)

18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Lonely Afternoon - Bob Mould (awwww)

19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Stay Human - Spearhead

20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Searching - Buju Banton (it's not such a secret now)

21) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Phony Rappers - A Tribe Called Quest (too funny)

OK, there's some strange shit in there. Yes, the music is weird because it's all stuff that I downloaded, not from my home music collection. But some of it is just uncanny, man.

Now I've Gone and Done It!

2007-12-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I slipped on the stairs and broke my tailbone, aka COCCYX.
I didn't realize how bad it was until Saturday afternoon, while standing at a wedding in beautful snowy Breckenridge. OW! It was so bad that at one point I had to leave the reception to go lay down, thus missing dinner. Very sad. The drive home Sunday, on bumpy ice-packed roads (bald tires + icy roads + broken tailbone + driving phobia = one MISERABLE, LONG RIDE). By Monday it was so awful that I took Spencer to school, and then went back to bed. I literally couldn't get out of bed until noon, at which point I took a deep breath, flopped out of the bed onto all fours on the floor, and pulled myself up on the love chest. I went to the doctor, who informed me, as I well know from experiencing this in the past, that there is nothing that can be done except to wait it out until it heals. She did give me some Ambien so that I can sleep. I have been crying a lot from the pain. Being in the car is the worst...and when the muscle around the bone spasms, it makes me almost throw up.

Good times.

Only the Classiest Chicks go to BGSU!

2007-11-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

Wednesday

1:55 a.m.
Catherine R. Gumina, 20, of Bowling Green, was cited for underage drinking at a restaurant on East Wooster Street. Police had gone to the restaurant to investigate a verbal argument between Gumina and another woman who was not cited. When officers detected the odor of alcohol on Gumina and asked her if she had been drinking, she responded by saying, "Duh."

(photo compliments of mulletsgalore.com, which I highly recommend as one of the most hilarious things ever)

Yowza. I am almost at a loss for words

2007-11-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

But not quite...

THIS ARTICLE is par for the course for hillbillies, but check these chicks out. Did they grow to look alike as partners in the same way that normal people do with their pets??? [And NO, by "normal" I am NOT referring to their sexual preference!!] Or maybe they participated in a ritualistic Poor White Trash tooth-pulling ceremony. Either way, it's uncanny.

Thanks, BGSU, for another laugh..

2007-11-19T20:24:00.001-07:00

SUNDAY

12:31 a.m.
A pizza delivery man showed up to make a delivery to a home on Seventh street. He was greeted by a man with a gun in his hand. Afterwards the pizza delivery man called the police. Officers spoke with the resident who said it was only a BB gun. Police advised the resident that this was not the best way to answer the door.

Not a Typo

2007-11-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

Denver:

Monday - sunny and 78 degrees

Tuesday - partly cloudy and 52 degrees

Wednesday - snowing and 25 degrees

Shit. Well, at least it's easing in, as opposed to dropping 50+ degrees in one day. Which is not unheard of in this neck o' the weeds, by the way.

Turkeys - no thanky!

2007-11-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

At Theresa's request, I am re-posting my "poor turkeys!" letter from last year. I'm not just making a link because no one would read it (damn you). I'm grossed out by Thanksgiving, really. Can't we show our thanks for each other by doing something like going to see the latest Halloween movie, instead of indulging in a mass consumption of WAY too much food??? I say, movie theater popcorn should become the next trend in Thanksgiving mascots!

Another View of Turkey Day
November 2006

by Delisa Renideo
He felt almost cat-like, rubbing up against the back of my legs. And he followed me around the yard like a devoted dog. And like my cats and dogs, he even bumped his head up against my hand as he stood beside me, requesting that I pet him. And all this affection after only meeting that afternoon.
As I walked around the grounds, I could tell he was still following me because I could hear his labored breathing. He was only a year old, but he wheezed and limped painfully because of his extreme overweight. No, he wasn’t a glutton, out of control of his appetite. His size was the result of genetic manipulation. I was told that he would probably die of a sudden heart attack before his second birthday.
I had never met a turkey in person before, except in cages at the State Fair. But I will never forget the day I spent with him and others like him at Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary, outside Denver.
Like the other 300 million turkeys that are killed in the U.S. each year, my new friend had had part of his beak and some of his toes cut off when he was only hours old, without any anesthesia. He was conceived by artificial insemination, as all turkeys are these days, because mating is physically impossible. Human appetite for white meat has led to the genetic engineering of turkeys with huge breasts that make it impossible for them to get close enough to mate. They are also created to grow abnormally fast, as well as very large, leading to lameness and stress on their immature skeletons, hearts and lungs. Thus, the limping and wheezing of my special new friend as he tried to balance his over-sized body on his mutilated feet as he followed me affectionately around.
We generally don’t think much about the centerpiece on our Thanksgiving table. If we think about the turkey as a real animal at all, it’s probably to assume that he doesn’t really have feelings or a personality. Certainly not the way our dogs and cats do. But after my experience at Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary, I know without a shadow of a doubt that isn’t true. Not only do these affectionate animals have personalities, but they wear their feelings where all can see them. The color of their heads changes from blue to pink and red as their emotions change.
It used to bother me to hear people say, “Happy Turkey Day” instead of “Happy Thanksgiving.” I was saddened to think that we had lost the whole point of Thanksgiving, which is to remember to be grateful for all we have, and instead we have focused on stuffing ourselves as well as a turkey.
But now I have another idea. If we could truly celebrate Turkey Day, maybe it would be like celebrating Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or Veteran’s Day or President’s Day. We don’t eat our mothers, fathers, veterans, or president. We honor them, appreciating them for who they are and what they have done for us. We set aside a day to remember them, respect them, and be grateful for them.
I envision the day when we will look back upon the slaughter of 45 million turkeys for Thanksgiving alone – that’s 675 million pounds of animal flesh in one day – with regret. I’d like to think that when that day comes, we might have a real “Turkey Day” to honor the lives of these sensitive, affectionate beings that we harmed so much before we awakened to a reverence for all life. And when that day comes, not only will we have peace on our plates, but we’ll be on our way to peace in the world.

Delisa Renideo resides in Wasilla. You can reach her at 907-373-1526 for suggestions for a delicious, turkey-free, plant-based Thanksgiving dinner.

Man, How I LOVE My Alma Mater's Police Blotter

2007-11-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

(alma mater police blotter...I'm a poet!)

"Thursday

2:24 a.m.

Phillip C. Seas, 20, of Piqua, Ohio, was cited for underage drinking and prohibited acts. Officers saw Seas drop an empty bottle on the ground. As he walked away he dropped his pants in order to moon his friends. Police stopped Seas and found a fake ID on him and found he had been drinking."

Amazing deduction, Watson!! Duh.

Photos

2007-11-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Not sure how valid they are now, seeing as how I decided last night that we're on a "break" for a while, -- at least until he gets back from vacation after Thanksgiving -- but they're pretty good pictures, so here ya go:

More to follow soon, from our debaucherous Friday night in Denver!

My new niece...

2007-11-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Grace, Adelaide, Libby

Adelaide Wilde Jay, born yesterday. Spencer's cousin Atticus was born Saturday night (congrats, Kathy and Pete!) and they called me at 11 pm to tell me, right after it happened...and I'm not even technically related to them any more!!

OMG - SBD!

2007-11-01T09:40:00.000-06:00

Someone in my office just made a silent, very very stinky, diarrhea fart. His face turned all red, and he booked to the bathroom. This was about 10 minutes ago, and as of right now he has not come back. Should I send him THIS???

Flip That House

2007-10-26T16:08:00.000-06:00

Isn’t it funny how when you're sick and laying in bed or on the couch at home, you just stare at the walls and then your inner Christopher Lowell pops out and you’ve got the whole place redecorated in your head...my living room is FABULOUS when I’m half comatose!

Photos

2007-10-24T13:54:00.000-06:00

These are crappy, but at least you can tell that we had a fun night at Jil's bachelorette party! The videos are hilarious, but I didn't bother to upload them because there's no sound. Plus, Jil is dancing around in lingerie, so they might end up on YouTube, and we CAN'T HAVE THAT!!

Tanya Does The Tea Room

Jilio

Leslye

The tattoo that Liz so loving constructed for me out of various other tattoos. This photo doesn't show the big sparkly "SEXY" that she pasted on above the kitty.